It's been a little over five years now... Five years from the last time we actually spoke on the phone or in person or through text/social media. There have been multiple attempts since then that have not garnered a response. I don't know what I did, or what our family did for you to just stop talking to us. To say that it doesn't affect me at all, would be a lie. I'm constantly wishing and wanting to talk to you.. to have you in my life.

Three years ago the flood happened and I almost died. Mom messaged you to make sure you were okay and to tell you what happened to me. Your response? More silence. That... that really messed me up even more. I thought that maybe, just maybe, you would have reached out to me and make sure I was okay. I am your little sister after all and you always protected me and made sure I was okay when we were younger. But no call, no text, nothing ever came. It furthered my thoughts and belief that I didn't matter to you, probably never mattered, and then that led to thoughts that I didn't matter to anyone.

Did you know that it was me at your jewelry booth two years ago purchasing some items? I came to a booth at the market and was in awe. I picked out some things I wanted to buy and spoke to the girl who was overseeing everything. I asked her if she created the jewelry because my sister used to make things exactly like the certain pieces that were displayed and I thought this was amazing. She said no, but that the person who did make them was there and she pointed to you across the sidewalk.

When I was ready to be rung up, you took my card and swiped it, I signed my name, said thank you and left. I walked a block or two and sat down in a secluded alley and started crying. I called mom, telling her what happened and asked her why. We just essentially had an interaction as strangers and it wasn't even friendly or unfriendly, it just was. Mom asked why I didn't say something. Why didn't I confront you? I just told her that I was in shock and figured you may say something. When you didn't, I left. Why try to start something in a busy place where you were trying to do business? That's not good. Plus, you looked to be doing well.

I had talked to one of my best friends about the situation and she explained that maybe it is healthier for you to be apart from us, than staying connected with us. For whatever reason, that may be. I tried to get behind this thought and have maintained that for the last two to three years now.

If you are better away from us, then that's how it has to be. I don't like it, but I don't like causing issues either. But now? I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm hurt. I'm all these things and no way to tell you because I'm pretty sure you'd not even listen.

I'm angry that you just decided to stop talking to us without so much as a reason. I'm angry at the slanderous things you say about our family, especially our mother. I'm angry that you caused and keep causing mom to cry and doubt herself when she really doesn't need that. She got to choose you when she was told she could not have a child. Everyone makes mistakes and I don't know everything, but I do know that she loves you. I'm angry that you chose to cut us all out. I'm angry that you left me. You left me alone to take care of them. Not that I mind taking care of our parents. I love them, I do. But part of having a family, having siblings, is having each other to lean on when our parents get older and start having health issues. They help support each other and are there for each other because once they're gone, we just have one another and our own families that we create.

I'm sad that you stopped talking to us. I'm sad that I don't get to talk with you or debate on topics or issues. I'm sad I don't get to learn more from and about you. I'm sad I don't get to see you on the holidays and we rag on mom's burnt cornbread and play with the Chihuahuas, watching movies and going Christmas shopping together. I'm sad that I don't get to see you and support you on your new endeavors, whether it be Roller derby or crafts. I'm sad that I don't or didn't get to witness your marriage. I'm sad because I don't get to have any new memories with you and try to make our bond better.

I'm hurt because you didn't just stop talking to our parents, but you stopped talking to me. I'm hurt that you're so distant with mom. I'm hurt that you couldn't give any of us a reason as to why you were ignoring us. I'm hurt that after all the calls, texts, emails, and letters from us - you still have not responded. I'm hurt that you would say hurtful things that are lies to others and maybe even yourself. I'm hurt that you didn't talk with us or at least me, to explain your issues so that we could fix it or try to improve upon things. I'm hurt that you didn't reach out to me after I almost died in the flood. But what I think I'm hurt the most about, is that you weren't there and haven't been there when I really needed my sister for the last few years, even now.

I don't know if there is a way to heal this wound. I don't know if we can repair things. I know that in order to do that, there would have to be a confrontation at some point. For us all to be able to let all our thoughts and feelings out. To be able to move past things and hopefully find a balance. I want that, you know. I want my sister in my life. I want the incredibly smart, fiery, no holds, in your face, pushing limits and opening minds to more than one thought process, kickass sister back.