There's a sentence we've all spoken once or twice in our lives, consisting of only two words. It's meaning is powerful, yet people view it in a shallow and self-absorbed light. These two simple words ring in our minds, day in and day out. They make casual confrontation an inconvenience and confidence nearly impossible.

Although we may or may not say it aloud, the judgement is still there. Our ego takes the best of us, becoming our biggest critic.

I'm fat.

It's not a phrase that is said lightly. Yes, it may be common to say, but it's taken literally in my mind.
I constantly compare my physique to girls on social media and people I meet in day to day tasks.
It's almost like an illness.

I remember in the 5th grade, I always hated my thighs. I became obsessed with obsessing over them, if that makes any sense. I would stand in front of the long windows at recess, staring at my thighs, wishing they were smaller. I wished I didn't look so unproportioned, that I looked the same as every other girl.

To this day, I can't look in the mirror without seeing every flaw. Seeing how my thighs touch, and my stomach isn't as tight as it needs to be. Who taught us to live this way anyways? Constantly scrutinizing ourselves, belittling the body that we have been given, making the temple of our soul feel like a prison.

No matter how healthy I eat, I will always feel guilty for eating that bowl of ice cream. I will never fully enjoy that plate of fries when we go out to dinner. The only thing I can think about fully is the next time I can workout.

And it's sad, really, because I know that I am healthy. I know plenty of other girls feel the same way as I do, and they are far from overweight as well. It's just that perfection seems so out of reach, yet it is always the first thing on my mind in the morning and the last before I go to bed.

At work, I'd constantly go to the bathroom to check how I look in my outfit for the day. I would hate when my thighs touched, and I loathed the days that I was bloated. I didn't feel like myself. I always felt that I need to be someone else.

It's common, but it is in no way acceptable. Why should girls be forced to feel like this? I ask myself. But we can't blame everyone else. This is a battle we carry in our own minds, and our mindset can easily be changed if we wanted it to.
It's easier said than done, I know, but being thinner will NOT make you more popular. It will not make you more pretty, and it will not make you more smart.
It might satisfy your conscience for a moment or two, but let's be honest, that feeling will never go away.

We need to learn to accept ourselves at every form our body may take. As the years progress, our body will continue to change, too. There is no point in dwelling on its current state, because it is always changing.

There is no need to constantly "diet", or counting every single calorie you eat. If that is what works for you and makes you happy, go with it. But for me, it only takes my obsession a little further.

I am learning to live a balanced life, where I can accept my "flaws", and realize that they are not flaws at all.

This is who I am. A work in progress.