How To Not Be Bound In Bitterness

How To Not Be Bound In Bitterness

The most difficult part is being able to let go.
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I’m encouraging you not to sink.

My mom always tells me to let whatever frustrates me roll off my back. “Be like a duck,” is the common phrase. However, for me, that was never easy. It was so easy to get worked up over the smallest misfortune, despite how much I tried to sooth myself into believing it wasn’t that big of a deal. Somehow, trying to let the slightest thing go felt like deleting that one picture that’s been on your phone for year, but you can’t part with. Yet, I didn’t just cling to the positive memories, but the bad ones as well. I was so easily manipulated into believing that the slightest change would affect me negatively and only negatively only. I claimed my reasoning was because I was a realist, which is still true, but this mindset took advantage of what I enjoyed.

It was always the little things. All of the little conflicts, problems, and self-doubt that kept building and building. So yes, little things do matter since sometimes they result in unwanted outbursts. Not only that, but they take away from the little (or big) bits of happiness you encounter. The bitterness that grows defeats the pleasantness eventually.

Giving in to what creates false images can severely damage a person both mentally and emotionally. Something that may seem small to one person, could have a much larger impact on another. These differences are usually the core of struggles related to bitterness. Misunderstandings, miscommunications, and different personalities all have their share. It’s so easy to fall into believing the comments and actions that make us feel inferior. Self-image seems to be one of the largest, and most influential subjects. There’s always that one person who said something that hurt us, and we hang onto it. There’s that one person you used to be so close with, but they let you down, so you hold it against them. There’s that one time that someone rubbed you the wrong way, and you let it get the best of you. It’s not a simple concept to recognize the differences at first, but I want to remind you that you do have control of how you handle the bitterness you encounter.

We like to claim that all of these different scenarios we face ruin us, yet we push the blame on others and never consider our role. Our refusal to accept that we too may have a part only ends up hurting us. The most difficult part is being able to let go.

“The more anger you hold in your heart towards the part, the less capable you are of loving the present.” -Shakira

As simple as these instructions may seem, it’s often the path not taken. Many times we confuse forgiveness with pride. We assume that if we do forgive and forget, it shows weakness towards the enemy that we’re holding our grudge against. Who wants to admit they’re wrong to the person they want to prove wrong? It’s a natural human characteristic I must admit, but it doesn’t and never will make life easier. Letting go of the grudges from years ago, the pain it caused you, and the moments that made your blood boil is one of the most rewarding feelings. When the topic is brought up, the satisfaction of being about to say, “Yeah, we grew into different people, and that’s okay” makes each breath a little bit lighter. There’s clarity in admitting the differences and the wrongs of the past. Allowing bitterness to tie you down and tell you how to feel or react is never beneficial.

“Stop remembering what God has forgotten.” -Psalm 103:12

So what good does holding onto the past and letting emotions that don’t reflect us represent us? Where is the benefit in feeling angry or hurt because of an event in the past? Sure, life tosses us struggles we don’t always know how to overcome at the time, but we have a choice. We can let the unimportant, irrelevant past consume us, or we can choose to let go and focus on the good; there’s always some good.
Cover Image Credit: A.R.K. Images

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I Went To "The Bachelor" Auditions

And here's why you won’t be seeing me on TV.
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It’s finally time to admit my guilty pleasure: I have always been a huge fan of The Bachelor.

I can readily admit that I’ve been a part of Bachelor fantasy leagues, watch parties, solo watching — you name it, I’ve gone the whole nine yards. While I will admit that the show can be incredibly trashy at times, something about it makes me want to watch it that much more. So when I found out that The Bachelor was holding auditions in Houston, I had to investigate.

While I never had the intention of actually auditioning, there was no way I would miss an opportunity to spend some time people watching and check out the filming location of one of my favorite TV shows.

The casting location of The Bachelor, The Downtown Aquarium in Houston, was less than two blocks away from my office. I assumed that I would easily be able to spot the audition line, secretly hoping that the endless line of people would beg the question: what fish could draw THAT big of a crowd?

As I trekked around the tanks full of aquatic creatures in my bright pink dress and heels (feeling somewhat silly for being in such nice clothes in an aquarium and being really proud of myself for somewhat looking the part), I realized that these auditions would be a lot harder to find than I thought.

Finally, I followed the scent of hairspray leading me up the elevator to the third floor of the aquarium.

The doors slid open. I found myself at the end of a large line of 20-something-year-old men and women and I could feel all eyes on me, their next competitor. I watched as one woman pulled out her travel sized hair curler, someone practiced answering interview questions with a companion, and a man (who was definitely a little too old to be the next bachelor) trying out his own pick-up lines on some of the women standing next to him.

I walked to the end of the line (trying to maintain my nonchalant attitude — I don’t want to find love on a TV show). As I looked around, I realized that one woman had not taken her eyes off of me. She batted her fake eyelashes and looked at her friend, mumbling something about the *grumble mumble* “girl in the pink dress.”

