Controlling Relationships

Because Of You, I've Learned My Worth

I have been through a lot because of you. But here I am. Still standing.

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I go past the place you used to work when I come home from school. I look for your vehicle every time in town even though I know you are at school. I know you have moved on. And so have I. But I can't help but remember what you all did to me, all the things we did together. Everything about us.

I turn on the radio and channel surf and pass the channel that you always listened to when we were in the car together. The songs you made me listen to. I hear the name of the actor you used to love seeing in movies and my hear immediately thinks of you.

You were stuck in my head for years. The boy that made my life fun. It made my life busy. The boy that would walk to me to class in the morning and would wait for me after school. I go back to that school and am filled with memories of control and helplessness. You thought of me at random times during the day. You made feel wanted. Until you didn't.

A year passed before things became different. Where I was involved in organizations at school that made me happy. You were supposed to support me. Until you didn't. You started to get more frustrated and yell more. We got into more fights. I would do anything you wanted just so things wouldn't be mad at me. I began to remember the bad times rather than the good. Our relationship was becoming hostile. You would barely say two words to me if I said something the night before that upset you.

Until one day it got better. You became more accepting of who I was. You were trying to support what I was doing. I was speaking more without being of afraid. I was speaking my mind again. I was able to voice my opinions. Yes, you read that sentence right. I was forced to feel like I couldn't speak about my opinions in fear of getting yelled at. Until you didn't.

You blew up one day. You yelled at me in your truck for minutes that felt like hours. When trying to explain myself, you hurt me. My worst fear came to life. The one I told you way back when I started dating you. You hurt me. Physically and mentally. That day, I was never the same. I stayed with you 3 months after that day in hopes that things would get better. That you would apologize. The day I broke up with you was the scariest day of my life but it was that step I had to take.

Because of you, I never thought I would be loved again. I thought I would be criticized and made fun of for the way I was. The person I was. That I was worthless. Until the next day at school. I was back to being myself. My best friend saw something in me that she hadn't seen in a long time. When I was with you, I had never been so down on myself. Every day was a struggle to get out of bed. My dreams were better than the life I was living with you.

It's been almost four years. I have my life back to about where I want to be. I've talked through the experience I went through and coped with it. Because of you, I am stronger. I know exactly who I am is perfect the way it is. I will never change anything because of a guy, especially you.

Because of you, I know exactly who I want for the future. You narrowed my search if you will. You showed me that the MAN I end up with will treat me with respect and like a princess. Someone who will communicate and talk to me calmly instead of just yelling.

I am with a man that who treats me as I expect to be treated. He treats like the princess I never knew I was. Because you made me feel like I was less than that. Because of you, this is who I am. I am strong and loved and I know what I am worth. The aftermath was messy to clean up, but here I stand.

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I'd Rather Be Single Than Settle – Here Is Why Being Picky Is Okay

They're on their best behavior when you're dating.
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Dating nowadays described in one word: annoying.

What's even more annoying? when people tell you that you're being too "picky" when it comes to dating. Yes, from an outside perspective sometimes that's exactly what it looks like; however, when looking at it from my perspective it all makes sense.

I've heard it all:

"He was cute, why didn't you like him?"

"You didn't even give him a chance!"

"You pay too much attention to the little things!"

What people don't understand is that it's OKAY to be picky when it comes to guys. For some reason, girls in college freak out and think they're supposed to have a boyfriend by now, be engaged by the time they graduate, etc. It's all a little ridiculous.

However, I refuse to put myself on a time table such as this due to the fact that these girls who feel this way are left with no choice but to overlook the things in guys that they shouldn't be overlooking, they're settling and this is something that I refuse to do.

So this leaves the big question: What am I waiting for?

Well, I'm waiting for a guy who...

1. Wants to know my friends.

Blessed doesn't even begin to describe how lucky I am to have the friends that I do.

I want a guy who can hang out with my friends. If a guy makes an effort to impress your friends then that says a lot about him and how he feels about you. This not only shows that he cares about you but he cares about the people in your life as well.

Someone should be happy to see you happy and your friends contribute to that happiness, therefore, they should be nothing more than supportive and caring towards you and your friendships.

2. Actually, cares to get to know me.

Although this is a very broad statement, this is the most important one. A guy should want to know all about you. He should want to know your favorite movie, favorite ice cream flavor, favorite Netflix series, etc. Often, (the guys I get stuck on dates with) love to talk about themselves: they would rather tell you about what workout they did yesterday, what their job is, and what they like to do rather than get to know you.

This is something easy to spot on the first date, so although they may be "cute," you should probably drop them if you leave your date and can recite everything about their life since the day they were born, yet they didn't catch what your last name was.

3. How they talk about other women.

It does not matter who they're talking about, if they call their ex-girlfriend crazy we all know she probably isn't and if she is it's probably their fault.

If they talk bad about their mom, let's be honest, if they're disrespecting their mother they're not going to respect you either. If they mention a girl's physical appearances when describing them. For example, "yeah, I think our waitress is that blonde chick with the big boobs"

Well if that doesn't hint they're a complete f* boy then I don't know what else to tell you. And most importantly calling other women "bitches" that's just disrespectful.

Needless to say, if his conversations are similar to ones you'd hear in a frat house, ditch him.

4. Phone etiquette.

If he can't put his phone down long enough to take you to dinner then he doesn't deserve for you to be sitting across from him.

If a guy is serious about you he's going to give you his undivided attention and he's going to do whatever it takes to impress you and checking Snapchat on a date is not impressive. Also, notice if his phone is facedown, then there's most likely a reason for it.

He doesn't trust who or what could pop up on there and he clearly doesn't want you seeing. Although I'm not particularly interested in what's popping up on their phones, putting them face down says more about the guy than you think it does.

To reiterate, it's okay to be picky ladies, you're young, there's no rush.

Remember these tips next time you're on a date or seeing someone, and keep in mind: they're on their best behavior when you're dating. Then ask yourself, what will they be like when they're comfortable? Years down the road? Is this what I really want? If you ask yourself these questions you might be down the same road I have stumbled upon, being too picky.. and that's better than settling.

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