The first day I got my heart broken, I sat on my floor for a very long time and felt like someone had poured acid inside of the empty chambers of my heart.

I remember staring at myself in the mirror, expressionless, and not being able to process what had just happened. I let rivers flow from my eyes. I don't know how long I cried but I do remember never seeing an end to the hurting. I didn't see myself ever being happy again. It was the end of my sophomore year and while all of my friends rejoiced at the coming of our summer break, I would lie in bed for days on end staring at my eggshell white ceiling. I couldn't eat or sleep. That was the summer I learned it's possible to have withdrawal symptoms from a person. And I don't know how, but eventually I picked myself up and dusted off and I got through it one day at a time. And it's definitely easier said than done, but as someone who is well versed in dealing with the aftermath of getting her heart broken, here are some tips and tricks in effectively maneuvering yourself out of the labyrinth that is a broken heart.

Let your friends in.

I wanted to hide the pain I was feeling from my closest friends because I didn't want to burden them with my sadness, but more than likely, your friends will be there to pick up all of your broken pieces and put you back together. It is hard for many of us to be vulnerable and admit how despondent we truly are, but in the moments you allow yourself to be genuinely open with another person, not only will they be a source of comfort, but your friendship with them will grow as well. Don't be too proud or too ashamed to lean on your loved ones. You are worth far too much to bear the weight on your own. Your worth is not discounted just because you are in pain. We all struggle and we all deserve compassion and kindness. Coping should not be a task completed all by yourself. Asking for help shows strength. Tear down the walls you have built to put yourself in isolation; you cannot bloom if there is no sunlight. Allow your friends to be your sunlight, your water, your soil. Grant yourself companionship; it is not a luxury. You deserve it.

Allow yourself time to grieve.

For some reason, it has become ingrained in our minds that crying and grieving the loss of a person makes you weak. Destroy the concept that you are any less strong because of your emotional responses to stressful situations. The idea that you must be stone cold or detached in order to be strong is a dangerous one. Repressing or ignoring your emotions is unhealthy and will cause problems for you later on down the line. Just because you can't physically see the effects of heartbreak doesn't mean they're not there; the pain is very real and shouldn't be swept under the rug. My favorite author, Mitch Albom, says it best:

"Turn on the faucet. Wash yourself with the emotion. It won't hurt you. It will only help. If you let the fear inside, if you pull it on like a familiar shirt, then you can say to yourself, "All right, it's just fear, I don't have to let it control me. I see it for what it is." Same with loneliness: you let go, let the tears flow, feel it completely - but eventually be able to say, "All right, that was my moment with loneliness. I'm not afraid of feeling lonely, but now I"m going to put that loneliness aside and know that there are other emotions in the world, and I'm going to experience them as well."
Detach."

Learn to love yourself without the validation of the person who broke you.

You were beautiful before he told you that you were. Your body held value before that person painted galaxies onto your skin and called you art. Our validation does not lie in any one person. Learn how to appreciate the aspects of yourself that you deemed unloveable and worthless. Stop searching for what you can't do and begin to praise yourself for what you can. Spend time with yourself and enjoy it; be kind to your body. Treat yourself how you do your very best friend; you wouldn't criticize them and tear their self-esteem down, so why do it to yourself? And most of all, do it now. Don't wait until you lose weight or until another romantic endeavor comes along... do it now, and work hard at it. Do your very best.

Distract yourself from the pain.

Drown yourself in social events if you are up for it. Try to be up for it. While wallowing in self-pity is acceptable, allowing yourself to stay there for too long is not. Hang out in large groups, but only with friends who are good influences. Partying will not rid yourself of the emptiness. Drinking will not rid yourself of the emptiness. Drugs will not rid yourself of the emptiness. The void that was left in your chest must not be filled by self-destructive actions because that will only deepen your emptiness. The part of you that wants to recover will leave claw marks on the sides of the hole because it is trying to escape. Let it. Focus your attention on your schoolwork, a sport you like, especially focus on your friends. In every relationship you lose time with your friends. Rekindle your friendships and mend what you may have broken.

Forgive the person who broke you.

Not for them. Never for them. Forgive them for you; holding onto the pain only hinders you from growing into who you were meant to be. Carrying the anger around places a heavier burden on your shoulders. Do not forgive them because they deserve it - do it because you deserve it. Bitterness will eat you alive and will hurt you more than it hurts the person who wronged you. Release your anger however you see fit: poetry, art, music. But let it go, for your own sake.

Lastly...

Stop trying to go back to who you were before.

You will never be the same as who you were before you were broken, and you never will be. Stop idealizing you in the past; be who you are now. Holding onto the belief that "pre-heartbreak" you was the better version blocks you from flourishing. The Japanese art of kintsugi takes broken pottery and repairs it with gold. Stop trying to hide your brokenness and instead repair it with love and kindness to yourself and to others. Do not let heartbreak make you cold. Take it one day at a time and accept who you are post-heartbreak: beautiful, bold, and valuable. You are a gem. Treat yourself as such.

And for those of you who haven't yet experienced heartbreak or are about to enter into a relationship, here are quotes I collected from my friends about what they would say to themselves before and while it all happened.

"If you could go back and talk to yourself during and before the heartbreak, what would you say?"

Deja Green, 17: I'd remind myself how strong I was, not only as a female but as a human being. I'd remind myself that even though the world seemed to be crumbling around me, it would never cease to continue building itself back up.

Reese Williams, 18: I would tell myself that a boy should never make me feel whole and that hole in my heart after I was broken up with could be filled with God's love most importantly, because He is the only one who will love me truly and forever. I would tell myself even though it hurts right now, one day it won't and I will be able to look back at him and not cringe and be grateful for the times we shared.

Maurianna Wright, 16: I would tell myself never to let myself get into this predicament again; if you feel something is bad, either get out of the relationship or handle it right away. I would say... never lower your standards. And I would tell myself to "guard your heart because everything you do flows from it."

Shania Banks, 17: I would say, I promise it's not the end of world, and that I know this is all unexpected and you feel like this is impossible to deal with but you are so young and have so much to look forward to and a while from now you'll look back at this and say "hey I'm so much better now." So please don't waste your energy crying your heart out, enjoy the people around you right now, and don't question any part of yourself because of this.

Christiana Horn, 17: When he makes no effort to talk to you, remember that people make time for what they want to make time for. You will feel inadequate and like you're doing something wrong but trust me, you deserve none of the blame. You are a wildfire and he has a fear of burning. You never took well to anything that was less than one hundred percent. Showers, tea, coffee, all had to be piping hot. So why did you try and force feed yourself a love that was lukewarm?

In conclusion, the depths and characteristics of each broken person vary and there is no cure I can give you that will undoubtedly heal your wounds or fix you. I don't think there is any one patch that can be placed on the damage heartbreak causes, but there are actions you can take to ease your distress, and you are far from alone. After reading this I truly hope that you feel less overwhelmed and see that there is an end to your suffering, and in time, it will come.