I distinctly remember a time in fifth grade when all the guys were discussing girls in the class. “Which girl would you most like to date?” asked the boys. Their answers varied on their favorites, but when they asked each other, laughing, which girl they’d least like to date, it was unanimous: me.

The next few years were filled with experiences of a similar (and worsening) nature. Boys and girls alike seemed to take pleasure in ridiculing me for things that were integral to my identity — the way I walked, talked, laughed, smiled, and dressed. I started taking pity on myself and refusing to view myself as someone who could ever be strong. The words and actions taken against me worked their way inside my mind and made me weak, and I wallowed in my weakness as if I could never escape from it.

An important part of healing from bullying is eliminating this victim mindset. So many others have had the same burden as I had, but have viewed themselves as helpless victims with no ability to find value and strength in their experiences. A victim mindset encourages rumination. When we ruminate, we begin to believe that because we’re helpless, there’s no way we can use our painful experiences to benefit others and put a stop to what hurt us. People who have been bullied are strong, loved, capable, and not defined by their tormentors. I want the bullied and the broken to stop thinking of themselves as victims, but as people who can withstand and bounce back from the unjust words spoken against them.

And by "bounce back," I mean emerge stronger, wiser, and even more capable of helping to eliminate bullying.

Do the words of my bullies still hurt? Not like they used to. I recognize them as lies now. I can look at myself in the mirror and know that I am beautiful. I am adequate, loved, and talented. Sometimes I have to force my brain to remember these truths when I’m having rough days, but they are always there etched on the tablet of my mind; I only have to remind myself to look for their markings.

The same truths that apply to my life apply to yours. You cannot be defined by what other cruel people have said. If you have been bullied, take a deep breath and remember the truths about your life. You’re beautiful and unique, strong and capable, with a purpose that only you can discover. As you begin to heal from the wounds others have given you, remember that there is beauty in the pain.