I recently saw a video of a woman who walked down the streets of New York in complete silence for 10 hours, and was sexually harassed by men over 100 times. The video is almost completely disturbing to watch, and being a woman myself, I can tell you from experience that this does happen and can be extremely unsettling. I watched this video in a session at my college that was to help make the students aware of what sexual harassment is and to make sure that the students were clear about the rule of consent.
After this video, a very interesting conversation sparked up that soon became almost like a debate. One male student raised his hand and asked “I don’t know if this is just me, but some of the comments that were made just sounded like compliments. Why should a guy be responsible for the feelings of the girl, if she is just taking a sincere compliment in the wrong way? I am a very sociable person. I just like to talk to people. Why should that be considered wrong?” Many girls responded with their reasons why.
You see, the problem doesn’t lie with what a well-intentioned man said. The problem is that a woman never knows the true meaning behind the words being spoken to her. However, the intentions can be pretty clear through the tone and eye movement of the cat caller. In the video, one man yelled after the woman, “Somebody’s acknowledging you for being beautiful. You should say thank you more.” This then objectifies the woman. She is apparently supposed to be thankful because a man expressed what he liked about her body. More often than not, the intentions are not good. For example, one of the guys in the video, who could have arguably said the nicest comment, ended up being the one to follow her for five straight minutes. You just never know. For a girl’s safety, it is better to just keep walking and not engage. Most women would tell you that they would just prefer a male stranger did not say anything to them. If you want to acknowledge a woman simply to be kind, you are better off giving a smile and a nod, and to continue walking by.
It was also asked of the boys how they would feel if they were walking by and a girl started to try to talk to them. The response was, “I would say ‘Ummm, hi?’” Why the “um?” I wonder if it could be because it feels weird or unusual. The answer is yes! Of course it feels weird and unusual. This is a stranger. You do not know this person. You don’t know what they want. You are just trying to get to where you need to go. Now imagine that feeling as a girl, usually being much smaller and weaker than the person who is trying to engage her attention. Do you think that feeling of weird and unusual might escalate to a feeling of insecurity and fear?
That was when another boy raised his hand. The next words to come out of his mouth were probably the most thought-provoking and truthful words a person could have said at the time. He said, “If we as men know that what we are about to say will even have the chance of making the girl feel uncomfortable, and we choose to say them anyway, we most certainly must take the responsibility of how those words just made her feel.”
Finally, the session was nearing an end. The main speaker walked off and the introduction speaker came back up to close. While pointing to the boy who asked the initial question, he said, “I completely agree with you. I come from a place where it is normal to just say hi to people. It’s normal to greet and to talk to everyone, including strangers. Sadly, this is not the case wherever we go. It is not the case in many places at all anymore. You may just be a nice person and want to say hi, no matter whom it is, but if you are in a place where you know that might make someone feel unsafe, then you must be responsible for the words that you say. You have to be careful.”
Sexual harassment is no joke. It’s a big deal and it must be taken seriously. We do not live in a safe world. It can be dangerous and bad things do happen. Unfortunately, not everyone has good intentions. Below is the link to the video that has been described.
OK, here’s another one. It’s still not good that people were doing this to her, but her responses were hilarious.
