Step inside my chaotic mess of a brain and listen to my reasoning for who would win the 2019 college football bowl games if they were decided by the ferociousness of their mascots in a real-life, rough and tough rumble. Listen, I actually follow college football very closely and if I was picking the winners of these games with my actual knowledge of the teams and their seasons, then these predictions would probably be very different. However, that's not at all as fun as this joke of an article, so read on for some real random thoughts and not-so-random puns.
Bahamas Bowl- Charlotte vs. Buffalo

https://pixabay.com/photos/bull-cattle-livestock-nature-1575003/
The Matchup: 49ers vs. Bulls
Winner: Buffalo
Drop some miners in the streets of Paplona and see how they handle it.
Frisco Bowl- Utah State vs. Kent State

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HB_2DXVA49I
The Matchup: Aggies vs. Golden Flashes
Winner: Kent State
I firmly refuse to ever have any aggies win a matchup until someone explains what exactly that they are.
New Mexico Bowl- Central Michigan vs. San Diego State

https://twitter.com/CMU_Football/status/1203389441408192513/photo/2
The Matchup: Chippewas vs. Aztecs
Winner: Central Michigan
The battle of two different groups of indigenous people is a matchup that shouldn't be happening in the first place, so I'm just picking one at random and moving on (Dear colleges, it would be nice if you could stop making mascots out of Native American culture especially if they have asked you before).
Cure Bowl- Georgia Southern vs. Liberty

https://pixabay.com/photos/bald-eagles-bald-eagle-bird-of-prey-341898/
The Matchup: Eagles vs. Flames/Eagles
Winner: Georgia Southern
Liberty is confusing me too much with their two very different mascots, so I ain't giving them the win.
Boca Raton Bowl- Florida Atlantic vs. SMU

https://pixabay.com/photos/animal-horses-freedom-mustang-2691865/
The Matchup: Owls vs. Mustangs
Winner: SMU
Although Tyler Cameron played at FAU and that's a win in my book, an owl doesn't stand a fighting chance against a powerful mustang.
Camellia Bowl- FIU vs. Arkansas State

https://twitter.com/Region8News/status/532175200184705025/photo/1
The Matchup: Panthers vs. Red Wolves
Winner: Arkansas State
Alexa, play "Hungry Like The Wolf" by Duran Duran.
Las Vegas Bowl- Boise State vs. Washington

https://pixabay.com/photos/dog-husky-friend-2332240/
The Matchup: Broncos vs. Huskies
Winner: Washington
OMG, look how precious that little, cute baby is... I mean look at that killing machine. It could eat My Little Ponies for breakfast. *shrug emoji* Who am I kidding? Look at that little, cu-
New Orleans Bowl- UAB vs. Appalachian State

https://pixabay.com/illustrations/dragon-mythical-creatures-monster-1085225/
The Matchup: Dragons vs. Mountaineers
Winner: UAB
Don't mind the very dorky cartoon, that dragon could burn a mountaineer to a crisp faster than he could yodel for help.
Gasparilla Bowl- Central Florida vs. Marshall

https://pixabay.com/photos/bison-buffalo-group-herd-snow-2237654/
The Matchup: Knights vs. Thundering Herd/Bison
Winner: Marshall
POV: You are walking through a meadow of freshly fallen snow when all of a sudden a stampeding herd of bison come charging at you. You pee yourself a little...
Hawaii Bowl- BYU vs. Hawaii

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=55h3alsZqrI
The Matchup: Cougars vs. Rainbow Warriors
Winner: Hawaii
There's badass and then there's having your mascot be a rainbow warrior badass (Although I do not know how Native Hawaiians feel about this mascot, so take this with a grain of salt).
Independence Bowl- Miami (FL) vs. Louisiana Tech

https://pixabay.com/photos/key-west-florida-hurricane-dennis-81664/
The Matchup: Hurricanes vs. Bulldogs
Winner: Miami (FL)
Debilitating storm that wipes away any and everything in it's path vs. a cute, little doggo known for being a lazy boy who likes to chillax all day. Yeah, I bet the hurricanes are quaking in their boots.
Quick Lane Bowl- Pittsburgh vs. Eastern Michigan

