I'm Going To Die Alone

'I Won't Find Anyone In College,' And Other Things I Said Before I Found My Boyfriend

Can you blame me?

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College, and everything that it was pre-graduation, was a whirlwind that I thought I would never get through. Final exams, counting down the days, and wishing for clarity on an adult life that otherwise terrified me was enough to make my head spin. In the back of my mind was the ache that things didn't quite go the way I wanted them to in the love department.

I said more times than I can count, as I watched friends and friends of friends couple off happily, that I was going to die alone, or with an abundance of cats surrounding me as I longed for a love I'd never quite get.

Was it pathetic, by any stretch of the imagination? Oh, yes. Did I believe that to be fact despite this? Oh, yes I did.

Toward the end of my senior year, I vowed, in fact, to be the elusive, wine-drunk aunt that traveled all the time, only to be seen at Christmas.

And then I "met" my boyfriend.

What has followed since is fun-filled dates, cheeks that hurt from smiling, and getting to know the man that I consider my best friend more and more every day? Not a day goes by that I don't consider myself incredibly lucky to love him in the way that we love. I wouldn't want to make a fool of myself or laugh with anyone else. I wouldn't want to stuff my face with food or slow dance in a kitchen with anyone else. I certainly wouldn't want anyone else in the entire world to know me the way he does.

I've never loved as much or as deeply as I do with him. Knowing this now, and feeling the way that I do, I can't imagine ever feeling like I was going to be alone forever, and I hate to think about how broken and grossly irreparable I used to feel.

As my boyfriend, it isn't his job to fix those demons, no matter how dim they are now. It is not his job to pick up pieces that he didn't break. It isn't his job, necessarily, to ensure that I am this happy forever.

But he's here now. For now, I'll skip out on the cats.

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I'd Rather Be Single Than Settle – Here Is Why Being Picky Is Okay

They're on their best behavior when you're dating.
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Dating nowadays described in one word: annoying.

What's even more annoying? when people tell you that you're being too "picky" when it comes to dating. Yes, from an outside perspective sometimes that's exactly what it looks like; however, when looking at it from my perspective it all makes sense.

I've heard it all:

"He was cute, why didn't you like him?"

"You didn't even give him a chance!"

"You pay too much attention to the little things!"

What people don't understand is that it's OKAY to be picky when it comes to guys. For some reason, girls in college freak out and think they're supposed to have a boyfriend by now, be engaged by the time they graduate, etc. It's all a little ridiculous.

However, I refuse to put myself on a time table such as this due to the fact that these girls who feel this way are left with no choice but to overlook the things in guys that they shouldn't be overlooking, they're settling and this is something that I refuse to do.

So this leaves the big question: What am I waiting for?

Well, I'm waiting for a guy who...

1. Wants to know my friends.

Blessed doesn't even begin to describe how lucky I am to have the friends that I do.

I want a guy who can hang out with my friends. If a guy makes an effort to impress your friends then that says a lot about him and how he feels about you. This not only shows that he cares about you but he cares about the people in your life as well.

Someone should be happy to see you happy and your friends contribute to that happiness, therefore, they should be nothing more than supportive and caring towards you and your friendships.

2. Actually, cares to get to know me.

Although this is a very broad statement, this is the most important one. A guy should want to know all about you. He should want to know your favorite movie, favorite ice cream flavor, favorite Netflix series, etc. Often, (the guys I get stuck on dates with) love to talk about themselves: they would rather tell you about what workout they did yesterday, what their job is, and what they like to do rather than get to know you.

This is something easy to spot on the first date, so although they may be "cute," you should probably drop them if you leave your date and can recite everything about their life since the day they were born, yet they didn't catch what your last name was.

3. How they talk about other women.

It does not matter who they're talking about, if they call their ex-girlfriend crazy we all know she probably isn't and if she is it's probably their fault.

If they talk bad about their mom, let's be honest, if they're disrespecting their mother they're not going to respect you either. If they mention a girl's physical appearances when describing them. For example, "yeah, I think our waitress is that blonde chick with the big boobs"

Well if that doesn't hint they're a complete f* boy then I don't know what else to tell you. And most importantly calling other women "bitches" that's just disrespectful.

Needless to say, if his conversations are similar to ones you'd hear in a frat house, ditch him.

4. Phone etiquette.

If he can't put his phone down long enough to take you to dinner then he doesn't deserve for you to be sitting across from him.

If a guy is serious about you he's going to give you his undivided attention and he's going to do whatever it takes to impress you and checking Snapchat on a date is not impressive. Also, notice if his phone is facedown, then there's most likely a reason for it.

He doesn't trust who or what could pop up on there and he clearly doesn't want you seeing. Although I'm not particularly interested in what's popping up on their phones, putting them face down says more about the guy than you think it does.

To reiterate, it's okay to be picky ladies, you're young, there's no rush.

Remember these tips next time you're on a date or seeing someone, and keep in mind: they're on their best behavior when you're dating. Then ask yourself, what will they be like when they're comfortable? Years down the road? Is this what I really want? If you ask yourself these questions you might be down the same road I have stumbled upon, being too picky.. and that's better than settling.

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