You’re heading to your favorite coffee shop in the middle of campus and suddenly realize you forgot your laptop. That’s fine, you think, I’ll just be on my phone. After grabbing your drink from the barista you head to the nearest empty table and grab a seat. As you take that first sip from your much needed iced coffee, you fish out your phone and start scrolling through your latest Instagram feed. Puppies, brunch, and some blurry pictures from last night, aka the usual posts for an early Friday afternoon. Beep, beep. Your phone is at 5% (you forgot to charge it, classic) and the screen goes dim so you squint your eyes and continue scrolling. Within a matter of 10 minutes your phone is completely dead and you are left dumbfounded, looking around blankly, wondering what to do.
Do you sit and people watch? No, that’s weird. What about get up and go somewhere? But you just found a table. How about you text a friend and have them meet you to catch up? Yeah, that’s a good idea…oh wait.
So there you are, completely disconnected, among what seems like a forest of judgmental stares and discreet side-eye. You assume everyone around you thinks you’re a complete loner because you’re sitting by yourself, making you feel increasingly self-conscious as more people walk in and out of the busy coffee shop.
When exactly did we develop this constant need to be doing something? And why are we so uncomfortable with the thought of being alone? Even when we’re vacantly scrolling Facebook in an empty room, we somehow feel connected. Yet if we’re doing the very same thing in a crowded coffee shop, for all anyone knows, we could be texting our plethora of friends. We could even be making weekend plans this very second. In reality we’re playing Candy Crush, but they don’t know that and in their eyes (and our minds) that’s okay.
Our generation has become so awkward when it comes to riding solo. Whether it’s at the movies, eating lunch, or even running errands, we feel judged and uncool when doing these things alone. As a girl, I can’t count the amount of times I’ve said “I’m going to the bathroom” at a party only to receive a unanimous “I’ll come with you” from my group of friends. What if I don’t want you to come to the bathroom with me? I’m just going to pee and I’ll be right back, I promise. But no, we must travel as a pack because that’s the thing to do. And every time I’ve got homework but my friend asks me to come to CVS with her, or the bank, or the grocery store I face the same situation. No I don’t need anything from any of those places but yes I’ll come with you because obviously going alone isn’t an option.
The funny thing is, we consider ourselves so independent, yet we still can’t manage to completely function alone without facing social pressures. And I’m not just talking to the girls here because I know you guys do it to. When was the last time you went to a bar by yourself? Oh yeah, that’s right, never. And why not? Because you would look like a total loser. No one would come up to you and tell you you’re a loser, we’ve just come to associate unaccompanied people as having no friends.
What happened to that sense of independence we experienced when leaving home and coming to college? Even freshmen roll squad deep to the dining hall; and on that off chance you go alone but fail to see anyone you know, God forbid you sit alone. We have come to use the comfort of others as a blanket against their own theoretical judgement. In reality, nobody cares if you’re sitting by yourself. Nobody notices you fumbling around with your hands when your phone dies because they’re probably too busy writing a last minute term paper. And even if they do, who says you can’t sit alone? Who says you can’t treat yourself and go to the movies solo? I say you can do whatever you want.
If you’re the snarky person in the corner of the coffee shop quietly judging me, you should stop. And if you’re that nervous person thinking everyone and their moms is judging you when you order a slice of cake all by yourself at a restaurant, you also need to stop. The assumption of other people’s concerns should cease to take up so much of our lives. As college students we’ve got so many other things to worry about, the last thing I need to stress over is how cool you think I am. Frankly, I don’t care. And neither should you.
Maybe the need to be surrounded by others is hardwired into our brains. Or maybe it’s just society worming its way into our unconscious, as is often the case. Whatever it is, we need to understand that we are perfectly and completely capable of doing so many things by ourselves and doing so is okay. When we say we’re independent, we should really live up to it. And next time I tell you I’m going to the bathroom, you can let me go alone because, well, you know you’re not missing much. Also, I’m an independent woman, damnit, and it’s time you start to admit it!
