A Letter To The Boy Who Broke My Heart

A Letter to the Boy That Broke My Heart,

First, I know you don't even deserve this letter. You tore me down to pieces and left me to pick it all up. You said you loved me, that you would never hurt me, that you would spoil me, that I was unique and you made me feel loved or at least it seemed that way....

Now you tell me that I annoy you, that you get annoyed by my quirks, my singing, my random dancing outburst, and my energetic behavior. That you get annoyed by my voice and constant talking. This is who I am, I'm not going to change my personality because you're annoyed.

It took a long time for me to love myself and see the imperfection beauty that I am. I have struggled all my life trying to be confident with who I am and forget about those haters. You knowing this, decided to use my vulnerable against me to make me feel less than worthy. How does someone even live with themselves doing this to another human being?

You say that stating these feelings about me is not an attack on who I am, but what else could it be? You say you were trying to prepare me for the "real world", but I have parents for that. If you think I would act childish in a professional setting then you don't know me. I act like my inner child around you because I'm comfortable with you, because I love you and thought you felt the same way.

Even though we differed on interests, likes, sports teams, and values I never once said that you were annoying. I never said I didn't want to hear about it or just ignore you till you shut up about it. I, on my own volition, read and studied more about your interests and likes. I purchased sports applications and would sign up for notifications because I wanted to know more about them. I would ask questions because they were important to you, so it was important to me.

We barely saw each other as it was and you already were getting annoyed by me? How? Being a significant other you should want to spend every waking minute with that person because you love them so much! Your priorities should be that loved one, always wanting to see them, interested in their day(bad or good), curious about their family, their traditions.... All of these things should be what you ask!

Knowing and seeing what I see now, I know what I deserve. I know I'm not perfect and I make mistakes. That I'm weird and super quirky. That my family is loud and crazy. That I overthink and assume things. That I squeal when I see a dog. that I worry if you don't like how I look or how I am. I wear all these scars on my shoulder because I've been hurt in the past, now you're making these scars larger and harder to heal.

I want someone who loves me for being a four year old at heart. Someone who joins me in shenanigans and doesn't judge me for thinking odd thoughts. Someone who wants to rediscover their childhood and builds a fort with me. Someone who wants to watch Netflix and have pizza, Someone who says I look beautiful whether I have sweats and my glasses on or a dress and contacts in. These are all things that I deserve because when you love someone, you don't see them as flawed.

This relationship felt like a one way street, that I was always giving and hoping you would show some interest in my likes and excitement.... however, you never did. And I didn't want to settle and conform to someone that you wanted me to be.

I mentioned maybe some space would be good for us, hoping you would fight for me. That you would tag me in a post, send me a text, or call me because you missed me. But, you never did and that was my answer on how you truly felt about me. So I decided to make the toughest decision in my life; packed up your belongings, send them out with a hand written letter explaining why you hurt me. Explaining that the relationship was easy for you, I was willing to sacrifice so much, but you wouldn't do the same for me. Your reaction to this was to blame me for everything. You accepted no responsibility of your actions and criticized me on every level. You weren't even upset and you decided to make me feel even smaller than I had.

I do forgive you for treating me in such ways, I forgive you for putting me as a third priority, I forgive you for making me feel less than worthy because it's time for me to move on.

You taught me a valuable lesson and showed me a life experience,I thank you for that. However, now I know that I deserve a man, not a boy.