On Friday, I went to Relay for Life. It was the best and worst night. Never in my life have I felt more emotions, so at loss for words, so completely and utterly lost.

I lost my childhood best friend Sam when I was 15 from brain cancer. Four years ago, this unsolicited burden came into my life that nobody wanted and nobody deserved. Since my hero left my life, it has been even more difficult than ever. Four years have gone by, and my pain continues to grow exponentially.

So, I think you can see the struggle I felt on Friday night. I remember it vividly, that first lap where only the patients and survivors walk, and everyone stands around and watches them, clapping. Instead of clapping, I was crying. I was so distraught, I couldn't hold myself up.

Why did they survive and not Sam? Why did she have to die at 15 years old? Why did she have to suffer, and I had to watch, hopeless, desperate for some sort of help?

I was so happy to see these men and women walk, so happy. But it only heightened my sadness. I sat outside for an hour or so, thinking about how unfair life is, thinking about how so many people just don't understand. I had no direction, nowhere to go, nobody to really talk to.

Cancer is probably the worst thing anyone could have to go through -- whether you have it or you know someone that has it, or has died because of it. It is such an undeserved thing that nobody wants, nobody needs, and nobody should ever have to go through.

I miss my best friend. I miss my life before it happened. I miss that smile on her face that used to shine so bright.