Often times, I have referred to myself as being “transitionally challenged.” Albeit I recognize the importance of change, I dislike it. Whenever school begins or ends, I struggle. Whenever work begins or ends, I struggle. Whenever someone I love travels, I struggle.
These attitudes further contribute to my concept of routine. I thrive on it. In the middle of the school year, I am at my prime because the sameness comforts me.
I have acknowledged my transitional challenges for a long time. And for a long time, I accepted it. But now I wonder, am I just going to let this fear win? Am I just going to accept the pain I feel whenever someone leaves?
No, I’m not.
In the past few weeks, I have personally decided to act on my fear and conquer it.
Right now, I am in the middle of a hurricane of change. My work just ended for the summer, school is beginning, and my boyfriend, who has been out of town for a month, is coming home. It feels that the moment I have finally gotten control of myself with work and without Nick, everything is being shifted again.
While I am excited for school to begin and Nick to come home, I currently am stressing about the anticipation of it all. Additionally, the final change, my job ending, is making me sad because my job gives me purpose and happiness. Thus, I am torn between both sadness and happiness because of events I cannot control.
So how I do a fight this? How do I not succumb to the anxiety that comes from this change? Can I fight my transitional challenges?
First, I have decided to make a color-coded list like the perfectionist I am. (I finally found a way my perfectionism isn’t a flaw!) For the rest of the summer, I have written out events I have to look forward to in blue. Events that I don’t want to do are in red and neutral events are in green. I have been recently working on increasing my self-care, so I luckily have lots of blue on my list. This is helping me cope by keeping me occupied.
Second, I have been writing. Like this, I frequently journal about how I am feeling. This then helps me work through those feelings. In a muddle of uncontrollable change, writing is something I can control and therefore, helps me cope. Also, it allows me a way to physically put my thoughts away from me. Prior to writing, my mind would get clouded with stressors. However, and I can’t quite explain why, the act of putting those thoughts on paper helps clear my head.
Thirdly, I have been working on self-care. I have recently learned the significance of self-care. Often, when I am stressed and anxious, I let it consume me and I lose myself. That is where self-care comes in. Every day, I try to spend 15-30 minutes doing something that makes me happy. This can be watching Netflix, reading a book, or even coloring. Each of these activities grounds me and reminds me to not forget myself in my stress. If I could tell everyone one thing they can do to improve happiness, it would be this. Self-care monumentally shifts your focus from external troubles to internal contentedness and because of that, it helps in times of extreme stress.
I’m not going to lie, this summer has been tough for me as someone who is transitionally challenged. One day I woke up and realize that I can make a difference in myself. I would not sit idly by while my brain hijacks my body.
As a result, I have taken back control of my mind. Thanks to the above three examples and more, I have reached a level of inner peace that has been long forgotten. As I type about my transitional challenges and my current self-awareness in conquering them, I smile ear-to-ear because after years of darkness, I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.
