I came from a nice sized family. We would get together every summer for family reunions at beaches, parks or churches. We would always have the best time. I remember as a little girl how excited it would be to unite with my cousins who lived hours away from me and we would play together as if we had seen each other every day. Nobody had changed. I was so proud of my family.

I think I was in the seventh grade when I realized that people can most definitely change in a year span. I had stayed with family for an entire summer. I was so excited. I loved being around them because we were always having fun together. Always. I especially couldn't wait to hang out with cousins my age. It had been a while since we had gotten together. But it was definitely different. The dynamics were way off. I'm talking about them being on planet Earth and treating me like I was on planet Mars. No lie, I felt like a foreign exchange student who didn't speak English so I just laughed at their inside jokes while pretending to understand them.

I honestly don't know what happened between us. I could do no right. Back then, I was super insecure so I did everything I could to fit in. I changed the way I talked. I hid my faith in God. I made myself like things that thirteen-year-old girls have no business liking but nothing worked. They made fun of EVERYTHING about me. I specifically remember playing this app called White Tiles. I don't think it's popular as it what back then. I'm talking about 2014. Anyway, I was so good at this game that my high school was 4,906 (yes, I still remember. Don't judge me). I was proud of that that I screenshotted it. I thought if I showed my cousins that then for sure they would see I'm cool. Boy, was I wrong? They practically dragged me for not "having a life". I mean, I don't know what life would a thirteen-year-old have but okay.

Even now that it's been five years since then, it's still the same. But now, I'm a goober because I don't smoke or drink. Whenever we have family gatherings, I know that I need to be mentally strong to be alone because they're not going to include me in their circle. The only time I do talk to one of them is if one is not there yet or decides not to come. So I become the backup plan It made me feel like everything I did was dorky or stupid.

I would give myself pep talks about how I was going to confront them about it. But it never worked. I would try to make conversations but I still felt like an idiot because I might as well be talking to a wall.

I didn't write this to be the victim or to make them look like the bad guy ( but if the shoe fits...wear it). But I'm saying this because I know there is someone just like me who have been excluded from "family". I'm writing this to let you know that "blood" does not mean that family will magically be there for you. We all have janky family members. I had a cousin who completely betrayed me in high school over new "friends" by telling my personal business. It happens.

Some of the best people in my life are not family. I have best friends who feel like sisters, brothers, cousins, aunties- you name it. It's okay to let these people go and move on with your life. They certainly have. You will have other family members that will make you feel terrible for moving on but let people say what they want. I learned that you will have to advocate for yourself and tell people how it is.

I'm still going to be my God-loving, happy, sparkly, magical, dorky-self while loving these "family members" from a distance. God has been so good to me where He has replaced these people with people who I feel loved and safe around.

At the end of the day, you do have to treat people right but how can you do that when you're not even treating yourself right? How can you be happy when you're allowing "family" to take it. How can you be you, when you have to hide yourself? Stop the madness and move on love. Life is way too short to sit around and think about people who wouldn't give you the time of day.

LIVE LIFE!