How Makeup Changed My Life

Makeup Changed My Life, It's My Ultimate Stress-Reliever

Makeup is my stress-reliever, and no one can change that.

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My journey started in 2015. I had just gotten out of a relationship, and I was heartbroken. I felt incompetent to most girls. At the time, I thought a new makeover wouldn't help me at all, but my mother had other ideas. She thought it was a brilliant idea for me to use makeup. I never used makeup before, and I was kind of scared of using it too. Makeup was sort of like a taboo really. In 2015, everyone in my high school thought that if a girl wore makeup at school, it was because they wanted to impress someone, which automatically made it look like she was trying hard. I did not want to look like "that" girl. I tried to explain that to my mom, but she insisted not to worry about it.

My mom brought me to Sephora for the first time, and I was in awe. There were so many things to choose from. It was overwhelming, to say the least. My first ever foundation was the SmashBox Studio Skin 15 Hour Wear Hydrating Foundation. In all honesty, it wasn't the best foundation, but I was in love with it at the time. I only bought the essentials that day. Throughout the entire day, I was really contemplating whether this was still the right idea. I was at my lowest point, and I wanted to change that. In my mind, I didn't know if it was going to change anything, but it was a worth a shot. This day marked the day that I would become a better person.

I should've bought more if I knew I was going to end up wearing makeup almost every day. It was a growing obsession. I started to watch YouTube Videos on how to take care of my skin and what products would help my skin. I started to create different looks with all the eyeshadow palettes I had and started to buy more. No one could stop me from doing it. Things were looking bright, and I couldn't be any happier. But there was a downside to all of this.

I started to get side comment from girls in the bathroom saying things like makeup made my face worse or it wasn't going to change a thing. I ignored them, but it did make me want to quit. I really started to believe what they said, but my friend motivated me to continue. That same day, she went to buy her first foundation and eyeshadow palette. She said I was the reason why she bought that. She saw a big impact makeup had on me, and she wanted to feel the same thing.

Makeup really brought out a new side of me. Over time, I improved my skills and began to use them on other people. It's a great experience to get someone to see their true beauty and to see another side of them they've never seen before. That's what makes me feel accomplished. My self-esteem increased drastically, and I eventually did become more myself again. Makeup shouldn't hide our insecurities, but rather enhance our beauty. Makeup shows my creative side in ways that I didn't know I could showcase. Makeup is my outlet for stress and imagination. My journey as a makeup artist is just beginning, and there's no stopping.

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To The Person Who Feels Suicidal But Doesn't Want To Die

Suicidal thoughts are not black and white.
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Everyone assumes that if you have suicidal thoughts that means you want to die.

From an outside perspective, suicidal thoughts are rarely looked into deeper than the surface level. Either you have suicidal thoughts and you want to die, or you don't have suicidal thoughts and you want to live. What most people don't understand is that people live in between those two statements, I for one am one of them.

I've had suicidal thoughts since I was a kid.

My first recollection of it was when I came home after school one day and got in trouble, and while I was just sitting in the dining room I kept thinking, “I wonder what it would be like to take a knife from the kitchen and just shove it into my stomach." I didn't want to die, or even hurt myself for that matter. But those thoughts haven't stopped since.

I've thought about going into the bathroom and taking every single pill I could find and just drifting to sleep and never waking back up, I've thought about hurting myself to take the pain away, just a few days ago on my way to work I thought about driving my car straight into a tree. But I didn't. Why? Because even though that urge was so strong, I didn't want to die. I still don't, I don't want my life to end.

I don't think I've ever told anyone about these feelings. I don't want others to worry because the first thing anyone thinks when you tell them you have thoughts about hurting or killing yourself is that you're absolutely going to do it and they begin to panic. Yes, I have suicidal thoughts, but I don't want to die.

It's a confusing feeling, it's a scary feeling.

When the depression takes over you feel like you aren't in control. It's like you're drowning.

Every bad memory, every single thing that hurt you, every bad thing you've ever done comes back and grabs you by the ankle and drags you back under the water just as you're about the reach the surface. It's suffocating and not being able to do anything about it.

