I told you from the very beginning I would support you in anything you chose to do; I just didn't think it would be this hard.
You told me today that you wanted to become a police officer. It is a noble duty, a respectable and honorable one, but one that leaves me feeling heavy-hearted.
When you first told me, I was more in denial. I thought you decided because you felt like there were no other options. I went through different websites trying to find things you might enjoy instead of this, but nothing worked. Why should it? This is what you want.
I want you to be happy, I really do, but as I am writing this, I am pouring my eyes out. Having the tears drip on my keyboard because, in my heart, I ache. I think of our future together and how one day we would have a home and child, and then one day you're not there. I see the late nights you come home stressed from your work day and I can't really do anything to help. I see the missed birthdays, Christmas days, and anniversaries. All because your heart is so golden, so pure to put your life on the line to protect the people around you. Including mine.
I know this is an honorable job and one you have wanted for a long time. I just need to process it. This won't be what it is like on TV. Not like "911" or "Chicago PD" or those other shows that people watch every Monday night in the comfort of their living rooms.
No, this will be our lives. Our reality.
Everything on the news will be magnified. I will be watching every day making sure I don't see your name on the screen. Police corruption, miscommunication, etc., will be tied in. I am a worrisome girl, you know that. But I will eventually be at ease.
But I do want this for you. I want you to do this and I will not stand in your way. But please do this for you. Not for me, or your family, or to make instant money. But because it is deep in your heart and you can see yourself doing it for a long time.
I want you to work hard. I will run the miles with you, I will help with the push-ups, heck, I will even go to a shooting range (only once, because they scare me a little). I will do everything I can to show you that you're it for me; and even though I am scared out of my mind about this. I know that God will have you every day you step out of the door.
-Your #1 fan
