Everyone will tell us that college is hard, and maybe we’ll believe them. Most people don’t listen. We all think that we’re the exception; we’re the best and brightest, and nothing could ever stand in the way of our dreams. And mostly, we’re right. We all have bright futures ahead of us, and with enough dedication and studying, we can reach them. But what happens when we get in our own way?

I was like every other college freshman last year, wide eyed and naïve, even though I had grown up less than thirty minutes from Marshall and my family members had all gone there. I knew the campus layout, and even some of the professors. I knew all about the famous (or infamous) squirrels, and I was excited for the college life. I was ready to strike out on my own, and live as much like an independent adult as I could, while still relying on my parents for some of my financial support. Graduating with high honors and an ACT score that would make some college admissions offices weep for joy, I thought I had it made. College was going to be a breeze.

What I didn’t count on were all of my personal issues. It’s easy for anyone to get lost in the shuffle of studying and homework and a ridiculous amount of exams, all while juggling a healthy social life and still managing to work out. College was easy for the first month or two, but I started struggling to complete assignments, and with finding motivation to go to either band or rugby practice, depending on the day. Life was a drag and I didn’t know why I didn’t have the same energy and competence my classmates and friends seemingly had. What could I be lacking, when I used to be the all star student?

I found out that fall semester that I was having a recurrence of severe depression, which I have battled my whole life. I was also diagnosed with a mood disorder, similar to bipolar disorder, but thankfully not as severe. I finally had a name for the way I felt, and an explanation for why I hated life and couldn’t handle anything anymore. It didn’t help me get better, but it gave a face to the amorphous monster that had been terrorizing me for months. I had an enemy to battle instead of just thinking I was useless and burnt out.

Even after that diagnosis and starting a regimen of medications, I still had a long road ahead of me. I knew I was having trouble, but I didn’t reach out to anyone. I kept pretending everything was fine, even as I laid in my bed all day and took naps because I couldn’t find the energy for anything else. I lied to my parents, my friends, and my doctors. I swore everything was fine. I finished my first semester with a 1.2 GPA. I finished the year with a 1.8 GPA and a suspension for Fall 2017.

This is not just me dumping out all my emotions and troubles onto the internet. This is advice for those of you out there who are struggling. I have a cautionary tale that you should take to heart. I fought to come back from that deficit, and I am grateful to be well enough to take a second shot at college. I am undeterred from my original plan, and my dreams are still in place. I changed my major twice last year, and found one I love. I have good friends who stuck by me, even at my worst.

My doctors are working with me as I’ve opened up to them about my catastrophic failure last year. Everything works out in the end, if you reach out to others, and borrow their strength until you get yours back. The world will not end if you fail one class, or even a semester. You can come back even stronger and wiser than before, and just keep going. That’s the one lesson I want to share with everyone. You must always continue on, even when life gets hard.

If you find yourself having suicidal thoughts, or thoughts of harming yourself or others, reach out to the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, or through their online chat. Most of all, reach out to your loved ones. Your friends and family love you, and they are always going to be concerned about your wellbeing. If you feel like you can’t talk to any of these people, feel free to talk to me. You can find me on just about any social media, and I’m always willing to listen and give advice. I’ve been there, and it does really get better. Keep pushing, guys.