When you’re first assigned your freshman-year roommate, you will probably have some questions. Will we be friends? How will we decorate our room? Where is she from? What if we don’t get along? Is she a cat?
And then there are follow-up questions, such as: We’ve settled on a color scheme, but who will buy the firefly lights? And If she is a cat, what should I expect my year to look like?
Well, I am here to answer the latter question. Below are 21 things to prepare for if you discover your roommate is a cat.
1. You will not be able to bring your pet fish to school with you.
This isn’t to say your roommate’s not trustworthy, but even if she does swear on her mother’s flea collar that she won’t eat your new beta… Maybe wait until Thanksgiving break to introduce your aquarian friend to your living quarters.
2. If you were wondering whether or not you really needed a mini-fridge in your room, you do.
Your roommate will want a full carton of milk on hand at all times.
3. You’d better trust everyone on your hall, because close and lock your door you shall not.
Your roommate may fit into endless small spaces, but she can’t reach the doorknob.
4. Thinking of ordering from that pizza place that the sophomores say is a Friday night lifesaver?
Just be aware that your roommate probably won’t help you eat said pizza, though she will definitely sit in the box afterwards.
5. By the end of orientation week, you may start to notice that your roommate can be a bit condescending.
But when she starts to groom herself sarcastically because you asked her a “dumb” question, remember that you have opposable thumbs and she doesn’t. She’s new to this whole college thing too, and she’s probably just insecure.
6. No matter how quiet your roommate might try to be, she’ll have a hard time silencing that bell on her collar.
Tinny jingling may become the new soundtrack to your life, even late at night before an exam when you are trying to sleep.
7. There will be a gender-neutral litter box in your room.
And don’t piss off your roommate, or she might pee on your shirt.
8. Are you working on that term paper?
Or sending an email to a professor? Your roommate will be sitting on your keyboard to “help.” In fact, she will sit on whatever surface you need immediate access to. Re-reading your notes from class? Think again; an open notebook makes a great cushion. Folding laundry? Ha, forget it.
9. If you hear her gagging in the middle of the night, don’t assume that she has alcohol poisoning.
It’s merely your roommate dealing with a hairball. Glamorous, no, but a part of life, yes.
10. Your roommate might not be vegan or gluten free, but you’ll have to get over the fact that she eats in your room, never in the dining hall, and her food smells really bad.
11. Don’t be offended when your roommate comes bounding to the door to greet you and then suddenly acts like she doesn’t know you at all.
12. If there is a particularly delightful patch of sunlight on your bed…
It won’t be your bed for long.
13. Your roommate will have no qualms about being naked or bathing herself in your room, even when you have friends over.
Be ready to explain to your new love interest why your roommate is shamelessly licking her nether-regions in his presence.
14. There’s a chance your roommate will be jealous if/when your addiction to the cute cats of Instagram becomes apparent.
Or when your lonely friend Steve posts a funny cat video on your Facebook timeline and all your aunts like it. However, so long as you don’t commit the ultimate betrayal of following some sort of dog account on social media, you should remain in her good graces. For now.
15. Speaking of addiction, your roommate may be grappling with some darker issues.
Catnip addiction is a very real problem that plagues many college-age cats, and it’s important to support your roommate if she is struggling with this dangerous disease. Remind her that she is not alone, and remember that neither are you. There are resources all over campus tor addicts and their loved ones, and other 12-step programs she can turn to for outside help. Catnip addiction is scary, but it is not unconquerable. With you by her side, she can beat this.
16. Sometimes, part of being a good friend to your roommate is simply knowing the proper time to administer an under-the-chin or behind-the-ears scratch.
Hint: it’s usually right meow.
17. Friendship is a two-way street.
Your roommate may be somewhat haughty at times, but she’s there for you like you are for her. You can always count on waking up from a rough night with your roommate comfortingly draped across your face.
18. Luckily for you, heavy purring is much easier endured than loud snoring.
In fact, it can actually be rather soothing and meditative.
19. Need to master the between-class power nap?
You can learn from the best.
20. She’s always down for a yoga stretch-sesh to de-stress.
21. You’ll never have to guess if your roommate is upset — flat ears, growling, and unusual tail-twitching are all sure signs you’ve done something wrong.
But if drinking is involved, this will probably escalate into a full-blown catfight. Beware of her fingernails; your perfectly manicured acrylics have got nothing on her claws.
Your roommate may be aloof at times, but she will love you and want you to know it. It may be creepy to look up at your window and see nothing but two yellow eyes staring back in the darkness, but be glad that your roommate is so vigilant and eager to see you home safe at night. Just because she’s not like your other friends’ roommates doesn’t mean she’s not amazing. Do your friends’ roommates affectionately brush against their legs in neurotic figure eights? Would your friends’ roommates leave a thoughtful gift of a dead rodent in their shoe after a fight? No. Your roommate might be a lot to deal with at times, but she’s a lovable ball of fluff with sharp teeth and heart of gold. And you are lucky to have her.
