To My Boyfriend Who Wants To Be An Officer, I Am Scared For Your Life As You Protect Mine

To My Boyfriend Who Wants To Be An Officer, I Am Scared For Your Life As You Protect Mine

You are debating on accepting the call of duty as I am struggling to you thinking about it.

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I told you from the very beginning I would support you in anything you chose to do; I just didn't think it would be this hard.

You told me today that you wanted to become a police officer. It is a noble duty, a respectable and honorable one, but one that leaves me feeling heavy-hearted.

When you first told me, I was more in denial. I thought you decided because you felt like there were no other options. I went through different websites trying to find things you might enjoy instead of this, but nothing worked. Why should it? This is what you want.

I want you to be happy, I really do, but as I am writing this, I am pouring my eyes out. Having the tears drip on my keyboard because, in my heart, I ache. I think of our future together and how one day we would have a home and child, and then one day you're not there. I see the late nights you come home stressed from your work day and I can't really do anything to help. I see the missed birthdays, Christmas days, and anniversaries. All because your heart is so golden, so pure to put your life on the line to protect the people around you. Including mine.

I know this is an honorable job and one you have wanted for a long time. I just need to process it. This won't be what it is like on TV. Not like "911" or "Chicago PD" or those other shows that people watch every Monday night in the comfort of their living rooms.

No, this will be our lives. Our reality.

Everything on the news will be magnified. I will be watching every day making sure I don't see your name on the screen. Police corruption, miscommunication, etc., will be tied in. I am a worrisome girl, you know that. But I will eventually be at ease.

But I do want this for you. I want you to do this and I will not stand in your way. But please do this for you. Not for me, or your family, or to make instant money. But because it is deep in your heart and you can see yourself doing it for a long time.

I want you to work hard. I will run the miles with you, I will help with the push-ups, heck, I will even go to a shooting range (only once, because they scare me a little). I will do everything I can to show you that you're it for me; and even though I am scared out of my mind about this. I know that God will have you every day you step out of the door.

-Your #1 fan

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An Appreciation Letter To My Boyfriend

I don't think I say it enough...
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To My Loving Boyfriend,

To start off, here's something I don't say nearly enough: thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You do so much for me that I can't even put into words how much I appreciate everything you do - and have done - for me over the course of our relationship so far. While every couple has their fair share of tiffs and disagreements, thank you for getting through all of them with me and making us a better couple at the other end. With any argument, we don't just throw in the towel and say we're done, but we work towards a solution that puts us in a greater place each day. Thank you for always working with me and never giving up on us.

Thank you for being supportive with everything that I want to do. Instead of trying to convince me 'no', you're encouraging me with a 'yes' or 'you got it'. Having you as my number one cheerleader is such a blessing, because I know I'll always have someone rooting for me. And you know that as much as you're cheering for me, I'm cheering for you right back. Having such immense support for one another is so important in any relationship, and I'm so lucky to have that kind of love and attention coming from you everyday.

I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate you more than words can write. I could probably talk for hours about how much I love you and how obsessed I am with you, but that's a little too much to put into an approximately 500 word piece. More importantly than telling you, I hope I'm able to show you everyday through my actions how much of a positive impact you have on my life. I'm certainly not the same person I was when we first started talking over two years ago, but I'm definitely a better person today than then, with a big thanks to you for that. You've helped me grow so much and I know you'll help me to improve for the better even more in the future.

I can't wait to see where life's adventures take us next. The only thing I know is that I definitely want to enjoy those adventures with you by my side. I promise to keep enjoying all of the little things that make every day with you so amazing. Thank you for the thousandth for everything that you do for me, because I don't know where I would be - or who I would be - had it not been you by my side all this time. Thank you for being my best friend, my secret keeper, and my confidante. And if I don't say it enough, always know I love you and everything that you do.

With So Much Love,

Your Very Appreciative Girlfriend

Cover Image Credit: Kayla Master

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It's Time To Challenge 'You Complete Me' Culture

Your partner should be your companion, not your completion!

pmterch
pmterch
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After having some time to reflect after "The Bachelor" finale, I think this is the perfect time to put this article out there. In this article, I want to offer you a different perspective on how to view relationships. I want to challenge you to defy cultural assumptions of what romance is and shine a light on how codependency can squash your happiness.

