I grew up watching romantic comedies with my dad. I loved– and still love– watching romance movies. There was something about those movies that stirred my little-girl heart watching the love story unfold.

Guy and Girl meet.

Guy and Girl like each other (as more than friends).

Hilarious mistakes ensue.

Guy gets Girl.

That’s usually how the plot of every romance movie goes, anyway. Think The Notebook, Notting Hill, 10 Things I Hate About You– the guy pursues the girl and usually gets her in the end.

But in real life, I think dating goes something like this:

Guy and Girl meet.

Guy and Girl secretly like each other.

Girl tells her best friend who tells Guy’s best friend, who tells Guy that Girl likes him.

Guy gets the phone number of Girl from her best friend, Guy texts Girl.

Guy asks Girl out over text.

Girl wonders what time Guy will pick her up because he never specified.

Guy picks Girl up for the date (maybe on time… maybe not).

Guy and Girl enjoy the date. Guy doesn’t text until four days later.

Girl wonders if Guy still likes her.

Guy wonders if Girl still likes him.

And so on and so forth. The dating relationship continues, and the whole time neither party really understands what’s going on or where the relationship is going. They dance around the “DTR moment” (DTR: Define The Relationship) until someone gets impatient and brings the topic up. And more often than not, the two parties have different ideas of where the dating relationship is headed.

And both parties suffer.

In today’s world, dating is one of the most unclear and confusing life processes. It is often described as “too much work” and “unpleasant”– a process that should be described as "exciting" and "full of adventure". And it is all because we have forgotten the art of clarity.

The word clarity derives from the word clear, which itself has 74 definitions. Among those definitions are easily seen or sharply defined and free from confusion, uncertainty or doubt.

In short, to avoid pain in dating, we need better communication.

We need to spell out our intentions–where we want the relationship to go– at the beginning of the relationship, not somewhere else down the line. Maybe not on the first date, but don’t wait until the 20th date either.

We also need to make more of an effort to understand the other person. What are they feeling? Are there certain personal boundary lines they want to draw? The last thing you want is accidentally lead someone on.

To do this, we need to push past the awkwardness of having the conversation and actually have the conversation. Clarity can often bring discomfort– a feeling we are quick to avoid.

But having these conversations means that we don’t waste our time with someone who doesn’t want the same things we want. Our time is one of the most valuable things we have and we don’t want to live with the regret of throwing it away.

We need to bring clarity back. Not as a fad or a trend, but as a social principle. Only then will our relationships start to treat us better.