Disclaimer: I have never been in a relationship.
Sure, I've had stupid crushes and I've been asked out a few times—but I have never actually been in a long-term relationship.
The problem I have with relationships is actually getting into them in the first place. Why even start dating when I've already played out the entire relationship in my head?
As soon as I get into an even potential relationship, my mind has already played out everything wrong that could happen. Either you'll turn out to be a douche with mommy issues, you'll be too clingy (and I don't like hugs), or you'll get tired of the relationship and find someone else.
So, yes, I am the worst at relationships. Because what's the point in being with someone if you know it will eventually end in heartbreak?
I may not personally have been in a lot of relationships, but I've seen a lot of people go through them. I've seen way too many people get their hearts broken and too many relationships end because one person decides that they're bored with the person they're with.
And they end up cheating.
But the thing is, I understand why people do it.
Like, I love pepperoni pizza, but am I going to eat pepperoni pizza every day, all day, for eternity and never even think about a calzone? Or even a stuffed crust supreme? What if I turn 40 and I suddenly hate pepperoni pizza, but now I made this lifelong commitment to this pizza and we have little pizza rolls running around... And you get it.
The point is, people change. People change their minds, they grow up, they grow apart, they may not be who you thought they'd be.
So why do we strive for perfection? For forever?
It seems that cheating in a relationship is inevitable these days. And for people like me who struggle with finding self-worth, it's almost impossible to believe that someone would choose you, forever.
Yes, yes I have daddy issues and mommy issues, blah blah blah. But seriously, even if my parents had a perfect relationship and my friends had all chosen boys that actually cared about them, I would still be cautious about being in a relationship with someone FOREVER.
Commitment is scary. Especially when you've never been in a committed relationship. People get tired of each other. They change and grow apart and may just simply change their minds.
Maybe I'm being cynical. Maybe it's because I've never been in love or the world has turned my soul black, but I feel like cheating is inevitable in a relationship.
I hope there's a guy out there that will prove me wrong.
