Because Of You, I've Learned My Worth

Because Of You, I've Learned My Worth

I have been through a lot because of you. But here I am. Still standing.

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I go past the place you used to work when I come home from school. I look for your vehicle every time in town even though I know you are at school. I know you have moved on. And so have I. But I can't help but remember what you all did to me, all the things we did together. Everything about us.

I turn on the radio and channel surf and pass the channel that you always listened to when we were in the car together. The songs you made me listen to. I hear the name of the actor you used to love seeing in movies and my hear immediately thinks of you.

You were stuck in my head for years. The boy that made my life fun. It made my life busy. The boy that would walk to me to class in the morning and would wait for me after school. I go back to that school and am filled with memories of control and helplessness. You thought of me at random times during the day. You made feel wanted. Until you didn't.

A year passed before things became different. Where I was involved in organizations at school that made me happy. You were supposed to support me. Until you didn't. You started to get more frustrated and yell more. We got into more fights. I would do anything you wanted just so things wouldn't be mad at me. I began to remember the bad times rather than the good. Our relationship was becoming hostile. You would barely say two words to me if I said something the night before that upset you.

Until one day it got better. You became more accepting of who I was. You were trying to support what I was doing. I was speaking more without being of afraid. I was speaking my mind again. I was able to voice my opinions. Yes, you read that sentence right. I was forced to feel like I couldn't speak about my opinions in fear of getting yelled at. Until you didn't.

You blew up one day. You yelled at me in your truck for minutes that felt like hours. When trying to explain myself, you hurt me. My worst fear came to life. The one I told you way back when I started dating you. You hurt me. Physically and mentally. That day, I was never the same. I stayed with you 3 months after that day in hopes that things would get better. That you would apologize. The day I broke up with you was the scariest day of my life but it was that step I had to take.

Because of you, I never thought I would be loved again. I thought I would be criticized and made fun of for the way I was. The person I was. That I was worthless. Until the next day at school. I was back to being myself. My best friend saw something in me that she hadn't seen in a long time. When I was with you, I had never been so down on myself. Every day was a struggle to get out of bed. My dreams were better than the life I was living with you.

It's been almost four years. I have my life back to about where I want to be. I've talked through the experience I went through and coped with it. Because of you, I am stronger. I know exactly who I am is perfect the way it is. I will never change anything because of a guy, especially you.

Because of you, I know exactly who I want for the future. You narrowed my search if you will. You showed me that the MAN I end up with will treat me with respect and like a princess. Someone who will communicate and talk to me calmly instead of just yelling.

I am with a man that who treats me as I expect to be treated. He treats like the princess I never knew I was. Because you made me feel like I was less than that. Because of you, this is who I am. I am strong and loved and I know what I am worth. The aftermath was messy to clean up, but here I stand.

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To The Girl Who's Still Crying Over the Guy She Never Dated

We've all been there, you never really dated but you might as well have...
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We’ve all been there. Every single one of us. Whether we want to admit it or not, we all have been where you are; so let me just say, you’re not alone. No matter if your friends are the best people in the world, I’m sure they’ve had enough of your sadness over a boy who you were never really with. But that’s what’s scary, it feels like you were together. No matter the amount of time, maybe a month, maybe a year, no matter what, you had enough time to gain feelings for another person and be vulnerable; and that in itself is a tough pill to swallow. Now, the one person you thought would never hurt you, did just what they promised they wouldn’t do, and now you’re left putting the pieces of your life back together.

Enough of the sappy stuff. Let me tell you that life goes on. Whether over a boy, or a grade, or whatever it is, I have always told my friends, “You’re going to make it to tomorrow.” And although it seems like the hardest feat you’ve ever endured, you are going to make it to tomorrow. And then, you’re going to make it to the next day. So it may seem that the day you end things with the boy you thought you were going to be with, is the worst day in the world, you are going to make it to tomorrow.

But even though you are going to make it to tomorrow, that doesn’t mean the situation doesn’t suck. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t cry. It doesn’t mean that you won’t be afraid or feel weird going to the bar you once loved, or the restaurant you guys would go to a lot, or the most common place to study on campus, in fear of seeing him. All of those feelings of uncertainty are totally normal, and in time, it will fade.

My friend once told me, this too shall pass.

So while you’re sad, or crying, or complaining about this boy, your friends might be telling you, “Get over it, you were never really together.” But I promise, it may take a while (seemingly forever), and as hard as it may be to believe right now, you will make it to tomorrow, and this too shall pass. Remember that.

With love from,

The girl who knows what it's like to have to get over the boy she never dated

Cover Image Credit: onehdwallpaper

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To The Guy Who Told Me Not To Be Me, Nice Try

He will not silence me.

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He told me to never cut my hair short because it would make me look too masculine.

So, I sent him pictures of three different pixie cuts and asked him which one I should get.


He told me not to wear red lipstick because it made me look like a slut.

So, I bought every shade from blush rose to maroon.


He told me not to buy heels taller than one and a half inches tall because it's unattractive for a girl to be taller then the guy she is with.

My favorite shop was having a sell on a beautiful pair of three-inch stilettos. I bought them.


He told me that I was putting on a few extra pounds and that I shouldn't order dessert on our next dinner date.

Did he honestly think I would say no to the red velvet cake that our waitress offered?


He flirted with the waitress, saying that I should "look more like her."

I wrote down his number on our receipt before we left the restaurant.


He told me not to leave my "feminine products" on the counter because it's embarrassing.

When his friends came over for guys night, I organized my tampons and pads nicely on the bathroom shelf.


He told me that I couldn't talk to my best friend of 12 years because he was a guy.

I invited him to watch a movie with us at the local cinema the following week.


He told me not to order wine at the bar with him and his work friends because he didn't want me to seem "trashy."

I ordered jack and coke instead.


He told me not to be a feminist because it meant that I thought I was better than him.

My new "GIRL PWR" shirt is my favorite.


He told me to be silent.

He told me that I think too much and that I speak what I think too often.

He told me nobody cares about what I have to say.

He told me that the things I say don't matter.


So, I wrote a poem about him.

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