To the college students wh
o are still trying to find yourself and figure out how to do day-to-day tasks with depression. Weather you're a freshman or junior, you matter and don't let anyone tell you differently.
It is so difficult to be physically present but be miles away mentally. You sit in class, unable to concentrate because your brain feels as if its shut down. You just stare at something or find yourself unconsciously doodling. Then later be so angry with yourself for not paying attention in lecture, knowing you wouldn't of been able to stay alert anyways because the "monster" in your head is telling you "you're not smart enough", "you'll never be anything anyways in life" or the one that really gets me "everyone is disappointed in you already anyways, just give up" but thats not true. You ARE smart enough, you WILL be something in your lifetime, and NO ONE is disappointed in you! You have the whole world behind you, cheering you on. It may not seem like it somedays but I can promise you, at least one person will ALWAYS be there. I'm lucky enough to have a whole army behind me, some that don't even know me personally but saw my story and reached out to me. Random people took time out of their day to send me an encouraging message. You people will never know how much it is appreciated.
Then the next day you're rocking it out, accomplishing everything you needed to get done, actually understanding what is going on in class, drinking enough water and eating healthy. As if yesterday never existed and you never had any depressing thoughts or doubt yourself. I understand completely what you're going through, the hardest part is having people who don't suffer, understand that this is your life. Even with taking medication for depression, you still have these days frequently.
Now I'm not sure if you are just figuring out what works out for your body medication wise, or if you suffer quietly. You're still going to have those days, and all you can do is take it day by day. I expressed my feelings on an off day and was told by a friend "small tasks each day girl" meaning, just do whatever you're comfortable with, but make sure you get it done. Its ok if its just one small thing, at least you committed and got it done.
Thank the family, friends, loved ones and even strangers, for everything they have done. Even if they don't realize or mean to do something that benefits you, just thank them. They are also suffering. They have to deal with your mood swings, keeping you motivated, and everything else they do on top of their schedule.