How many times have you said the words "I hate myself"? Out loud, to yourself, in your head, to your friends? How many times have you avoided a mirror or a camera because you just don’t have the energy to be reminded of what you don’t like about yourself? Remember all of the times you were told by a stranger, by your friend, by your family, by the media, that you weren't enough. Not thin enough, not tall enough, not pretty enough, not buff enough, not smart enough, and you believed them. You went so long thinking so lowly of yourself, thinking that you were a waste of space that no one would ever find perfect.
All of those years and tears you spent on wishing you were someone else. Until one day, you stopped wishing, and you went ahead and bought that shirt that people your size “shouldn’t wear.” You asked them out even if they were out of your league, you learned to laugh at things other than yourself, you found a way through the mirrors instead of around them.
When we were younger and we sat in a group of our friends and shared the things we hated about ourselves, it was a comfort to know you weren’t the only one who considered yourself damaged goods. We fed off one another, conditioning ourselves that it was normal not to love ourselves. But after awhile, there was that one person who stopped participating in the self-destructive powwows, who finally had something nice to say about themselves. They instantaneously became a narcissist, self-absorbed, and vain. Someone who takes a hundred selfies just because they felt photogenic. They had to fight to feel like a person rather than a mistake, so please don’t make them feel bad for it.
In my earlier teenage years, I was not confident or secure. I tried so hard to be, but I couldn’t get around how much I hated my body, how high my voice was, how short I was. It took years of self construction to undo all of the years of demolition I inflicted on myself. But fast forward to today, and I am someone who looks into mirrors for extended periods of time because I love to look at my uneven facial hair, my blemishes, and awkward hairline and still see through it all, and feel handsome. I have gotten really good at addressing the way others see me and putting it aside to how I see myself. I know my strengths and I know my weaknesses.
Today, I refuse to reduce myself in fear of looking vain or self absorbed. I had to work to feel perfect, and I want to teach others how to get to that point, too. So take as many pictures of yourself as you want, look into every reflective surface you pass and say to yourself “I look good today.” Just know that people will think you are obsessed with yourself, and you need to understand that that's not a bad thing. You are allowed to think as highly of yourself as you want to. Become an advocate for self love.
