My Ex Made Everyone Think I'm A Slut, And Having To Be The Bigger Person Isn't Fair

My Ex Told Everyone I'm A Slut, And Having To Be The Bigger Person In This Breakup Is NOT Fair

When your character is being slandered, should you have to keep quiet to be "the adult?"


It was a quiet morning a few days after we broke up that he burst into my apartment insisting to talk with me. I did not want to. I had been sleeping, and I was naked. He came over to the side of my bed and crouched next to me.

Then, he saw the hickey on my neck.

His nice-guy demeanor changed quickly. He demanded to know where I had gotten it, trying to pull my comforter close to him. I'm a pretty small woman and that tug of war certainly wasn't a fair fight. I couldn't struggle against him back anymore. My voice lowered.

It was from our roommate.

Which, evidently, was not his business. None of it was. Not seeing me naked that morning and certainly not barging into the house that was now mine.

He screamed at me in a way I had heard before but wrote off each time. It was pure anger. He told me I was a whore. That our roommate was a pig. He threatened to beat him up until I started screaming for him to leave.

Go away. You aren't welcome here.

Before that, I was truly excited to finally go pave my own path after being in a bad place for so long. I was happy for him, too. I hoped he could find peace somewhere else.

It wasn't three days later that I had gotten news that he had spread stories to everyone we knew. I was now the town slut who couldn't keep her legs closed for one day. The maneater, the friend-stealer.

I was abusive, toxic, and an irredeemable sinner for the rest of my life.

I wasn't my own person suddenly, and the narrative wasn't mine. What was I to do?

I had plenty of my own stories to slug back with. The truth was, I wasn't a victim, but neither was he. We were far from victims because we both contributed to the hole we dug ourselves into unknowingly. It was sad and toxic. We both spiraled but clung to each other.

I was afraid of leaving because he was all I had ever known. We were always depressed, feeding off each others' negative energy. I was a little shocked about how I was dragged through the mud.

If he had honestly been through what we had gone through, why had he painted me to be the villain?

Why did everything suddenly erase from his mind?

Yet, I didn't want to keep tallies. I felt it was the adult thing to do to just write it off and move on. We could've gone head to head forever, calling each other out on what had contributed to our breakup, so I kept my head underwater, wondering what those friends thought of me now that he had spun stories that weren't true and twisted.

In the weeks after, he had contacted me on and off, hot and cold. Sometimes, he would wish me luck with life. Sometimes, he would call me a horrible person.

What really shook me were these three statements:

  1. I was just like my mother. (My mother is a drug addict who verbally abused me my whole life).
  2. I was not a strong woman. (I had written a piece of poetry called "Strong Woman" in direct response to being sexually assaulted at my workplace.)
  3. He told me I had no good left in me.

He knew how bad those words would hurt me. It was heartbreaking to have such low blows swung at me with no one to tell — without stooping to a level I did not wish to be on.

I would cry thinking about it.

I couldn't help but wonder why it was fair to have to quietly deal with what he had said when he played a victim, writing off everything he's ever done.

Why did I have to be the bigger person?

I still had to deal with healing what had been broken. He used to look back on photos when I weighed 20 pounds less and tell me he missed those days — missed what we used to look like. He was constantly commenting on other women's looks, even going so far as to tell me a girl at a register was "his type."

She looked nothing like me.

He even commented on his friends. He had told me his best girlfriend would be attractive if her forehead wasn't so big. From the very start of our relationship, while I was still 17, he made it clear he could never be with just one woman if we planned to be together for the rest of our lives.

It made me insecure and suspicious. I really felt like a controlling, crazy girlfriend most of the time. What I didn't know was that the jealousy was justified.

Why couldn't I tell someone some of these things?

Why did I have to keep this all in to be the bigger person?

It was sad and cold knowing the person that I had loved for years, regardless of what happened, wouldn't own up to what had happened between us.

Again and again, I thought about what everyone must've thought about me. They were still his friends, so it must've been a question, at best, in their mind — was she really just a fake personality all along?

