God Gave Me This Body And It Is Time I Start Loving It

God Gave Me This Body And It Is Time I Start Loving It

I am not thin; I have a belly and acne, but that does not mean that I shouldn't love myself.

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I am the girl who hates her body.

Every morning, I wake up, get ready for my day and afterwards, I stare into the bathroom mirror. Throughout my day, I stare at myself either through a mirror or my camera. Now, this would normally be a good thing except when I look at myself, I don't see anything worth liking. I take one look at myself and I tear myself apart to the point where I start to think that I don't have any good qualities about me.

All I see is a face with acne, a face that could definitely use a makeover, a face that needs a filter every time a selfie is taken. When I get dressed, I can't look at myself in the mirror because I'll doubt that I look decent. In my mind, everything makes me look fat. I can't go shopping at my favorite stores anymore because nothing ever seems to fit and trying on clothes only ruins my self-esteem.

I feel like I can't wear cute shirts like crop tops because I have a stomach that makes me look like I'm pregnant and I can't wear cute shorts because I feel like my thighs are too flabby. It is hard for me to wear tank tops or any shirt without sleeves because I feel like I am oddly proportioned.

A summer body? I have no idea what that is but I know that I definitely don't have one. I can't try on bikinis without thinking that I shouldn't even be wearing one. One-piece suits barely look right on me because the tightness of the suit makes my stomach stick out.

My schedule between being a full-time student and having two part-time jobs makes it hard to have a dedicated gym schedule, but I go when I can. However, since I can't go all the time, it is hard for me to lose weight. I try to diet every once in a while but it never really works out considering I don't exercise enough.

Now, let me clarify something. If I am being completely honest with you guys, I am 5 feet and 5 inches tall with a weight of approximately 160 pounds. I realize that I may not considered "fat" or "obese" but I look at myself and think that I could be skinnier. I look at all the acne treatment products I have and wonder why nothing works. I look at all the girls on social media and wonder why I don't look like that. The answer is so simple and obvious: I'm not those girls. I am who God made me and if he thinks I am perfect, then why shouldn't I think that too?

I don't need to be a "skinny", blonde, beach babe - or any type of babe. Even if my face is breaking out, I should still love who I am. Acne shouldn't define me. Having a little stomach bump shouldn't define me. I should be confident in anything I decide to wear, so I told myself I was going to change a little bit at a time.

When I look at my reflection in the mirror, I'm going to tell myself something positive. Whether that be a statement like "you look great today" or "be confident", I am going to try to not look at all the qualities that I don't like but rather embrace the ones that I do. I am going to work on being more confident because I believe that confidence is what makes you truly beautiful. The girls – big or small – who wear crop tops look great because they are confident with who they are! They believe they are beautiful so it doesn't matter what other people think. This is ultimately what I need to work on.

I was made who I was meant to be. I don't need to be "perfect", I just need to be my version of perfect. It shouldn't matter what other people think of me, if they are going to judge, then that is their own problem, not mine. My only task is to focus on being a better me and love myself for who I am. I shouldn't try to change, I should accept how I was made because the people who love me the most will always think I'm perfect and that is all I need. God, and my parents, gave me this body. It is time I start giving it the love and appreciation it deserves.

I am the girl who will try to no longer hate her body.

Cover Image Credit:

Samantha Hansen

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Everything You Will Miss If You Commit Suicide

The world needs you.
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You won’t see the sunrise or have your favorite breakfast in the morning.

Instead, your family will mourn the sunrise because it means another day without you.

You will never stay up late talking to your friends or have a bonfire on a summer night.

You won’t laugh until you cry again, or dance around and be silly.

You won’t go on another adventure. You won't drive around under the moonlight and stars.

They’ll miss you. They’ll cry.

You won’t fight with your siblings only to make up minutes later and laugh about it.

You won’t get to interrogate your sister's fiancé when the time comes.

You won’t be there to wipe away your mother’s tears when she finds out that you’re gone.

You won’t be able to hug the ones that love you while they’re waiting to wake up from the nightmare that had become their reality.

You won’t be at your grandparents funeral, speaking about the good things they did in their life.

Instead, they will be at yours.

You won’t find your purpose in life, the love of your life, get married or raise a family.

You won’t celebrate another Christmas, Easter or birthday.

You won’t turn another year older.

You will never see the places you’ve always dreamed of seeing.

You will not allow yourself the opportunity to get help.

This will be the last sunset you see.

You’ll never see the sky change from a bright blue to purples, pinks, oranges and yellows meshing together over the landscape again.

If the light has left your eyes and all you see is the darkness, know that it can get better. Let yourself get better.

This is what you will miss if you leave the world today.

This is who will care about you when you are gone.

You can change lives. But I hope it’s not at the expense of yours.

We care. People care.

Don’t let today be the end.

You don’t have to live forever sad. You can be happy. It’s not wrong to ask for help.

Thank you for staying. Thank you for fighting.

Suicide is a real problem that no one wants to talk about. I’m sure you’re no different. But we need to talk about it. There is no difference between being suicidal and committing suicide. If someone tells you they want to kill themselves, do not think they won’t do it. Do not just tell them, “Oh you’ll be fine.” Because when they aren’t, you will wonder what you could have done to help. Sit with them however long you need to and tell them it will get better. Talk to them about their problems and tell them there is help. Be the help. Get them assistance. Remind them of all the things they will miss in life.

For help, call 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

Cover Image Credit: Brittani Norman

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I Opened Up To One Of My Best Friends About My Depression, And I'm So Glad I Did

Despite what my depression may tell me, I am loved.

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Around this time two years ago, I was diagnosed with ADHD, depression, and general anxiety disorder (GAD). ADHD and GAD I have come to understand over time. I have learned how they impact me short term and long term. Depression, however, is a different story. Until a couple days ago, I didn't realize how bad my depression actually was. My dear friend Kaitlin was understandably frustrated with me since she didn't fully know that it was depression affecting my mood.

I, of course, felt extremely awful about this and decided to send her a list of how depression is displayed in me both externally and internally. I did this for ADHD and GAD too, but depression was by far the hardest. I'm not going to share the list with you yet as I'm simply not ready for that, but I will tell you what it made me realize.

Opening up about my depression was the best choice I ever made. It required me to be deep, deeper and more vulnerable than I ever have before, and it required me to be 100% honest. And let me tell you, I held back nothing. I'm sure that some of the things I had in there shocked her since you'd never guess it was a lie. Sending Kaitlin this list helped me to get to know my depression and how it impacts me. Also, it made me realize that despite what my depression may tell me, I am loved. Kaitlin taking the time to read this list and start to grasp an understanding of me, it showed me how her feelings toward me are caring, loving, and genuine.

If you have depression, I encourage you to sit down in a quiet place and write down each and every way it affects you. Even if you don't show it to someone immediately, you yourself can reflect on the list. That being said, I once again encourage you to find someone you trust, a lovely confidant and let them read the list. Then you can at least have an accountability buddy in a sense or someone that can help you battle this brutal mental illness.

Shoutout to Kaitlin for being so loving and caring. You're absolutely wonderful.

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