https://pixabay.com/photos/black-panther-jaguar-feline-3466399/
The Matchup: Panthers vs. Eagles
Winner: Pittsburgh
People in Pittsburgh already have to deal with sharing their state with the NFL team the Philadelphia Eagles. I think they've had enough of eagles.
Military Bowl- North Carolina vs. Temple

https://pixabay.com/photos/sheep-bighorn-badlands-rams-ram-4575809/
The Matchup: Tar Heels/Rams vs. Owls
Winner: North Carolina
Look at those majestic, curly bois by his ears. What a little stud. Not to mention he could ram your head in. Hence the name.
Pinstripe Bowl- Michigan State vs. Wake Forest

https://pixabay.com/photos/spartan-army-sun-dusk-roman-3696073/
The Matchup: Spartans vs. Demon Deacons
Winner: Michigan State
Another Tyler Cameron school, another weak mascot.
Texas Bowl- Texas A&M vs. Oklahoma State

https://pixabay.com/photos/cowboy-horse-riding-water-ocean-757575/
The Matchup: Aggies vs. Cowboys
Winner: Oklahoma State
Cowboy, take me away from this mascot because I still don't know what the heck it is.
Holiday Bowl- USC vs. Iowa

https://twitter.com/latimes/status/898743848616083456/photo/1
The Matchup: Trojans vs. Hawkeyes
Winner: USC
The Trojans may have been taken down by that pesky horse, but Hawkeyes don't stand a chance.
Cheez-It Bowl- Washington State vs. Air Force

https://pixabay.com/photos/cougar-feline-animal-zoo-close-up-166712/
The Matchup: Cougars vs. Falcons
Winner: Washington State
Flight is a great ability to have to secure a win, but I still think cougars get the dub.
Camping World Bowl- Notre Dame vs. Iowa State

https://pixabay.com/photos/cyclone-forward-hurricane-storm-2100663/
The Matchup: The Fighting Irish vs. Cyclones
Winner: Iowa State
As unstoppable as a pack of rowdy Irish people might be, you can just ask Dorothy what happens when you cross a tornado.
First Responder Bowl- Western Michigan vs. Western Kentucky

https://pixabay.com/photos/palomino-horse-mare-stallion-mane-287683/
The Matchup: Broncos vs. Hilltoppers
Winner: Western Michigan
You know what they say- Wild horses can't be tamed... or beaten.
Music City Bowl- Louisville vs. Mississippi State

https://pixabay.com/photos/english-bulldog-dog-mammal-cute-3034226/
The Matchup: Cardinals vs. Bulldogs
Winner: Mississippi State
Plot twist: this whole time we thought that the Louisville mascot was a bird, but it's actually a position in the Catholic church. Even with God on their side, I'm still giving it to my motherfricking dawgs.
Belk Bowl- Virginia Tech vs. Kentucky

https://pixabay.com/photos/lynx-big-cat-wild-animal-wildcat-3334869/
The Matchup: Hokies vs. Wildcats
Winner: Kentucky
It would be very hokey if the wildcats weren't victorious.
Sun Bowl- Arizona State vs. Florida State

https://twitter.com/ASUFootball/status/1195450399190220800/photo/1
The Matchup: Sun Devils vs. Seminoles
Winner: Arizona State
Even if I tried to play the devil's advocate (ba dum tss), it would be hard to find reason for how Florida State could succeed in this matchup.
Liberty Bowl- Kansas State vs. Navy

https://pixabay.com/photos/animal-world-lynx-hunter-predator-4397295/
The Matchup: Wildcats vs. Midshipmen
Winner: Kansas State
Midshipmen are the lowest ranking officer in the Navy so this choice was pretty smooth sailing.
Arizona Bowl- Wyoming vs. Georgia State

https://pixabay.com/photos/leopard-black-panther-zoo-feline-1147989/
The Matchup: Cowboys vs. Panthers
Winner: Georgia State
Cue the Pink Panther theme song... I don't know I'm running out of comments for all these panther ones.
Alamo Bowl- Utah vs. Texas

https://pixabay.com/photos/mascot-sports-texas-longhorn-1416220/
The Matchup: Utes vs. Longhorns
Winner: Texas
What's a Ute? I'm not ready for these existential questions yet, so I'm choosing the glorified cow.
Citrus Bowl- Michigan vs. Alabama

