Hi, my name is James Knapp and I am a compulsive gambler. I have a problem with gambling, I am not ashamed to admit it and I am having trouble quitting. It all started when I turned 18. When I graduated from high school I began going to the Indian casinos in the summertime. My cousin and my friend next door introduced me to gambling. The game for me was blackjack. I am a person with a one track mind. I never have touched a slot machine or pai gow or baccarat. Blackjack is all I thought about, researched and practiced counting cards. Counting cards is not illegal; it is frowned upon. The first time I went to a casino, all I had was $40. It was fun. Blackjack was my game of choice. The table minimum was $5 and I put out one $20 bill and lost it then played my other one. I ended up cashing out $216 at the end of the night and it was fun. I didn't go for a while after that.
When I went away to college, gambling left my mind. I wasn't familiar with any casinos in the midwest and I didn't want to get involved. I never online gambled, never played poker with any friends but I knew this was becoming a problem. Money started becoming the biggest goal in life. I wanted everything in the palm of my hands and I wanted to win all the time, whether it was a side bet in a bowling league or tournament or pot games. After my freshman year of college, I came back to California for the summer and I was bored a lot and needed to find something to do that would keep me going or a pleasure/escape. One Thursday night, I decided to leave in the middle of the night from my grandfather's house. I told him that I was going out and that I'd be back later. He didn't find out until later that I had drove almost 2 hours to a casino and gambled. Luckily, I won over $1100 but it didn't stop there.
I kept going back once a week, every Thursday until I had almost given everything back. The same thing happened the following summer where I had won over $2300 in earnings and although I had used that money to pay bills and buy gifts for family, I pretty much gave over half of it back. By the end of the summer, that money was gone and I had to ask my father and grandfather to bail me out. If my grandmother was here today, I think she would smack me upside the head and would be very disappointed. When I gamble, I feel like I am having the time of my life, nothing else matters and I don't care or realize how much time and money I am losing. It hits me every time at the end whether I have won or lost with this feeling of guilt and regret.
It doesn't stop there. When I turned 21, it got only worse. I got to go to Vegas for the first time. I was up almost over $3000 and by the end of my trip I pretty much was even because I kept wanting more and more and playing all night not even realizing what time it was. The game has turned my mind completely upside down. Everyone sees my personality and behavior has changed. This past year, my senior year has been the most stressful time of my life and to relieve the stress, I have chosen every negative thing; smoking, drinking, and gambling. Back in October, I went home and lost over $800 by taking a trip to the casino. In December, on two occasions I lost over $300; once in Columbus after bowling a tournament and then in Vegas.
Even today as I am writing this article, I gambled today and spent every last penny, my last $40. I don't care anymore about myself or anything at all. My mind is wrapped up in the game and I need to get out. Tomorrow I will be going to GA and will be sharing my story. Sorry it was so long but this is a message to everyone out there. Don't fall into the TRAP!!
