You’ve probably had a couple of doubts about your body, compared yourself to other women your age, or even wished for thinner legs or bigger breasts. Now try doing this every single day, as you compare your virtually half naked, swimsuit-clad body to that of your teammate’s in the lane next to you. Try working out for hours on end in the gym to excel in your sport, only to go shopping the next day and realize that you cannot find a single dress that fits your broad shoulders or a pair of jeans that fit your huge quads.

If you look at any fitness, health, or fashion magazine, women are supposed to look only one way — think six feet tall and 110 pounds, not overly muscular, but always lean and fit. While the women in these magazines are undeniably flawless, they set an unrealistic standard for an athlete’s physique and make it extremely confusing for female athletes to determine what is best for their bodies in terms of performance.

Indeed, female college athletes are an incredibly special population of college women, with extremely specific nutritional needs. Some of us are still teetering on the edge of womanhood and can get away with a high-calorie diet of pizza, pasta, and Chick-Fil-A sandwiches. But others sadly mourn the days of eating whatever we wanted without worrying about weight, despite swimming miles and miles a week in the pool. On top of this, we lift heavy — like, really heavy. And sometimes this changes our body in ways that we never expected. We’re striving for some unattainable feminine ideal and praying that it doesn’t impact our performance. And through all of this, our athletic bodies are analyzed and over-analyzed by athletic staff, including everything from body fat percentages, to percentage of lean muscle mass.

Female college athletes clearly have a very complicated relationship with our bodies. We push them to the brink of destruction in a sport that rewards sleek and strong. But at the same time, we go through normal, natural life processes such as puberty, erratic eating schedules in college, and even just those midnight chocolate cravings as we study for an exam, all of which complicate our body image and self love. In this brutal and unforgiving world of blood, sweat and tears known as Division I college athletics, we often get so swept up in the tide of body image anxiety, and treat our bodies with such harshness and self-scrutiny, that we lose sight of what really matters.

Some of us look in the mirror and see a few extra pounds, never having lived without dedicated personal chefs (mom and dad) to cater to our complex nutritional needs. We’ve had that awkward conversation with our coach and now we obsessively count our calories every meal. Others look and see hollow cheeks and protruding collar bones. We hear the warnings of eating disorders preached to us, but whether it is our own insecurities, or our relentless pursuit of control, we hardly listen. Despite how comfortable we seem in our own bodies, it is clear that, in a sport where leanness and low body fat benefits performance, there is a always a high risk for disordered eating.

And then there is everyone in between: We look in the mirror and only see flaws. Neither underweight nor overweight, but never really happy with our body, our weight or our fat percentages. We are perfectionists, goal-driven, committed and we will continue to strive to lose those extra five pounds until we do. And then there will be another five to lose. We can’t stop comparing ourselves to the athlete next to us, even if it brings a dark cloud of insecurity, anxiety poor self-esteem over our heads.

The reality is that our athletic bodies are incredible. Our bodies are strong, powerful, beautiful and we would not be able to succeed in sport without them. We have to love them and appreciate them, because we all look exactly the way we are supposed to.