“Never have I ever… made out with someone.”

Everyone puts down a finger but me. It’s embarrassing, but I stand strong. I’m not about to lie about something that really has no effect on who I am as a person.

I can’t play a game of Never Have I Ever without winning. It’s not because I’m stuck up, or a prude. The fact of the matter is that I’m simply slightly behind what the socially-accepted “norm” is considered to be for a 20-year old college female. And that, as I’m struggling to learn, is perfectly okay.

I’m certain adult friends and family of mine are rolling their eyes, believing I’m holding to a virginal image of innocence simply for the sake of their scrutiny. I will be the first to admit that I’m no angel. While I won’t go into my sins at the moment, I can say with absolute confidence that I am completely inexperienced in an area where many of my peers have been active for years. As I put it, I’ve stepped up to the plate, but I’ve only hit foul balls. First base is still quite a while away for me.

That may change in the coming years, and it may not. It’s very likely that my first “real” kiss will be on stage or in another acting moment. It’s a little disappointing, but that’s okay. I know that I don’t really want to date right now and I’m not part of hook up culture; if it’s gonna happen, that’s how it’s gonna happen. And I’m learning –– slowly but surely –– to make my peace with that.

In all my teenage years combined, I’ve had one boyfriend and been on one date. I’ve downloaded tinder about ten separate times but deleted the app before the flirting led to an actual date. Some think this is sad, and my insecure side is tempted to agree. But I know that my life would not have changed one way or another just because a boy was thrown into the mix.

I’m behind several of my peers when it comes to love. Maybe I will be for a long time; maybe I will be for another year, or a week, or a day. But, honestly? That’s my business. And I’m okay with going at my own speed. No one should ever feel pressure from movies or songs or books or gossip to do things they know they’re not emotionally or spiritually ready to do. Live life at your own pace. You’ll be amazed at what you find.