Cross-country is one of the few team sports that is also highly individualized in nature. I think that was part of what appealed to me so much in the beginning. I loved the idea of being a part of a team while still being able to pursue my own individual goals. Just over two years ago I had hip surgery that was supposed to only take me out for one season, 6 months of no running. But it took a lot longer than that. For the past two years I have struggled to feel good again while running, but finally I've made it.
Two years ago I had arthroscopic hip surgery to repair a labral tear, with my past history my surgeon wanted to be cautious so I was on a slow recovery plan: 6 months of no running. When the 6 months was up I was chomping at the bits to get out there again. I had to start small but I was happy with anything. Fast forward 6 months from that and it was a completely different story. My build up had started out great; I was slowly adding more time each run and finally starting to feel stronger. But then it seemed like my progress was slowing down. I started seeing a physical therapist again to try to help but then I left to study abroad for two months, bringing everything to a screeching halt. I was still running while I was gone but I was in a lot of pain, and could only manage a small amount of mileage weekly. Things did not get better when I got back.
Going into my senior season I was a mess. The first time trial of practice something felt wrong in my hip and it hurt more than ever. I went to see the team doctor and I felt defeated. She was worried about a re-tear or a stress fracture so I was out of commission until we got imaging done. I began to wonder if maybe this was a sign. Maybe my running career was over. It was so incredibly frustrating after waiting a year to get back out and race and then to have this happen. As the season progressed I continued physical therapy and the imaging proved nothing was wrong. So I worked hard at PT to get stronger and by the end of the season I was able to race a few times. At my senior conference meet I raced and finished 2 minutes slower than my PR. I wasn't sure how to feel about my race. I tried to be happy with the results. I tried to act like I was happy with this being the end of my running career but deep down I wasn't.
Then I got a second chance. Because I didn't race at all the year I had my surgery I still had a year of eligibility left and I was starting grad school back at Marymount. But I wasn't sure. We had a new coach and I knew grad school was going to be incredibly hard. I went back and forth all summer about whether I wanted to do it or not. Then I remembered my last conference race and I remembered my teammates and I figured that it couldn't hurt to at least try.
This past weekend was our 3rd race of the season. The first two went okay, not bad but not great either. But this past weekend something clicked. All the sudden it felt like the old me was back. I felt like the runner I was before my surgery. And my hip didn't hurt. I didn't PR but I raced hard. I actually passed other girls in the race, instead of getting passed. I came through the finish huffing and puffing and gritting my teeth and edging out two other girls. I had fun again. I was smiling after the race. I was able to sit on the bus and be 100% happy with my performance. I was able to say to my coach, my teammates, and most importantly myself that I had given it my all for that day.
Running sucks sometimes. And some days I want to quit, especially in the past two years. But I would go through the past two years all over again if it meant I could have another race like this weekend. I find myself going back to this one quote that I came across after my surgery often: "I run because I can. When I get tired, I remember those who can't run, what they would give to have this simple gift I take for granted, and I run harder for them." I run harder for that girl that suffered for two years without reward. I'm going to run the rest of my life for that girl that I was.
