Call me a cheap date, but the right price I am looking for is getting to know you, not hooking up with you.
Strange to hear coming from a man who is not a feminist, who is progressive and religious to a fault, and is more moderate and discerning than anything else.
Why then am I not able to start a relationship with a woman? It is probably because I am too busy with my work life.
I know my career choice is limited to those who do not share it. I too would find some limitations in the opposite profession. But whether it is washing dishes or digging ditches, good work is good work. I enjoy the work I have chosen and do. The problem I find is a lack of professional consistency in both my work and social lives.
I do not doubt that I possess the right skills to pay the bills. Finding someone to pay me for those skills is the only obstacle I have.
Now, how credible I am, how determined I am, are qualities that other male counterparts in my demographic are not known for or do not have. You would think these would be qualities a woman is expecting and requiring in a relationship, so what else could there be? I am proud of the fact that I grind and have this work ethic, but my worry is that my give-one-hundred-percent attitude is unattractive or a spontaneity killer.
I always imagined my romantic life being subtle yet understood, something like Kyle Reese and Sarah Connor's relationship. The only exception is that our futures would not depend on us having time-breaking sex to change one dystopian future into another, better future. But the sex would be just as great and existential.
Do I think I deserve a relationship? Not exactly.
Knowing what I deserve, I have found, is one of the more selfish practices I want to do away with. Do I think someone deserves a relationship with me? No, and not because I am good for the woman in this scenario, but because I think I would be less than trouble and more than ordinary for her.
I'm like a utility... like a parking meter that just blends into the woodwork with sentience a la "The Brave Little Toaster."
I do not know if I should be on the lookout for a romantic relationship. I do not know if I will see it when it shows itself. I do not know if a woman is looking for the good head on my shoulders or someone with shoulders to carry her load instead.
The only certainty I have in this is a simple truth I learned early enough: don't chase people. The right people in your life will show up in your life and the best people will stay with you. It does not have to be many or a few, they just have to count.
I will not gamble with love, so I will keep my heart in my save-it-for-a-rainy-day chest.
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