Falling for you was easy. It was so striking and fast. At first, it was quiet and slow, and then it came all at once. I loved your quiet temerity, the vibrations of your deep, sultry voice, the way you said my name like it was a statement.
Falling for you was the easy part. It was exciting and life-changing all at once.
But now, I'm plagued with how to get over it. I fell for you, and now I'm scared I'll never stop. I'll never stop loving you. I'll never fully move on.
You've kept me in this place, locked me in this headspace of believing I need you, without sticking around to fulfill what you created.
My biggest fear now is that I'll never fall out of love with you — that I'll never find a way to be me without your voice in my head.
I'm mad you were so supportive. I'm mad you were so understanding.
I'm mad you were such an encourager because all my dreams are tied to you now.
I'm drowning in you. I can't catch my breath.
I'm soaked in tears and wine, and I can still taste your breath like mint on my tongue.
Somehow, I'm over you, yet I'm not at the same time. I have dated other people, pulled myself out of the despair you left. Yet you still linger, whispering your love in my ear like a poem.
You're in my head. You're always in my head.
I'm so tired from not sleeping, due to all the conversations I play out in my head: the moments you were mean, the moments you were cruel and the moments you said things I know you wish you could take back.
The moments I, too, was cruel to you.
I don't know when we're supposed to move on, or how, but I know we have to.
I know that I don't know how to stop loving you, but damn it, I am determined to try.
Because you were a lesson — one I do not regret.
But that's all you are. A lesson. Not a boyfriend. Not a husband.
Just a memory.
I am packing you away, putting those feelings in a box — out of my head and into the closet.
The only fear I have now is that I won't love again the way I have loved you. But either way, I will try.
I will always try.
