Growing up, whenever I would get upset about something, my father would tell me "It's all between your ears!" When I got upset that I wasn't able to do something, like ride my bike on my own first try, or do a back walkover, he just told me it was between my ears. When I got frustrated about school work or grades, he would just tell me calmly the same thing as always: "It's all between your ears." It didn't matter what the situation was, if I came to my father about something, he would always tell me the same thing, "It's all between your ears."
And guess what? I hated it.
I didn't know how that was supposed to help my situation. I didn't even know what it meant! It just made me madder and more upset that he wasn't saying anything helpful. I saw it as a cop out for trying to help me, thought my father didn't want to help me and it just made matters worse. I began ending every rant I had to my father with, "And DON'T tell me it's all between my ears! That doesn't help!"
But after 21 years of hearing it over and over again, hating it every time he said it, I found myself giving the same advice to somebody else. When those words came out of my mouth, I wanted to wash my mouth with soap because I couldn't BELIEVE I just said it. But it clicked, and it finally made sense to me.
My dad didn't keep telling me that to make me more upset, to use it as a cop out or to make me think he didn't want to help me. He said it because he knew that I had control over the situation. The situation only got bad because I let it. My response to something bad that happens to me is up to me. I can either get upset, get angry, get frustrated and let it get to me. Or, I could take his approach, which is making a negative situation a positive situation. Don't allow myself to get upset and frustrated over situations that aren't ideal and use what's between my ears (my brain) to create the outcome I wanted.
To my dad, I'm sorry that it took me so long to learn this lesson. I'm sure me screaming at you for saying that stupid saying a billion times throughout my life wasn't what you wanted. I know now that you were honestly trying to help, I just didn't understand. Now I do, and I'm sharing it with others.
It took me 21 years to learn the toughest lesson from my father, and now it's time for you to learn it too. "It's all between your ears" means what is happening to you is just happening inside your head, the reality is up to you.
