It was a couple weeks before spring break sophomore year of high school, 2014. I had been rocking a wig for a couple of weeks. A wig which at the time I thought was cute but looking back, it was horrific. Anyways, at the time I knew nothing about properly securing a wig so I would pull it on each morning and try to secure it as tight as possible with the wig scrap provided.
That unfaithful day during physical educating (P.E), the devil's hour, we were playing dodgeball but on scooters. There I am rolling around and dodging balls being thrown at me when all of a sudden, another kid from across the room throws a ball directly at me and a breeze flows over my head.
The room was quiet for about a second and then BOOM! The whole gym erupted into laughter. My wig had flown off my head and across the gym floor. Needless to say, I was super embarrassed and ready to burst into tears but I knew that was the last thing I wanted to do. Instead I picked my wig up off the floor and ran into the locker room. There I cried a bit and quickly wiped my face. I pulled my wig back on and fixed it into place.
The weeks following this incident were filled with laughter, slick remarks, name calling and thousands of jokes. Just about everyday for a week I cried once I got home. I kept a brave face in school because I knew that was the only thing I could do. That spring break - I decided to go natural.
When I moved from Liberia to America at seven years old, I faced a lot of bullying and because of that I had lost most of my self-esteem. I hated myself. The way I looked. The way I talked. I hated how dark my skin was. I hated how fat I considered myself. I just could not stand myself. I always begged my mom to do my hair so I would never have to show my true hair. In eight grade I started playing around with makeup as a way to seem prettier because all the pretty girls wore makeup.
I embraced my sexuality because I thought it would make guys stop being mean to me. I thought they would want me. I was so lost on the inside but on the outside I always had a smile on. It all started so young and I spend so many years not loving myself. I decided that incident would be the last straw.
During my high school years I was really trying to come to terms with myself. I spent high school embracing my skin, my weight, and my weirdness. I learned to stop fat shaming myself and instead to look in the mirror and see myself as someone worthy and deserving of self-love. Though I wore makeup more, it became a type of self expression. I became a "I don't care" statement which I realize is super ironic.
By the end of sophomore year I was unapologetically being me. I lived in my true form and those that loved me no matter what stuck it out with me. I went natural because I realized I had to stop hating myself for things I could not change. I will never forget that day in P.E. because it changed me for the better. It made me brave enough to want to be myself.
Three years in and I could be happier, only because I think there is always room for improvement. Let's get one thing clear. I love myself. I have never loved myself the way I do now. I am 100% confident in myself and my abilities to succeed in anything I put my mind to. I love my body with all its stretch marks and "fat fabs." I love the way my short hair fits me and it has become like loud and proud statement. I am no longer afraid to cut my hair, as I have now cut it close to my scalp - buzzed.
I have learned to love me for every part of me and to not accept anyone who cannot see all the beauty I possess. I went natural because it was essential to my well-being. Without it I might have lost my sanity. My natural hair gave my a power I never thought I had in me. Growing up, I was told my hair was my beauty but I have taught myself that my personality is my beauty and it shines brighter then any hairstyle ever will.
I can safely say, if it was not for that day, I might have never gone natural or it might have taken years. It's strange to say but that kid gave me the courage to be myself. They forced me to come out of my shell so I will always thank them and who knows, maybe one day they will read this and chuckle.
