This is an open letter to myself a year ago, something I would’ve really needed to hear. Something I wish I did hear.

Hey girl, I know where you are right now. You’re a couple of weeks into being away from him and already, something doesn’t feel right. Maybe it was when you were doing your homework and then all of a sudden he calls you telling you he doesn’t want to be called your boyfriend anymore but he wants to stay exclusive. His reason is that he’s not sure that he’s ready for a commitment, when for the next four years you’ll be an hour and a half away for most of the year. I know you’re starting to get a major red flag, because if I remember correctly, he’s already pushed you into saying, “I love you” and started to manipulate you into not going out as much. You’ve made the effort to figure out his schedule so that you can make time throughout the day to keep in touch, but he’ll still text you how much he hates you living far away and that he likes the relationship less and less each day.

I know you want to do everything to make him happy, because you feel obligated to. I know he makes you feel guilty that you chose to go to this school, even though you chose it over a year before you met him. It’s no big deal when he misses your calls or doesn’t text back because he’s busy, but God forbid you’re doing something and miss his because then you’re not making enough time for him. You’re starting to feel it. The overwhelming stress and need to please. You’re ignoring the fact that around you, everything is falling apart. When he’s distant, you don’t want to do anything, not even homework. You stopped going to the gym, you’re starting to stress-eat, and gaining a lot of weight. You’re holding to this amazing feeling that's slowly fading away, and honey, you need to just let it go.

If you don’t, then you’re in for a lot of pain. He will rip you to shreds, everything you ever were will be destroyed, and for a long time you won’t know where to find yourself. Physically and emotionally he will damage you, and you will live with a painful reminder of him forever. He will hurt you in ways you can’t imagine. I know that what you feel for him is one of a kind, and you might never find it again, but it honestly isn’t worth it. When it’s all said and done, it’s not going to be worth all the pain that you will feel, and you’ll regret staying as long as you did. You will find another love after him, and it will be so worthwhile, but you have to let this go to get to the next one.

This one, the boy that you're desperately fighting for, he doesn't deserve you, and deep down, you already know that. He might try to make you feel like you're not doing enough or just not enough in general, but you're more than enough. You do so much for him, and he just takes but never gives back. You're putting in so much time and effort to make him happy; you're giving him your absolute best and all he gives back is complaints. He cares more about what he's not getting from you than what he is, which is a lot, and you don't deserve to feel this way. Trust me on this: he doesn't really care. He might think he does, but he's more interested in the aesthetic of you than what you really have to offer.

Trust me, the next boy who comes into your life will knock you off your feet. You’ll meet him in the most unorthodox way with a peculiar circumstance. He’ll make you laugh, and make you feel like you’re the most wonderful thing in the world. He’ll make you want to do better, be better, and he’ll make you realize your own worth. I won’t lie to you and say that it’ll be easier, nor that he won’t hurt you, but you’ll never regret it like you did this one. What’s most important for you to know is that there is love after this, and maybe after the next one too. So don’t be afraid to let go, because you’re only hurting yourself by holding on tighter to something that's only bringing you down into an abyss that you won't know how to get back from.