These past couple weeks have been rough on me. I have gone through a lot and I am raw and worn with emotion. I try so hard daily to keep myself from falling into a million pieces and from admitting that I am not okay. But why? Why can't I be not okay? Sure it is important to be healthy, and being happy is great but sometimes that isn't the reality. Sometimes you need to cry, scream, be sad, and eat all of the ice cream in the house. Do it. Do it all, and just BE.
Our society has created such a stigma that says you HAVE to be okay ALL of the time, and anything less is just unacceptable. Which, for some of us, isn't a problem. For those of use who have days when we are not okay, it sucks because some people don't get it, and some parts of society shame it. The idea that every day is supposed to be filled with rainbows and butterflies is tiring. It is worn, and so are you. That is okay.
I usually keep to myself about things I am going through. I don't tend to be upfront about issues or struggles I am having, until recently. I needed help. My mental illness went to the next level and I was diagnosed with depression. I didn't want to accept this. I couldn't. Everyone called me "Sunshine". I was always the happy one with big hopes and dreams. I fought off accepting this for so long. There was no way I could have depression. On top of anxiety and panic, no way. My depression escalated to bouts of self-harm and boy, what a wake up call. I say this not for your pity or your apologies, but to show that it is okay. It takes time to become okay again, and in the time being, you get to be. You get to take care of yourself. Spoil yourself, you deserve it.
People will tell you that you are strong - let them. You might not feel strong now, but you are. People will offer to be there if you need to talk - talk to them. People who offer help in those times rather than just fleeing are the ones who you need around you.
It's okay to feel like you're drowning, and like there is no hope left. But you do not get to stay there. There are so many people in this world who care about you, and who are looking for you to succeed. Your cheering section is bigger than you probably know, so don't stay there. Don't let yourself drown, we will all float on okay in the end.