The hardest part is you never know when these thoughts are going to come. Some days you're just so happy and can't believe how good your life is, and the very next day you could be alone in a dark room unable to see because of the tears welling up in your eyes and thinking you'd be better off dead.

You feel alone, you feel like a burden to everyone around you, you feel like the world would be better off without you. I wish it was something I could just turn off but I can't, no matter how hard I try.

These feelings come in waves.

It feels like you're swimming and the sun is shining and you're having a great time until a wave comes and sucks you under into the darkness of the water. No matter how hard you try to reach the surface again a new wave comes and hits you back under again, and again, and again.

And then it just stops.

But you never know when the next wave is going to come. You never know when you're going to be sucked back under.

I always wondered if I was the only one like this.

It didn't make any sense to me, how did I think about suicide so often but not want to die? But I was thinking about it in black and white, I thought I wasn't allowed to have those feelings since I wasn't going to act on them. But then I read articles much like this one and I realized I'm not the only one. Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, and my feelings are valid.

To everyone who feels this way, you aren't alone.

I thought I was for the longest time, I thought I was the only one who felt this way and I didn't understand how I could feel this way. But please, I implore you to talk to someone, anyone, about the way you're feeling, whether it be a family member, significant other, a friend, a therapist.

My biggest mistake all these years was never telling anyone how I feel in fear that they would either brush me off because “who could be suicidal but not want to die?" or panic and try to commit me to a hospital or something. Writing this article has been the greatest feeling of relief I've felt in a long time, talking about it helps. I know it's scary to tell people how you're feeling, but you're not alone and you don't have to go through this alone.

Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, your feelings are valid, and there are people here for you. You are not alone.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255


Cover Image Credit: BengaliClicker

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5 Inexpensive Websites For Summer Clothes

If you are looking to online shop for your summer closet, check out these stores.

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Summer is here and so is a whole new category of fashion; high waisted swimsuits, mom jeans, graphic tees, chunky sneakers, and many more styles that have become popularized in 2019. If you are trying to save some money while keeping up with the latest fashion trends, online shopping on the right platforms is a great way to get the most bang for your buck!

Listed are the five most cost-effective online stores that each have their advantages and disadvantages so you can spruce up your summer lookbook. The best way to get the most clothing items on these online stores for the cheapest is to search for promotion codes online and take advantage of any email sign up deals, student discounts, and general sales they are currently promoting.

1. Zaful

If you are looking for a very cheap option so you can put the most in your cart, Zaful is your best bet. This store is stocked with everything under the sun including swimsuits, tops, bottoms, jewelry, shoes, hats, and more starting at 4.99. Zaful offers 15% off of your first order as well as free shipping for orders over $49, so you can fill your cart with more items than you think you are paying for.

2. Nasty Gal

Nasty Gal is a great store for quality items that will live a very long life in your closet. Although the prices seem high at first glance, the online platform has constant deals occurring such as their current 50% off everything sale as well as their 60% off everything for students sale. Nasty Gal is a great brand to build your closet essentials due to the great condition and material of their clothing items.

3. Pretty Little Thing

Pretty Little Thing is a great online store to shop for summer events because of their beautiful dresses and tops. I recommend purchasing occasion wear from this brand because a lot of their loungewear and regular items are overpriced for what they are worth. In the sale section of Pretty Little Thing, you can find many dresses and dress pants for over 55% off. If you are looking for a few fancier outfits for summer occasions, check out the sale section of Pretty Little Thing to get some nice looks for cheap.

4. Misguided

Misguided is an online store that has a unique vibe in the clothing they sell that is worth a browse because of their eccentric and fun styles. The platform has recurring sales that range from 25 to 50 percent off, which allows you to get twice the amount that you pay for. If your style includes graphic t-shirts, oversized t-shirt dresses, and good quality loungewear, Misguided offers great quality items with low prices to spruce up your summer outfit aesthetic.

5. Boohoo

If you love rocking matching sets and co-ords, look no further that Boohoo for the best patterns, styles, and prices. Boohoo usually has a 50% off sale going on, which goes a long way when you can purchase a matching two-piece set for as low as $20. Although Boohoo sells beauty products and accessories, their sets and outfits are the best items to get your money's worth in quality and quantity.

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