I've seen a few articles floating around about fighting with your significant other. Is it normal and healthy? Or is it a sign of toxicity? While every relationship is different, I've been with my boyfriend for almost five and a half years, and let me tell you, we've had our fair share of disagreements.
If you never disagree with your significant other, then either you're really lucky, or you're lying. But how you go about whatever it is you're arguing over says a lot about your relationship.
Over five years my boyfriend and I have gotten better at fighting. Now, it is rare that we get into a disagreement, but I've realized that our "fights" have definitely matured a little from when we were in high school. He used to "win" all the time. I'm TERRIBLE at finding words and expressing my thoughts and emotions when I'm furious or worked up.
My boyfriend is excellent at proving his point. He should really be a lawyer. My go-to was (and sometimes still is) the white flag. I hate fights. I don't care about winning. I just wanted whatever fight it was to be over.
We never really set up rules or guidelines of our arguments, but as we grew up and grew together we realized what helps us get to common ground, and what sets us farther back.
We never swear at each other.
We usually don't swear in our everyday conversations with each other anyway, but in the heat of an argument they can come to mind and flow out of your mouth really easily. We don't swear at each other because it moves us what feels like a million steps back from finding a solution or common ground. It hurts us more when we're already hurting while we're in a fight. It's useless and spiteful.
We don't yell.
Ok, we really try not to yell. It can be hard to not raise your voice a little when you're angry. But like swearing, it's useless and just adds to the anger. If you're fighting, you're probably in a place where you can easily hear each other, so there's no need to shout.
We know when to stop.
We know when to agree to disagree (aka the fight has been going on for a while and we're getting nowhere) and when to admit we're wrong. And then it's done.
We apologize.
Usually after a fight, both of us end up apologizing. Whether we slipped and swore at each other, or raised our voice, or took too long to admit we were wrong, or even if we're just sorry we wasted time fighting in the first place.
Fights suck, there's no denying it. They're exhausting. But a lot of the time, they're a lot worse than they need to be. In the end, if you respect and love each other, you won't ever go to bed angry.
