Most of my life, I've been battling with this thing called depression. Depression happens to many age groups, not just adults. Two out of 100 children and eight out of 100 teens have been diagnosed with severe depression.
I have had depression for many years now and it's a constant battle. It would be hard for me to get out of bed to get myself ready for high school some mornings, and it would feel like a chore just to go through a day. Even on the weekends, I wouldn't get out of bed until 1 or 2 o'clock in the afternoon. Sometimes I wouldn't even sleep.
I know I'm not the only one. I knew a bunch of people around me who were suffering more than I was, and i felt the need to help them through all their problems. I would be the person anyone talked to about anything. I don't judge when it comes to things like that. I had no place to judge anyone's life. I left that up to the man upstairs.
After a normal day of high school, I'd normally just go home and lock myself in my room. I wouldn't do anything but either watch Netflix, write, play video games, or listen to music. Sometimes, I'd do all of those. I had many problems with depression from the time I was in 6th grade up until now.
I still battle with it today. When I was by myself, I felt like it was a constant battle. I'd be alone with my thoughts and how most people called me these different names. I felt like being depressed was normal for a person my age, which, in all honesty, shouldn't be the normal feeling for anyone. Male, female, adult, child, or otherwise. No one should have to feel this type of emotional pain.
Yes, high school is a rough time for a teenager, especially if you're not part of the popular crowd. That was me. I wasn't part of any crowd. I'd always be hanging in the ROTC room with our Sergeant, our Colonel, and a bunch of the other ROTC students who came in to play pool, ping pong, or foosball.
I remember sitting in that room and thinking about what life would have for me after I graduate. I knew I was going to college, and I knew I wanted to be a music major, but life really has a funny way of showing where it wants you to go.
As a freshman in college, I found out I had tendonitis in my Achilles tendon, so I had to quit marching band for good. I couldn't march with it being the way it was, so I was no longer a music education major. I switched to creative writing. After figuring out what I wanted to do, and that creative writing really didn't have any jobs in my department, I switched to a Convergent Media major where I am much happier.
back to my depression: In my many years of battling with myself, I've come farther than the 16-year-old me thought I would become. I've had my flare-ups and I've had issues with anxiety, but the good outweighs the bad. I've met wonderful people where I go to college and I've even met a few of my best friends.
So, here's my suggestion for those with depression: it will get better. No matter what it is that you're going through, it will always be better. Take it from me, someone whose been mentally abused in relationships and in high school. Take it from a person who didn't do anything but shut herself out from the world because the world is a scary place. Don't get me wrong. To quote a song from Stone Temple Pilots, I was "half the man I used to be."
I promise that with what I've been through in life, you can get through this. It's only the beginning. Your life hasn't started, you are loved, and you will be loved. If you're alone and feel like no one's there for you, find a good friend of yours. Find someone. Seek out help from a counselor. Call someone on the phone for help. They will help you.
A good friend of mine, