I Went From Binge Eating To Macro Counting And I've Never Felt So Free

I Went From Binge Eating To Macro Counting And I've Never Felt So Free

Every morning I woke up to say to myself "I only had one meal... I can't wait to lose the weight!"

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For anyone who has struggled with an eating disorder please know you are NOT alone. You will find a way to recovery. Believe in yourself. Food doesn't have the power over you anymore.

Find help if you are seeking to change the way you are living. Find help because it is the best thing you will ever do for not only yourself but your heart and mind and future.

I remember when I was 12 years old and the doctor told me I was obese for my age. When I stepped on the scale and the number 155lbs appeared he told me that horrific sentence. That was when "let me just grab a bag of chips, 2 Sprite's, some chocolate, that leftover dinner, and that'll be it for the whole day" became the intro to binge eating.

Every morning I woke up to say to myself "I only had one meal... I can't wait to lose the weight!" That was my happiness. Besides my normal chocolate Nesquick drink, I had for breakfast, I would go the whole school day without consuming a single thing. I would lie, place my hand over my stomach, and say I didn't feel good when I had to grab lunch.

I remember my mom cooked my favorite dinner and I skipped it because I already ate too much when I got home. It was like my mind was waiting for that binge moment that turned into self-hatred and self-contentment because I ate only one meal and that was the thing that would lead me to lose weight.

I thought I found the secret formula, I thought internally suffering and trying to find acceptance for this routine I was doing could somehow work. But, as any binge, I fell into a really bad depression and found that I couldn't control this thing that I once controlled.

Food became my worst enemy. It became another person who I found comfort in but knew I was getting trapped.

I played sports during jr. high and let me tell you this binge thing took a toll on me once sports became apart of my life. I couldn't keep up and somehow I would find myself eating more and more. Even though I starved, my binges became bigger meals during that one time I gave myself to eat.

I really escaped any feeling I was having by the stress of everything going on. I just turned to food and it became my best friend.

There came a point in my life where when I woke up I wasn't happy with who I was and what I became. I would of rather not of woken up to have the thought of food come to my mind. This formula didn't work and I got mad at myself for it not working.

I made excuses and blames myself for having it not work. When in reality, I shouldn't have blamed myself.

I hid this for so long and one day I had to find a way to end this relationship I had with binge eating. I had to because my body fought to talk to me and I just thought it was stupid for thinking the way it did. But, I had to finally listen. I had to not let that trick dive into my brain to win over and over.

My mind became a battleground with it.

I still struggled with binge eating months and years after trying to not let it come back. I tried to find the strength to not slip back. But, in the darkest moments, it greeted me with a loving hello with a deceiving plan.

During this time of finally "being a recovering binger", I got social media and years later I got an Instagram. I started to follow social media influencers at some point. I wanted so bad to find how to have a healthy relationship with food. I wanted to find solid ground and lay to rest that old self I was.

I stumbled across a girl named Julie Ledbetter. I saw her posts on Macro Counting and I wondered what it was.

As days went by and I saw her posts on her journey with Macro Counting, I wanted to make a change. I knew any day I could go back to binging and gaining weight. I knew if I turned back I would be long gone.

So, one day I reached out. I had many questions, reservations, and I straight up did not believe that this could work. I went back and forth with wanting to start it to justify continuing trying to find that healthy relationship by myself.

However, sometimes in life, you HAVE to jump to see the change you want to try but are scared to take. You have to jump to realize that you do have a parachute. So, when I received my macros I had to commit.

I remember looking in the mirror and saying to myself that I could do this. I had 3 weeks with one number and then I upped my macros. I did a reverse diet because my metabolism wasn't too good because of my ED.

This might sound silly, but when I found out that I could eat a donut I was so shocked. I felt as if the food that was bad brought me back to the binge... But, I taught my mind to understand that if it fits in my numbers I could eat what I wanted without feeling guilty.

I found somewhat hope in this new thing I was trying. I learned self-growth in this process. I learned how to start loving my body and myself.

In all of this, I found a way. I found a way despite my past tempting me. I found a way to create a new outlook on food. I found a way to balance. I found a way to finally be happy with the food.

-AKay

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To The High School Senior, It's Not All About College Applications

Finish strong, be mindful of your needs, and live in peace.

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I wish I could have said this all last year, that you will never have it as easy as you do right now. It's the end of the road for childhood and you're wondering what else do I do with my life now that I'm going to college? It's a mix of emotions and feelings that are hard to process. My goal is telling you this is the year to do everything fun and live like you haven't before. This doesn't mean skip school on the daily and get bad grades(it matters until the end because of college).