The puzzle analogy

In wedding vows or proclamations of love, we often hear the phrase, "You complete me." We compare finding our person to finding the missing piece of the puzzle in our lives. Once we place that puzzle piece in the empty hole, we can finally see the beautiful and complete picture. Without that piece, we would be in a frenzy, searching all around under the kitchen table and on everyone's chairs to see if we find it. We desperately hope the dog, or the baby, hasn't eaten it. We hold out hope.

This comparison, as I have found, has created quite an issue in our modern day society. We are so obsessed with finding that missing piece in our lives to complete us that we often search in the wrong places or live in unending frustration. Sometimes we find a perfectly wonderful person, but they seem to lack everything on our checklists of what we have deemed as the perfect missing piece, so we let them go. If you are one of the lucky ones who has found a person who fills the void in your life, you often try to shove them into the puzzle as hard as you can and force them to fit. You need to be filled; you need to have the beauty of the final picture — without it, how could you ever be completely happy?

Where did I go wrong?

I was riding along in the car with my boyfriend when I realized we had hit a rough patch. We are a long distance couple — going to separate colleges four hours away from each other — but we only live two minutes away from each other when we are back at home.

I had never had a boyfriend before my second semester of senior year. I had always been very independent. I moved a lot, which meant anytime I got close to dating someone, POOF, there I went. But, this time I had finally stayed and found an amazing guy — my best friend.

When I was single, I was the queen of relationship advice (as we all are when we are not blinded by rose-colored romance). Finally being in a relationship made me realize how easy it was to fall into habits that I had always scorned others for. I began letting this relationship affect me in ways I never even suspected it could.

Don't get me wrong, this was not his doing at all. My boyfriend is the sweetest guy I know. He is always lifting me up and supporting me to reach my dreams. While we both struggle with anxiety and depression, we have found a way to always put our individual mental health first. My boyfriend had dated people before me, but I had not. This altered expectations of what this relationship was supposed to look like for each of us. He knew what mistakes to try to stay away from, while I was still trying to figure it out.

How to reframe your perspective in relationships

Regardless of my background, I think I have stumbled on the most amazing way of reframing perspective in relationships. Once I started changing the lens on how I looked at our relationship, we started bickering less and I became so much happier.

Here it is: your significant other is your COMPANION, not your COMPLETION.

Of course, you should feel happy and enjoy when your partner is around. They should treat you with care and make you laugh, but they should not be the person filling the empty piece of your heart — that isn't their responsibility. They should not be the ultimate source of happiness that makes you feel emotionally whole. This perspective is extremely unhealthy because people are fickle and we make mistakes. We screw up . . . all the time. Our culture loves to use the phrase, "You complete me." It sounds extremely romantic. However, it can be so problematic.

Now, when I spend time or communicate with my boyfriend, I see it as a lucky bonus we get after we both have spent time improving ourselves that day. When I text him, I don't expect him to reply to me immediately — even though I still wish he would because of the need for instant gratification, let's be real. I know that he is going after his dreams by working as hard as he can to make a life for himself. As a girlfriend, not only should I commend him for that, but I should also give him the space to do that. Likewise, I should go after my dreams and work as hard as I can to achieve them.

Your partner should be the fun blanket you have on top of your comforter. You would be just as warm without the blanket and still get a good nights sleep, but the blanket is still really fuzzy and gives you extra joy and you can wrap it around you while you are watching tv. And, if it is a really cold and stormy night, perhaps you snuggle up with your blanket and hold it tightly for a little extra warmth and comfort.

I am a believer in God, and I believe his holy spirit makes me whole. Regardless of if you share this belief or not, I think we can all agree that we are all supposed to walk through life together and lift each other up. If we expect to put our happiness and worth on the shoulders of one person, then that relationship is going to crumble. Why would you want the person you love most to crumble? I certainly don't. I want to be able to look my partner in the eyes and say, "I love you and I want to stand by you when you need me. When you don't, I will be okay because I am still whole and fulfilled".

pmterch
pmterch

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