While at work a few weeks ago, a co-worker asked me if I was dating someone. I told him I had a boyfriend who attends the University of Wisconsin-Stout and that we started dating a little while before I came to the University of St. Thomas. Giving me a weird look of confusion and surprise, he added “coming into a college with a boyfriend? Bad idea.”
Prior to his stance on my relationship he was unfamiliar with, I’ve received several comments similar to this. It’s a common idea that college, Freshman year especially, is a time to meet new people and try new things. I agree that this is important and I encourage myself to do just that almost daily. However, adding a sexual element to this concept is unnecessarily implied and I refuse to stand by it. Having a relationship doesn’t diminish my college experience nor does it negatively alter my ability to “meet new people and try new things.”
When I first came to St. Thomas, I didn’t know anyone. I had a roommate who was flourishing socially and I was stuck in my dorm feeling sorry for myself in my inability to meet new people. I had never had a problem with approaching, introducing, and communicating, but suddenly this process became foreign to me. During this time, I clung to what was familiar. I was homesick and lonely, longing for any social connection. I called my mom, my best friend from home, and, of course, my boyfriend. This time of loneliness soon faded as I began to meet new friends. My boyfriend helped encourage me to put myself out there and reassured me of my ability to be a social butterfly.
As the semester rolled forward, my classes became increasingly more difficult. Juggling work, school, and developing relationships with new people, I was indescribably stressed out. Mondays were rough days for me knowing that I had a week’s worth of insanity ahead of me. My anxiety would build as my professors loaded on the homework and night shifts would get busier and more hectic. When I walked home from work every night on an empty campus that allowed the chaos in my head to swirl and twirl without interruption, I would pick up my phone. Dialing up my boyfriend’s number and hearing his voice instantly eased my mind and reminded me that while everything seemed to be a mess, I still had a steady hand to hold.
I put a lot of importance and value on my relationships, especially with my boyfriend. However, I’m certainly not reliant or dependent on him. I’ve been on my own, suffered by myself, and worked out my own problems independently. Through this, along with learning to be alone, I learned that it’s never wrong to have someone for help; Someone to push me into new opportunities that I’m afraid to take and to pull me along when I consider giving up. My boyfriend has been able to all of that and much more.
Having a boyfriend as a college Freshman isn’t a “bad idea.” I tend to doubt myself a lot and worry about who I am and where I’m going in life. Being surrounded by people that feel the exact same way helps in the sense that my fears aren’t abnormal. However, these fears don’t go away with feeling like I fit in with the uncertain. If anything, it makes me feel like I’m just another person lost in a sea of students unable to figure it all out.
When I hear that special someone say that they know I have a bright future ahead and that no matter what I do, I’ll be successful at it, it helps me find myself when I’m lost. When it’s two o’ clock in the morning and I can’t breathe because I’m completely overwhelmed, my boyfriend is there to help piece me back together. Having him there for me has never been a “bad idea” to me. Falling in love in the midst of a new chapter in my life is something I do not and never will regret.