But above all else, don't let college applications define your year. People think applying to college is the story of what happens senior year(which is mostly true but I promise that is not the only thing that matters). There is so much more to life than college applications and laughing how everyone becomes depressed their last year from being around the same people. If I could tell myself last year, it would be this:

First, it would be to not argue with people at all. This last year is simply too scared to fight and argue with people over nothing. Do your best to be kind to everyone and not cause problems for other people. Everyone deserves to have a nice senior year.

Second, enjoy being able to live in your own room and not share with anyone else. Once you get to college there's going to be a lot of unnecessary noise that you sort of get used to living with.

Next, do not take an abundance of college classes. They're only going to help you but so much and you're not going to want to do the work anyway. Don't be one of those people who does this and doesn't feel the need to have a social life. It's no joke, recognize you're human and be mindful of your needs.

In addition, there is no such thing as a perfect school. Every school has its flaws and most of the time when people say yes, they're saying yes to the marketing campaign the school has. There is a large difference between the marketing campaign for the school and actually living there. It's always good to go to your top school and tour a second time so you know what definitely fits you.

Most importantly, do not be too consumed in your cell phone and pretend that you don't care about anything. That's like a lame childish response pretending you don't have feelings. And for those that still think this is the way to go, I can't wait until you take a sociology class and learn about how humans are dependent on one another.

Appreciate everything mom and dad have done for you. Do not fuss about what is put on the dinner table, and instead be grateful that they took their time to prepare a meal for YOU. Nothing compares to mom's home-cooked meals. Because that dining hall food can really mess you up.

You will be working the 9-5 all day every day. There will be more work, you will be stressed out about reading around 300 pages of material per week, and have the stress of having two tests as the only semester grades.

Lastly, you will actually have to adult for the first time ever in college and find what keeps you motivated. It's not a hand holding game with constant support. You have the opportunity to do a lot by yourself but also with others.

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5 Things Everyone Should Know When Making Self Love A Priority, As It Should Be

Basically, all you need is self love.

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Basically, all you need is self love. Self love should be your number one priority, so, here are things to know about self love.

1. Self love is not always easy.

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Although, self love should be self explanatory with the words alone, there may be some individuals out there who do not clearly understand the meaning because they have never been taught how to love themselves. The definition of self love is the love of oneself. In the beginning, loving oneself can be a hard process and doesn't happen overnight. Acquiring self love can take months, years, or even a person's entire lifetime to develop. However, once a person finds self love they will realize what they have been missing their entire life.

2. Accepting yourself, it’s truly ok to be different.

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The very first thing that you need to learn about self love, is to accept your flaws which can be difficult for some people in the beginning. But what you have to look at and understand is that those little imperfections makes you who you are. Everyone in this world is beautiful and handsome in their own way, and it's really okay to be different because in a world full of Cheerios, it's boring, so why not spice it up by being a fruit loop instead.

3. Practicing self care.

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Practicing self care, how do we get there? Self care is essential to preserving your own mental health. When you are feeling down and out about yourself or the negative things in society that may be affecting you, here are some tips to practice self care:

  • Remove yourself from negative environments
  • Avoid individuals who causes stress
  • Take breaks from electronics and social media
  • Meditate to strengthen your mind
  • Try painting or drawing to relax your mind
  • Try listening to music / dancing
  • Take a break and go outside to get some fresh air
  • Go on a little shopping spree and treat yourself on occasions
  • Relax to scented candles
  • Try having a discussion with your family and/or friends

4. You don't need anyone else to make you happy.

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Many people have been programmed to believe that they need someone in their lives in order for them to be happy, which is not accurate. To be honest, you don't need anyone else, you only need yourself. As my mother always used to say "You have to love yourself first, before you can love someone else," and she's right. Until a person truly understands what it means to make themselves a first priority before searching for a partner then they will struggle with self love. The reason I say this is because if you don't love yourself then how will you know how to love someone else? That is the million dollar question.

5. Knowing your worth.

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The golden rule is "Knowing your worth is key to loving yourself." If a person have confidence in themselves then their self-esteem will be higher. If self-esteem is present then they will not allow other people to treat them in a negative manner. Therefore, they are practicing self care/self love.

I want you to make it your number one priority to find your self love, then go out there in the world and love. One day you will find your soulmate who will cherish you for who you are, and they will love your imperfections as much as they love you. Otherwise, don't settle and certainly don't accept anyone who doesn't respect you because your life is a precious gift and should be treated as such.

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