My happiness in being able to start fresh was stalled. With one swoop, the people around me had to question me.

Was I toxic and horrible?

I still didn't open my mouth. What was the use anyway, throwing grenades back and forth?

Was it fair to be reduced to a Jezebel — horrible because I am a person who enjoys sex?

Because he thought I shouldn't have had it so soon after we had broken up?

Because I wanted to do what I wanted to, with nothing to do with him?

I knew speaking up could mean undermining my own feelings. I knew anything I said could be easily twisted, the same way he twisted who I was in his head again and again. I even feared writing this, knowing all of it could be thrown aside with a few words.

Is it fair?


It's not fair.

I wanted to move on, and he made that so much harder. He still does.

Yet, for some reason, I still hope he's happy.

Follow Swoon on Instagram.

Report this Content

These Superfood Beauty Products Show Kale And Matcha Work For SO Much More Than We Thought

Just another summer's day with a cold glass of kombucha on my face.

I've been vegan for about six years now, so a love for fresh vegetables and superfoods has now become a core part of my being. Don't get me wrong. I love my indulgent, creamy pastas and truffle fries more than anyone. But I keep most of my focus on eating clean and healthy so I can indulge guilt-free.

But I'd say about a large part of my diet has always, unknowingly, included superfoods. Being Indian, lentils, beetroot, garlic, ginger, and whole grains have been core essentials on the family dinner table since I could digest solid foods.

Keep Reading... Show less

Now that college is around the corner for most if not all young adults, students once shook by a pandemic now have to shift their focus on achieving their career goals. As if we thought we had it together already! As an NYC girl, I have always seen myself as a hustler, hungry to advance my career in journalism by having one skill: working hard.

Keep Reading... Show less

Kourtney Kardashian has decided to leave "Keeping Up With The Kardashians" after nearly 14 years and although we saw this coming, it breaks our heart that she won't be there to make us laugh with her infamous attitude and hilarious one-liners.

Kourtney is leaving the show because it was taking up too much of her life and it was a "toxic environment" for her.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

We Asked You How You Felt About Resuming 'Normal' Activities, And Some Of Your Answers Shocked Us

The New York Times asked 511 epidemiologists when they'd feel comfortable doing "normal" activities again, considering COVID-19. We asked our peers the same thing, for science.

Last month, the New York Times surveyed about 500 epidemiologists asking about their comfort level with certain activities once deemed normal — socializing with friends, going to the doctor, bringing in the mail. That's all well and good for the experts, but they are a very niche group, not the majority of the population. What do "normal" people feel safe doing? In certain states, we've seen how comfortable everyone is with everything (looking at you, Florida), but we wanted to know where Odyssey's readers fell on the comfort scale. Are they sticking with the epidemiologists who won't be attending a wedding for another year, or are they storming the sunny beaches as soon as possible?

Keep Reading... Show less
Disney Plus

Millions of musical-lovers around the world rejoiced when "Hamilton," the hip-hop-mixtape-turned-musical harder to get in to than Studio 54, came to Disney Plus.

For those who had the luxury of being able to watch it in person and rewatch it with us mere mortals on our screens, the experience was almost as gripping as sitting feet from Lin-Manuel Miranda himself. From the stunning sets, graceful choreography, witty dialogue, and hauntingly beautiful singing, the experience was one even my musical-averse family felt moved by.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

Keto Is All Fun And Games Until You're Undernourished And Almost Pass Out

Keto is just another extension of diet culture that boasts rapid weight loss, but at a steep price.

Photo by LOGAN WEAVER on Unsplash

There has been a Keto diet craze going around in the past couple of years, with many of its followers claiming significant weight loss. With any new, trendy diet claiming miraculous weight-loss, one starts to wonder what exactly is happening behind the curtain. The keto, or ketogenic, diet is a very low-carb, high-fat diet that claims to help the body shift its fuel source from carbs to fat. In the medical community it has been prescribed to patients with uncontrolled epilepsy to reduce the frequency of seizures, but other than that there is little conclusive evidence to other potential benefits.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments