There's one thing that I have always struggled with and that is being alone. Sure, I enjoy my alone time and doing things by myself, but I have always been terrified of being actually alone with my thoughts.

To be completely honest, I can't remember the last time I let myself be still and just think. No technology, no people around, nothing but my internal thoughts. But, that's what is scary. I'm scared to listen to things I know to be true and the things that I think to be true. I'm scared to think negative things about myself and the things around me. I'm scared I won't be able to shut this fictional portal that leads to all things sad and angry, once it is opened. I'm scared I won't be able to handle my own thoughts.

But, I guess, not being able to handle my own thoughts isn't the worst part about this whole struggle, it's the underlying fact that I don't love myself enough to sit down and have the hard "talks." In my life, I find it vital to sit down and have difficult talks with the people in my life, whether it be confronting them, telling them about my feelings, discussing hard topics, etc. But when it comes to myself, I can't do it. I can't confront myself, and that's the worst part.

I've decided, recently, that I am going to attempt to love myself more. And that's not the cliche idea of just telling myself "I'm beautiful" every time I look in the mirror, but I'm going to start loving myself enough to let myself think things. I want to allow myself to think intellectually and deeply because that's how I'm going to grow as a person.

For those of you who have the same struggle of just being still, every once and a while remember to love yourself enough to find time to be alone with your thoughts. You deserve it.