I felt a wave of insecurity as I looked down at my body, immediately beginning to recognize the minor flaws in my appearance.

The string hanging off my dress, the bruise on my ankle, the smudge of mascara I was sure I had on the left corner of my eye. I could feel myself begin to sweat. These women were all so gorgeous. Everyone’s hair was perfectly in place, their eyeliner was done flawlessly, and most of them looked like they had just walked off the runway. Obviously, I stuck out like a sore thumb.

I walked over to the couches and sat down. For someone who for the most part spent most of the two hours each Monday night mocking the cast, I was shocked by how much pressure and tension I felt in the room.

A cop, stationed outside the audition room, looked over at me. After a brief explanation that I was just there to watch, he smiled and offered me a tour around the audition space. I watched the lines of beautiful people walk in and out of the space, realizing that each and every one of these contestants to-be was fixated on their own flaws rather than actually worrying about “love.”

Being with all these people, I can see why it’s so easy to get sucked into the fantasy. Reality TV sells because it’s different than real life. And really, what girl wouldn’t like a rose?

Why was I so intimidated by these people? Reality TV is actually the biggest oxymoron. In real life, one person doesn’t get to call all the shots. Every night isn’t going to be in a helicopter looking over the south of France. A real relationship depends on more than the first impression.

The best part of being in a relationship is the reality. The best part about yourself isn’t your high heels. It’s not the perfect dress or the great pick-up lines. It’s being with the person that you can be real with. While I will always be a fan of The Bachelor franchise, this was a nice dose of reality. I think I’ll stick to my cheap sushi dates and getting caught in the rain.

But for anyone who wants to be on The Bachelor, let me just tell you: Your mom was right. There really are a lot of fish in the sea. Or at least at the aquarium.

Cover Image Credit: The Cut

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The 5 Types of Retail Customers

A run-down on the many forms of customers you either encounter as a retail employee or are guilty of being.

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We all get summer jobs or seasonal jobs at some place to get that extra cash when we find ourselves broke after spending $300+ on Ubers/Lyfts in under a month (possibly speaking from personal experience). This in turn led me to broaden my job searching horizons and led me to work at a fast food chain that goes by the name of 'Salsaritas' (ironic since my nickname is Salsa, also was not intentional) and currently a retail store at a local mall. So, I guess it's safe to say that I have come across a lot of different people with a whole lot of personality. Working in these types of industries, it can sometimes be really hard and pretty interesting. So voila, here we go:

1. The Always Angry Customer

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This is the customer that is constantly angry. They walk in pissed off and they want everyone else to know that they are pissed off. This type of customer also uses at least one of these following sentences: "Let me talk to your manager. Who's your manager?" or the "How long have you been working here for?" Honestly, there's not much you can do to help them other than try to just do what they ask for and get them the hell out of there as quickly as possible.

2. The Messy Customer

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Easily one of the most annoying types of customers (sorry). This person will walk and run their hands through an entire counter or rack full of perfectly folded clothes, unfold them, and then just leave them on the counter or on the floor. They also have the "it's fine, it's their job to fold them" mentality. Honestly though, how hard is it to put a jacket or shirt back on a hanger? And if you're this type of customer please, please, please, put what you found back where it came from. Sincerely, every retail employee ever.

3. The Super Nice Customer

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This customer is god-send and thank god that they exist. They are the ones who you can just tell are genuinely good people. New at work and don't know how the hell to ring up a customer at a register? No worries, they'll wait there patiently, smile at you, and occasionally tell you that "you're doing great sweetie." They treat you like you're not just a retail employee and at the end of the day, you just wanna give them a hug for making your day feel less shitty.

4. The Talkative Customer

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There's two parts to this one. This type of customer is either talking on the phone while you're ringing them up at the register or is just trying to get to know literally everything there is to know about you. If they're on the phone, it's impossible to know if they're responding to you or to the person who they're on the phone with. The worst part is when they hold up one finger to signal to you that they'll be just a minute and leave you to just awkwardly stand in front of them while trying not to listen to their entire conversation. The other part is when they just want to get to know you which is cute and all until they're just trying to analyze your entire background, where you're from, what you're studying, etc. Luckily if you're like me who wasn't born in the U.S. with a very ethnic name, you just scored yourself a talkative customer. Well done and good luck getting out of the conversation!

5. The Last Minute Customer

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Imagine that you just did an 8 hour shift and right when you're about to clock out and head out to go home, you see a customer walking in literally a minute or two before the whole mall is about to close. They'll probably ask you if you're about to close even though they can see that there's not a single person inside there other than you. They'll also probably tell you that they know exactly what they're looking for. It's never true and get ready for that OT. But hey, on the bright-side, you'll get a fat pay-check.


So, the next time you find yourself at a mall...Remind yourself to pick up something you might've accidentally dropped, keep in mind that workers are human beings too, and kindness goes a long way because at the end of the day, that employee could be one of your loved ones.

Until next time,

Salsa.


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