https://pixabay.com/photos/elephant-africa-african-elephant-111695/
The Matchup: Wolverines vs. The Crimson Tide/Elephants
Winner: Alabama
No one's beating my favorite animal. Ever.
Outback Bowl- Auburn vs. Minnesota

https://pixabay.com/photos/tiger-big-cat-big-cats-animal-world-2535888/
The Matchup: Tigers vs. Gophers
Winner: Auburn
This one seems a little unfair.
Birmingham Bowl- Cincinnati vs. Boston College

https://pixabay.com/photos/binturong-carnivore-animal-534078/
The Matchup: Bearcats vs. Eagles
Winner: Cincinnati
If I see one more eagle mascot I'm going to lose my mind. On a side note, whoever is responsible for naming the bearcat was astonishingly lazy.
Gator Bowl- Tennessee vs. Indiana

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yh1Oc31l9_c
The Matchup: Volunteers vs. Hoosiers
Winner: Indiana
In the battle of two mascots that I swear both aren't real, it's hard to decide. However, due to the Hoosiers having a whole movie made about them (even if of a different sport), they have a slight edge.
Famous Idaho Potato Bowl- Nevada vs. Ohio

https://pixabay.com/photos/wolves-wolf-pack-canis-lupus-221304/
The Matchup: Wolfpack vs. Bobcats
Winner: Nevada
I don't care who the heck Bob is or how cool of a cat he has, that feline is no match for a whole pack of wolves. Disclaimer: I fully know that a bobcat is a real animal; do not come at me.
Armed Forces Bowl- Tulane vs. Southern Miss

https://pixabay.com/photos/golden-eagle-eagle-golden-nature-1679166/
The Matchup: Green Waves vs. Golden Eagles
Winner: Southern Miss
What is this, Sesame Street? What's with all the colors? Regardless, an eagle could just fly above a wave coming at them. Boom-problem solved.
LendingTree Bowl- Louisiana vs. Miami (OH)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmOp9jTvBM4
The Matchup: Ragin' Cajuns vs. Redhawks
Winner: Louisiana
I'm still standing by my word from before that anything with Ragin' in the name is not to be trifled with.
Cotton Bowl Classic- Memphis vs. Penn State

https://pixabay.com/photos/lion-predator-dangerous-mane-3576045/
The Matchup: Tigers vs. Nittany Lions
Winner: Penn State
In the ultimate matchup of two of nature's fiercest predators, it's sort of hard to pick a clear cut winner. I'm solely giving Penn State the victory due to the fact that The Lion King sountrack is absolutely fire.
Fiesta Bowl- Clemson vs. Ohio State

https://pixabay.com/photos/tiger-cat-big-cat-animal-predator-3264048/
The Matchup: Tigers vs. Buckeyes
Winner: Clemson
I felt bad for not giving the Tigers of Memphis the win, so I'll give the Tigers of Clemson one. P.S. A buckeye still is an inanimate object, and I was never going to give them the win in the first place lol.
Peach Bowl- Oklahoma vs. LSU

https://pixabay.com/photos/tiger-predator-animal-tooth-roar-500118/
The Matchup: Sooners vs. Tigers
Winner: LSU
*DJ Khaled voice* Anotha One
Orange Bowl- Florida vs. Virginia

https://pixabay.com/photos/alligator-animal-close-up-crocodile-1851313/
The Matchup: Gators vs. Cavaliers
Winner: Florida
In the book/movie "Hoot", alligators are found in the toilets of porta-potties. That scarred me for life. Therefore, alligators are a no brainer. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.
Rose Bowl- Oregon vs. Wisconsin

https://pixabay.com/photos/badger-animal-forest-mammal-44202/
The Matchup: Ducks vs. Badgers
Winner: Wisconsin
Ducks are angels. Geese are absolute demons. Unless Oregon changes their mascot to those atrocious pecking machines, the badgers will continue to put the W in Wisconsin.
Sugar Bowl- Baylor vs. Georgia

https://pixabay.com/photos/bear-brown-bear-animal-mammal-422682/
The Matchup: Bears vs. Bulldogs
Winner: Baylor
It's like a generator randomly selected two animals that started with the same letter and slapped them in a bowl together. Yeah, these two definitely aren't evenly matched though, even if they do start with the same letter.



















