Note: The purpose of this piece is entirely satirical. Any comments or statements made are intended as a joke.

Another Note: A joke is a thing that someone says to cause amusement or laughter, especially a story with a funny punchline. Please keep this in mind while reading.

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I'm a hardworking student: I wake up early, go to various challenging classes throughout the day, and end with a differing club or activity each night. In between these exciting events, I go to the dining hall, where I briefly rest, refuel, and rejuvenate before hurrying on to my next destination. I'll admit, this constant on-the-go lifestyle was difficult to adjust to the first few weeks of school, as my workload grew and my free time dwindled. But there was one thing that kept me going during this time of darkness. That's right, black cherry seltzer.

I first fell in love with the seltzer at my first trip to the dining hall. It was love at first sight; I got an immediate gut feeling that I was supposed to drink it every day for the rest of my life. After discovering it, everything seemed easier: I could handle any obstacles, challenges, or pressures thrown my way. It accompanied my every meal, as it was conveniently located in all of the dining locations around campus. I think I was so naively blindsided by the utter happiness that it brought me that when it disappeared, I was hit the hardest.

Then suddenly, it was gone. Gone from every location, every faucet, every dispenser. Oh, they tried to fool me. Many a times I would eagerly fill up my cup hoping it's refreshing, bubbly self had returned, only to find myself sipping plain, boring, sparking water. In one location, a disgusting red liquid came out, as if hoping I would accept it in its place. Instead, I felt nauseatingly revolted that they thought they could get away with something so deceitful.

Looking around every day in the dining halls, I feel bitter watching the other oblivious students happily fill up their shiny glasses with sugar-laden liquids, while I am left to resort to the lime flavor of the seltzer. The LIME. One student, in a passionate display of frustration, proclaimed that this was a "disgrace to the school, to herself, and to humanity". Me, I mourn the loss of what once was. And I am not the only one; I could name a whole five other people who are equally as traumatized by the effect of the lack of black cherry seltzer. So, dining hall, if you are reading this, I ask- no- beg of you to find it in your hearts to restore the seltzer that has made such a positive impact at our school. Please. If you don't want to do it for me, do it for the other students: all five of them will deeply appreciate it.