I Went From Binge Eating To Macro Counting And I've Never Felt So Free

I Went From Binge Eating To Macro Counting And I've Never Felt So Free

Every morning I woke up to say to myself "I only had one meal... I can't wait to lose the weight!"


For anyone who has struggled with an eating disorder please know you are NOT alone. You will find a way to recovery. Believe in yourself. Food doesn't have the power over you anymore.

Find help if you are seeking to change the way you are living. Find help because it is the best thing you will ever do for not only yourself but your heart and mind and future.

I remember when I was 12 years old and the doctor told me I was obese for my age. When I stepped on the scale and the number 155lbs appeared he told me that horrific sentence. That was when "let me just grab a bag of chips, 2 Sprite's, some chocolate, that leftover dinner, and that'll be it for the whole day" became the intro to binge eating.

Every morning I woke up to say to myself "I only had one meal... I can't wait to lose the weight!" That was my happiness. Besides my normal chocolate Nesquick drink, I had for breakfast, I would go the whole school day without consuming a single thing. I would lie, place my hand over my stomach, and say I didn't feel good when I had to grab lunch.

I remember my mom cooked my favorite dinner and I skipped it because I already ate too much when I got home. It was like my mind was waiting for that binge moment that turned into self-hatred and self-contentment because I ate only one meal and that was the thing that would lead me to lose weight.

I thought I found the secret formula, I thought internally suffering and trying to find acceptance for this routine I was doing could somehow work. But, as any binge, I fell into a really bad depression and found that I couldn't control this thing that I once controlled.

Food became my worst enemy. It became another person who I found comfort in but knew I was getting trapped.

I played sports during jr. high and let me tell you this binge thing took a toll on me once sports became apart of my life. I couldn't keep up and somehow I would find myself eating more and more. Even though I starved, my binges became bigger meals during that one time I gave myself to eat.

I really escaped any feeling I was having by the stress of everything going on. I just turned to food and it became my best friend.

There came a point in my life where when I woke up I wasn't happy with who I was and what I became. I would of rather not of woken up to have the thought of food come to my mind. This formula didn't work and I got mad at myself for it not working.

I made excuses and blames myself for having it not work. When in reality, I shouldn't have blamed myself.

I hid this for so long and one day I had to find a way to end this relationship I had with binge eating. I had to because my body fought to talk to me and I just thought it was stupid for thinking the way it did. But, I had to finally listen. I had to not let that trick dive into my brain to win over and over.

My mind became a battleground with it.

I still struggled with binge eating months and years after trying to not let it come back. I tried to find the strength to not slip back. But, in the darkest moments, it greeted me with a loving hello with a deceiving plan.

During this time of finally "being a recovering binger", I got social media and years later I got an Instagram. I started to follow social media influencers at some point. I wanted so bad to find how to have a healthy relationship with food. I wanted to find solid ground and lay to rest that old self I was.

I stumbled across a girl named Julie Ledbetter. I saw her posts on Macro Counting and I wondered what it was.

As days went by and I saw her posts on her journey with Macro Counting, I wanted to make a change. I knew any day I could go back to binging and gaining weight. I knew if I turned back I would be long gone.

So, one day I reached out. I had many questions, reservations, and I straight up did not believe that this could work. I went back and forth with wanting to start it to justify continuing trying to find that healthy relationship by myself.

However, sometimes in life, you HAVE to jump to see the change you want to try but are scared to take. You have to jump to realize that you do have a parachute. So, when I received my macros I had to commit.

I remember looking in the mirror and saying to myself that I could do this. I had 3 weeks with one number and then I upped my macros. I did a reverse diet because my metabolism wasn't too good because of my ED.

This might sound silly, but when I found out that I could eat a donut I was so shocked. I felt as if the food that was bad brought me back to the binge... But, I taught my mind to understand that if it fits in my numbers I could eat what I wanted without feeling guilty.

I found somewhat hope in this new thing I was trying. I learned self-growth in this process. I learned how to start loving my body and myself.

In all of this, I found a way. I found a way despite my past tempting me. I found a way to create a new outlook on food. I found a way to balance. I found a way to finally be happy with the food.


Popular Right Now

The Burning Of Notre Dame Has Actually Strengthened My Catholic Faith

Corinthians 5:17 says, "Old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new."


Every year, Palm Sunday is the start of Holy Week in the Christian faith. As the most sacred time of the year, those who believe Jesus died on the cross for our sins hold these days dear in our hearts. 2019's Palm Sunday, however, is now held in infamy. The very next day, the precious Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris started to burn.

