It rained a lot that day. I stood with my hand against the glass of the cold window and watched the rain drops hit the floor. It was raining so hard, you could hear the drops patter against the passing cars and on the tops of umbrellas. I think the rain reflected my mood: gloomy, cold, and dreaded. Everyone hates rain and there's some parallelism in both the rain and me. I decided I'd lock myself in my room in order to collect my thoughts. I laid on my bed for about an hour until I felt the urge to use the bathroom. When I walked over to the bathroom, I had a blade in my hand. I'd picked it up off my nightstand. Suddenly, my phone rang and it was him. He had called me to invite me over to his house for Christmas dinner and that was the day my husband saved my life.

I was going to kill myself that night. I was completely over feeling like a rainy day. I was solemn and distant from everything; I was ready to end it all. I suffered for years in silence about never feeling quite right about myself. I questioned myself, my choices, and my inability to tell someone I was hurting.

That dinner that saved my life. We were 17 at the time, in our last year of high school. I had no friends until Dex befriended me one day, when he saw my college acceptance letter on the school announcement board. He ran to study hall, knowing that I'd be sitting in the same place I've always sat for four years. He was so excited to tell me we were going to the same college after pre-applying that summer. I just looked at him wide eyed because I couldn't believe that a boy was talking to me. I was quiet and reserved so I didn't even know he was aware of my existence. Too much of a surprise. I spoke to him for hours that day and grew infatuated with him. Dex, however, didn't feel quite the same, or so I led myself to believe, and I pushed him away before I got hurt. But that night, after not speaking for weeks, he called me out of the blue and to this day, he couldn't have picked a better time. I was a foster kid and I felt rejected for most of my life, so for Dex to invite me over to be with his loving family, I was instantly regretting the events that would have taken place if he didn't call. His mom embraced me as his girlfriend that he wouldn't shut up about and I was mortified, being that I was so painfully shy. "His girlfriend" is what I kept reciting in my mind and the fact that he responded "yup" in front of his entire family made me melt like the ice cubes I'd kick under the fridge. When I became his girlfriend was a mystery but for many years, when asked to tell the story of how we met, he tells people it was that day, behind the bookshelf where I'd hide when I became his future wife.

We were married for 29 years and with the help of Dex, I'd been mentally stable for all of them. When we got to college, I'd finally reached the point when I felt secure enough to open up to Dex about my issues. I sobbed and let all the cards out on the table one night in my dorm room and Dex helped me through it and even went to seek professional help with me. Unlike me, who was very poor and got to college because of my good grades, Dex came from a very wealthy family who agreed to pay for my psychiatrist. I was placed on medication that helped greatly, excusing the side effects. Our marriage was wonderful, we had everything we wanted, except children. I was unable to conceive and not a doctor in the country could tell me why. We saw them all, from any state until we just gave up. I became depressed for the first time in almost three decades and this time Dex didn't know how to help me out of it. I'd wanted a child more than anything and I felt like I deserved one. I did everything right. Thus, once again, I felt like a rainy day. We'd tried everything and I began to feel like I was being punished. I almost had a baby three times, but they all ended in miscarriage which made me believe that I wasn't meant to bring a child into the world. I question where it was the universe's way of telling me not to pass off my mental instability on to another human.

I remained depressed for three months. Of those months, I stopped eating and lost over 30 pounds. When Dex couldn't take what I was doing to myself anymore, I told him to divorce me and put me into a mental institution. I felt like he deserved more than me, I felt worthless and he was worthy of much more. I was fed up with the pressure and everyone wanting me to get it together. I wasn't going to get it together and let them have their way if I couldn't have mine. All I wanted was a baby and until I was getting one, I'd starve myself out of this misery. Truth be told, I wasn't taking any meds and this was the result, coupled with resentment and anger. My not eating stopped my body from menstruating and I couldn't keep anything down, not even water. I threw up every day, all day, and I wanted it all to end. One night, I cried what might have been dust because I was dehydrated beyond anyone's belief. That same night, Dex must have picked me up himself and brought me to the hospital. I woke up in a hospital room recovering with the help of IV and other fluids. Dex was in tears next to me and I moaned to let him know I was conscious. He told me we were pregnant. I stared at him blankly while I realized he was serious and crying tears of joy.

I now believe that everything happens for a reason. I stopped taking my meds and was able to get pregnant and past the phase of miscarriage without even knowing. Something in my cocktail of pills was preventing my body from functioning normally, which made me unable to get pregnant. As crazy as it may sound, losing weight even contributed to helping me carry a child and I no longer question a thing since I've finally been blessed enough to give life. My baby is a lively two-year-old baby girl that is everything like her amazing father. A father that, once again, saved my life! She was born on a rainy day. It finally made me see the gray weather in a newer light. My daughter, Rain, was given to me at 46 years old and I now smile at the slightest drizzle, from the moment she opened her eyes.

I thank Dex for never giving up on me and more than anything in the world, I thank him for letting me see the beauty in Rain, from that fateful Christmas day, to the birth of our daughter.