Unless you’re constantly channeling your inner Kourtney Kardashian (goals), I think it’s fair to say that we can easily get wrapped up in the idea of ‘needing someone’ from time to time. It took me a while to figure out how to focus on myself, but I sure as hell am glad I did. College is great. We are constantly being immersed in new social situations, meeting new people and making new memories along the way. Okay - so some memories may be remembered in a better light when you’ve got a partner by your side. Call me crazy, but maybe tracking down a formal date by having your friends post about you in their group chats just doesn’t do it for most of us. This is completely understandable - and if you can personally relate to my example above, my heart goes out for you – but let’s not forget that being happy with someone and needing someone to be happy are entirely different. I’m not saying we should rule out relationships or dating in general, but I strongly believe that we need to stop prioritizing them for the sake of our mental health and sanity. Being okay on your own is not only attractive, but this is the one time in your life that you can be selfish and slightly self-absorbed without being deemed a total asshole. Let’s take advantage of this! If you’re not convinced, then let’s take a look at all the kick-ass reasons as to why being content on your own is so satisfying.
1. Being independent in college gives you the opportunity to put energy into things you can actually become passionate about.
For most, college will feel like the quickest four years of your lives. With that being said, get involved. Figure out what your school has to offer. Apply for a leadership position. Add a minor. Join a fraternity or sorority. DO SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF. Yes, the social aspect of college is appealing and ultimately the reason we manage to survive our weekday classes… Let’s not forget though that the reason we are all enrolled as a student here is to build our resume, figure out what careers interest us and make our sad attempt at adulting with supportive friends along the way. Wasting your time on people who don't encourage you to further your skills and interests is like settling for Pepsi when you asked for Coke. Don’t do it.
2. This is the probably the easiest time of your life to meet people and form friendships.
There are approximately 80 thousand students enrolled here at Arizona State University, and yet the person you’re wasting your time with is ‘special’ because...? The energy you put into the wrong people is energy you deny potential friendships and connections. Between cramming for exams, spending too many late nights at Taco Bell and constantly searching for our Uber, our time is valuable. This is a public service announcement: stop wasting your time on people who aren’t worth losing sleep over! You are literally wasting it. We do not get these four years back. We do not get our 20s back. Get your priorities straight. Instead of making time for someone who harbors negativity in your life, do literally anything else. Literally. Anything. Else.
3. You have the rest of your life to settle down and ‘adult.’
News flash: Adulting is not fun. When I got excited about bananas being on sale at the grocery store, I knew a little piece of me died. Dead. Gone. Stop rushing these years and start taking full advantage of this freedom. Be independent and enjoy living alone or with friends. By the time you’re in a loving and healthy relationship, you’ll probably miss waking up to clean bathrooms and knowing there are no dishes in the sink. Now is the time to travel, meet new people and go out. How do you expect to fully understand yourself if you keep relying on someone else to tell you their own twisted interpretation of you? Put yourself in new and adventurous social situations. Travel abroad. Travel the country. Travel to Taco Bell. Making the time to navigate a new place on your own is powerful. You would be amazed at how free and liberated you feel when you realize that you are completely capable of calling the shots.
4. You don’t have the ups and downs of a relationship.
All relationships have their fair share of good and bad moments. Being a loyal partner means sticking it out and putting in extra effort when things get tough or when things get tense, when things go wrong and when the spark starts to fade. Disclaimer: this does not apply to all college relationships. If you’re engaged or married, I will happily applaud you for putting in the extra time and effort to fix things when a steady relationship starts to go downhill. If you’re in a high school or college relationship trying to force something toxic to work, then that’s a different story. College is not the time to ‘stick it out.’ College is not the time to give your ex that seventh chance. College is the time to let go of these people and realize that if you are truly meant to be, you will find your way back to each other after a little personal growth changes you both. It doesn’t matter if they’re your high school sweetheart or the person you’ve known since freshman orientation. If they are no longer adding positive value to your life, let them go.
5. You will be less likely to settle.
Once you start focusing on understanding more about yourself and less about your partner, you will realize that the only person who can truly bring you happiness is yourself. No one else can read your mind. No one else knows every detail about what you love or what frustrates you the most. The only person who truly knows what you need to be healthy, positive and happy is you – so stop relying on someone else to tell you what you already know. Your confidence level may even go up because you will be less reliant on someone's opinion of you. Once you understand this, you can stop filling the void with people who aren’t right for you. When you do meet your match, you’ll know the feelings are real and that you’re not just trying to ‘fill the space.’
Convinced yet? Stop investing these four years in meaningless relationships and start investing in yourself. You deserve that much.