As the world now knows, the famed and historic Notre-Dame de Paris was spontaneously engulfed in flames on April 15, 2019. The cause has not yet been identified precisely but is most likely due to complications during the $6.8 million renovations the cathedral is currently under. Completed back in 1345, the nearly 800-year-old church has withstood the test of time relatively well.

Until now.

The modern world watched as one of the biggest treasures of the past burned away before our eyes, Twitter even erupted in an unprecedented coverage of this world-wide tragedy as many took to social media to pour their condolences and share memories of this French icon. Religion, race and personal beliefs aside, the world collectively grieved and lent support.

While this is truly a loss on a global scale, the blow comes as a particularly harsh one to the Catholic community after a particularly difficult season of Lent. From the Pope addressing allegations of sexual assault, to backlash over the controversial theatrical release of the film "Unplanned", this latest development seemed like a cruel joke in the days leading up to Easter Sunday. I myself felt affected by this fire hundred of thousand miles away in North Carolina. One of our most beloved holy churches was ebbing away in front of us and all God could do was watch.

However, despite all that, we must look forward.

Despite much of the church being reduced to ash, some of the priceless artifacts and objects that were hidden away in the cathedral have been able to survive the ordeal; such as the crown of thorns, numerous pieces of art, the rose windows, the altar cross shown above and the iconic bells of Notre Dame. Once news of this broke out, I was strengthed to my core knowing God was indeed there.

It seems like such an oxymoron to see such a tragedy as a sign of hope, yet the Bible itself is full of those. The 7 plagues that tormented Eygpt, the Great Flood, and even the death of Christ as examples.

As children of Christ, we are told at a very young age to never question his plan. He is all knowing and has a way of making everything fall into place. God sensed that Catholics were in the midst of a troubling time and brought us this opportunity of a new beginning. The burning taking place during Holy Week can also be taken as perfect timing.

The whole premise of this week revolves around the death of Jesus at the hands of Pontius Pilate, yet miraculously returned three days later before joining Our Father in Heaven, the cathedral can very well do the same and return better than before.

It is a devastating loss but already we are seeing evidence of joyous aftermath. As I noted before, people from all walks of life are offering support and condolences to a faith they were scorning just a week prior. Priceless artifacts have miraculously been recovered and plans for rebuilding have already started. This is a sign of a new beginning, that God is backing us through it all.

Do not question His plan, just have faith. The rest will fall into place.

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

Fiction On Odyssey: First Flight

We have all secretly dreamed of flying


A young eagle undertakes a harrowing first flight.

I'm sure we have all secretly dreamed of flying, soaring above the whole world to declare, "Hey, I can actually see my house from here!" I myself am captivated by the idea of flight, to have the ability to truly going wherever your heart desired. To me, flight means freedom, and freedom is always compelling to pursue. In that sense, I suppose no one is freer than the eagle.

First Flight

The land before the fledgling eagle sang with the roar of the buffeting winds, beckoning it to ride on the rushing currents. The mountains rose gray and green in the blue haze of their summits, jagged and unruly as the untamed world of the sky. The eagle clawed restlessly at the nest of twigs, grass, and branches beneath it, its wild heart sighing at the relentless tug of the wind. Its wings flapped and fluttered impatiently, and the promise of the flight was almost too great to bear.

Nothing could stir the storm of emotions that willed it to follow the breeze and let it carry his wings. Gleefully, he screeched, and the cry echoed far and wide through the mountain ranges. The eagle was of a free spirit, one of the land and air and clouds. His wide, golden eyes were sharp and wired for the never-ending mountainous sprawl before him, and he felt only a fierce desire to soar among the ancient, looming peaks and add his breath of wingbeats to the scream of wind that swept through their endless paths and deep chasms.

He was young and arrogant and had yet to learn of the dangers that awaited him, but the unrelenting call of the mountains awoke nothing but courage in his fiery soul. The rolling hills in the far, far distance were pale and misty, an unknown place full of wonders to be explored and understood, a whole world waiting for the eagle to arrive in a flurry of dark feathers and gleaming talons.

The eagle's nurturing parents had not returned, and perhaps never would, but it was no such matter to fret over. It was past time to begin roaming beyond the nest. Even so, the eagle was anxious. Would the wind be enough to carry him? Would he be able to swoop among the rugged, towering peaks and breathe their frosty breath? Would he—

A powerful gust of wind pounded into the fledgling's back, sending him lurching on his two feet. His wings flapped in alarm, fighting against the air to propel himself away from the sheer drop that lay ahead. All the courage fled the eagle just then, and he turned to make for the center of the nest, where it would be safer. As though the mountains were impatient with him, they sent another billowing rush of their breath into him, smacking him dead in the belly. Screeching in surprise, the fledgling spread his wings wide once again as fear of falling overtook him. The wind took up his feathers and sent him flying backward, straight over the edge of the precipitous drop. The breath left the eagle's gut and a wave of fear filled him from the tip of his beak to the point of his talons.

