Dear Girl,

I see you.

Yes, you. The one who spends her days furiously dieting, frantically exercising, overworking herself in pursuit of skinny - in search of the supposedly enviable "size 0." The beautiful girl, unable to see her own beauty, standing in front of a mirror which screams every single flaw, face fallen at the lack of a gap between her thighs.

"Mirror, mirror on the wall..." as the days and months and years of your life roll by... Wasted.

And, darling, I must ask you: Why does it matter?

Does it matter because guys don't date the girls without a gap between their thighs? Does it matter because girls gauge your friendship potential based on the number on the size tag?

May I remind you that those numbers were only meant as a measure of ascertaining whether or not you could be comfortably dressed in that piece of clothing - if it would fit your frame with ease?

When did they become synonymous with our self worth?

"Maybe he would love me if I just lost weight" seems to be the mantra of our diet culture, high school culture, college culture... Culture in general. Countless Cinderella stories seem to revolve around the fat awkward shy nerdy girl with glasses, nose buried in a book, who suddenly spies a boy she likes and therefore transforms herself into a beauty queen in order to win his affections. This somehow always seems to entail losing weight.

Have we forgotten that the Prince also sees Cinderella, loves her, for who she really is underneath the shimmering ballgown and iridescent glass slippers?

See, I will never forget the first time I was told that the way I saw myself wasn't the lens through which a man of character would. I say "a man of character" because I have heard the phrase "you're/she's fat" far too many times from the lips of far to many guys to foolishly believe that all men view women with clear vision.

But I remember a conversation with a friend a few years back where I had been harping on the fact that I would never be happy until I reached the coveted "size 0", and as I laid out my ideal as shown in the magazines - visible collarbones, hip bones, skinny thighs with a gap between, perfectly flat stomach - I was met with shock and horror... And confusion, as I had to explain what exactly a thigh gap was.

The thigh gap that I so idolized? He didn't even know what i was talking about!

"Who cares if you're a size 0? Guys don't! You don't need to be that thin. You should not be that thin.... As to thigh gap, I can tell you that I have never noticed if a woman had one before or not in my life."

I was thoroughly stunned. What really shocked me, though, was his assertion that "I know a lot of girls, and the amount that are size 0 has to be pretty dang small if you aren't."

I've never forgotten that line. Because, at the time, I was about a size 6. But it was news to him that I wasn't a size 0.

I had a similar experience last weekend in PA, when my brother offered his sweater to my grandmother and I worried whether or not it would fit her.

"It's a men's small!" he exclaimed. "She's probably a lady's small... If anything it might be too big!"

I looked at him in astonishment. "She's a medium. At least!"

He gave me a skeptical look. "She's tiny."

And it struck me that perhaps the things we consider of value, like being a size 0, aren't even noticed by the opposite gender, and only serve to further comparison and self-hatred within our own. Things that we want because we think that they will make us more attractive to guys, or maybe even want because we think that if we finally have them then we will be able to love our bodies, to be content with the skin we are given - things such as size 0, thigh gaps, visible collarbones and jutting hipbones with a perfectly toned stomach.

We ought to strive for health - to eat healthy and exercise because it will further our overall health, but as far as size 0 goes...Why is it such a big deal?

And I ask myself the same question, having striven and struggled for years to reach that size; because when I finally did, having developed an eating disorder along the way, I found myself utterly miserable and completely alone.

But we are inculcated to believe that thinner is better. Thinner is always better. Because otherwise how would they sell us diet pills and slimming drinks and the latest fad secret to lose those final few pounds once and for all? There is an entire culture thriving off of feeding the lies of self-hatred to you and I, and I must ask why?

Is it for the opposite gender? Because if it is, then you must know that if a guy doesn't find you attractive based on what you actually look like, when you're not dieting and starving yourself skinny, then you don't want him. If he only wants you because of what you look like, then what happens 10 years, two kids, and several stretch marks and extra pounds down the road?

Is it for other girls? Because girls are vicious for a variety of reasons and just because someone says something about you does not make it true. All those girls who called you fat and ugly? The ones who snubbed you because of your size? Do you really want friends to whom your entire worth is wrapped up in how much you weigh?

Is it for yourself? To finally feel comfortable in your skin, to like your body? Because if so, "If you're not everything without it, you'll never be anything with it". You cannot change your body to heal the wounds of your heart. You will never see your beauty until you heal inside, and no matter how beautiful you are in reality or to the rest of the world, you will not see it until you learn to heal - to appreciate your body for what it is. You cannot hate yourself into loving yourself.

So I ask you again...Who cares? Is it worth it?

Is it worth it for fleeting affection, where their so-called love will fade as soon as you find yourself a few pounds heavier?

Is it worth it when good men will not care what size you are so long as your heart is whole and open and vivid and your soul is spellbinding?

Is it worth it to try to hate yourself into loving yourself, starting on the slippery slope leading down to the hell that is eating disorders?

Because I can tell you that you are only beginning a vicious cycle, and if you think that all your problems will be solved by becoming skinnier, then I promise that the majority of your problems are caused by thinking that way.

Darling, it's not worth it.

It's not worth missing out on the flavors of life anymore.

No one worth anything will care whether or not you're a size 0; but if you forfeit living your life in favor of endless striving after a smaller size, then you will care 50 years down the road when you look back upon a wasted life and bitterly regret misplaced priorities.

So I'm begging you: please, please, please don't let that happen.

It isn't worth it.

And you are worth so much more.