Though I struggle with feeling sad a lot, depression is something I have felt at only certain periods of my life and it was never the type of depression that would be helped by medicine, such as when my family began to fall apart, when my grandma died, when a close friend dropped me, and when I was failing in my chosen major in college. Some people may hide their depression behind an overly bright smile, some may seclude themselves, while others may feel a desperate need to stay near people. For me, depression feels like being buried alive under freshly laid concrete. At first, I feel weighed down and stuck in place and then suddenly I start to feel overly active. I seem to be controlled by a state of constant motion and get a lot more done than I usually do, but all the while I feel like a rolling hay bale being chased by fire. After I start to wear out, the horrible facts and feelings that are making me depressed, come knocking again. They start to tap on my mind's door and finally they break rudely in and suck the energy from me, making me from suffucated an deflated. In a matter of a few heartbeats, I go from a feeling of almost superhuman strength, to a feeling of extreme heaviness, like the concrete that was metaphorically poured on me has hardened and pinned me down. All the feelings that I had been numb to, now attack me with the speed and destruction of a mud slide. One of the things that scares me most about depression is that it makes me feel like nothing matters. It makes me feel like I don't care. I don't care about getting dressed up, reading or even riding a horse or playing with kids. Everything I normally love and get so much happiness from, seem to mean nothing. Of course these things always mean a lot and of course I never really stop caring, but that's the way I feel when this heaviness takes a firm hold of me. If I had to use one word to describe what depression feels like to me, it's hopelessness. It's a state of mind where positive change feels impossible, where feelings of loss, loneliness and emptiness are extremely heavy and it is in this state of weakness that the devil will try to work against us. This is when having loved ones who are a daily part of our life is so important. The thing we need most when depression hits is a loving hand to hold ours, a gentle voice reminding us that life is beautiful, that we are priceless and that we will get through this and feel alive again. We need someone to pull us out of bed and get us to dress and eat and most of all we need someone to pray for us when we are too weak to form the words ourselves. The only reasons depression doesn't keep me down long is because I have an incredible mom and sister who live with me and who will never let me get buried under that concrete and because I have many sweet friends who will hug me and tell me that I'll be okay, and that I am loved and needed, and because I have a God who will always reach out to me when I'm hurting and help me up again. To all those out there who struggle with depression and have no one who is really 100% there for you, I feel so much empathy for you, I am so sorry for what you are going through, and whether I know you or not, I am sending you prayers and encouragement. Know that even in the darkest moments, that you are priceless, and that life is SO worth living and so worth fighting for.