The sensation of falling held a grasp of icy terror briefly over the fledgling's body, but when he realized the jagged foot of the mountain of which he had spent his days was fast approaching, he began throwing his wings wildly against the air, struggling to find a way to return the wind to his belly. Instinct told him he would find no way to ride it if he faced it with his back. His wings must find the gust somehow, and fast.

He lashed out at the air with his long black claws, throwing his body this way and that. The fledgling tried to flap his wings, but they could not break the hold of the wind pummeling his back. Despair washed over the young flyer, but he continued fighting, his eyes watering from the sting of air as it whipped across his face.

His tail feathers gave a twitch, and suddenly the eagle found his whole body twirling in the sky. He willed it to go still, and the spinning stopped. He twitched it once more, and the whirling began anew. The eagle flapped his wings madly once more, pumping them against the air. The world was turning itself right around, but it gave him a frightening view of the harsh, sharp rock. Towering gray stone rose to surround him, closing him in, sending him hurtling to his doom.

The eagle swung his tail feathers aside, and he lurched unsteadily right-side up. His wings buffeted against the wind, inexperienced and wild. The fledgling knew he had to go up, but he wasn't certain how to do so. He drew his tail feathers downward, and his wings flew up, sending waves of rolling wind against his stomach. It was a strange feeling, but it seemed to be halting his descent. The rock had stopped rushing toward him, but that did not mean it was moving away. Twisting paths of jagged stone hurried to meet him just ahead.

Beating his wings, the bald eagle struggled to ascend, clawing at the air for purchase. He threw his tail feathers about and found himself climbing higher and higher into the blue mist of the mountains. Even so, he would not be high enough to miss the oncoming madness of weathered rock that lay ahead. He straightened his body with a flick of his tail, aligning it with the current of wind. The air curled under his wing feathers, lifting him, carrying him. His fear had vanished, leaving only a cold determination in the fledgling. His wings were as one, flapping together, and his tail feathers buffeted in the breeze, guiding him through the air.

He faced the rocks with confidence and steeled himself to any thoughts of failure. He would make it through the mountains, prove that he was ready to live as a true eagle, one of the wind and stone and sky. The fledgling tilted his tail feathers left and shouldered to the right of a bend of jutting mountain rocks. He flicked it to the right and glided left around a protruding ledge, his wing feathers brushing the cold stone as he whisked past. The maze of rock before him did little to deter him.

He followed the rush of air through the winding trails, his razor eyesight lending fresh perspective to the land around him. The thundering roar of a waterfall caught his hearing, and as he swooped round jagged rock spires, he could feel the cold spray beading against his wings and back. The final obstacle before the eagle was two faces of stone, both pressing close to one another and leaving a small, narrow gap between them. The fledgling trained his sharp golden eyes on the gap, calculating its width and the dexterity of his body.

He had to do this; the mountains would see him through. But, just now, it was up to the eagle himself to conquer the gap. He beat his wings powerfully, the wind throwing him closer and closer to his final test as a flyer. He sucked in a breath and angled his body vertically, lining it up with the narrow opening of the gap. His tail feathers held firm, stilling him against the wind current.

He closed his eyes upon passing between the two stone faces, feeling the rock close around him in its deep black shadow. The air whistled faintly, flowing swiftly through the gap, and the eagle willed himself to follow after it. He tensed upon feeling the rock rake against his back, but then the uptake of wind swirled around him again from all sides, and the fledgling knew he was free.

His eyes flew open and before him unraveled a green valley. Upon righting himself, the air took him again, lifting him up and assuring him a safe position within the sky. The eagle, his heart soaring with triumph and the freedom before him, pumped his wings, circling the length of the valley with all the speed and strength in his muscles.

Mountains crowded around on all sides, but they left a bowl-like space between them. Grass flowed like water, rippling against the breeze, and lakes shimmered a deep blue in the afternoon sunlight. Trees rustled and swished in the wind, their thick bodies creaking with the disturbance. The eagle flew above it all, twirling about in the air and reveling in the freedom of flight. He swung left and right, his wings tilting and folding as he dived, soared, and glided.

A whole new world awaited him in the skies, calling him by name as the wind flew across the land.

Related Content

Facebook Comments