Six months ago, I left the South Miami Hospital after a not-so-great first night at "The U" and promised myself I would never drink again. Six months ago, the University of Miami was trying to suspend me for a year so I could "get help." Six months ago, you could find me belligerent and definitely saying some dumb, insensitive things...to anyone. Six months ago, I said that I would stop drinking for a year and see how I felt/changed after that same year. Six months ago, I was depressed and embarrassed. Six months ago, the thought of people drinking around me, the smell of alcohol and liquor stores, in general, made me upset. Six months ago, I was not myself.
As of today, I have been six months clean -- July 17, 2016. Clean from everything. I only wrote that in bold because I think it's a large accomplish for somebody to be clean from not only their specific addiction, but any sort of drug that could change the way they act. I have had 180 days of being sober from alcohol (my main addiction), but all other mind altering substances as well (weed, cocaine, Molly, oxy, addy).
When I first got out of the hospital, my mom said she was done paying for my rehab/outpatient bills and that this was the last time she was going to give me help with my addiction. She told me if I wasn't going to stop drinking and take rehab/my health seriously this time (I had been in both inpatient and outpatient before this time), then she wasn't going to pay for it and I could do as I please -- whether that be get messed up, be depressed, get kicked out of school, ruin my life or just go to rehab...again.
I didn't call my mom back for almost two days. How the heck was I supposed to stop drinking for the rest of my life when I couldn't even think about not drinking at the frat party on Saturday? (This sounded dumb even as I typed it.)
I decided that one year of my life was to be dedicated to staying sober.
I decided that after that one year of complete and utter soberness -- I would reevaluate my life and see how things have changed -- for the better or for the worse.
So, here I am, six months later. Half a year flew by.
I will say, that I sort of wanted my life to "stay the same" or "stay shitty" during my one year of soberness so I could have a reason to go back to drinking. About two weeks ago, I broke down crying and said getting drunk wouldn't hurt, everybody relapses, I can do it just once. But that's never the case. And I've had my fair share of relapses, giving myself the benefit of the doubt, it wouldn't have worked this time. I just wanted to feel free one more time, I wanted to feel like I could say whatever I wanted just one more time. I wanted to let loose, I wanted to be drunk.
(I didn't drink, I satisfied my craving with chocolate and went to sleep instead.)
But the funny thing is, my life is so much better. Not only do I have a job, a family that finally trusts and respects me, a positive attitude every morning and night, but I am also no longer depressed, I don't experience any more hangovers (this is an especially exceptional one for me), I have friends that I can finally be a friend back to. I have myself. I finally have myself back! I am so happy to truly say that I am Abby again! I've been missing this part of me for almost five years now, and just after six months, I can already feel myself slowly coming back together again.
I can only imagine what the rest of my life will look like down this great (say it like the Kellogg's tiger) path!
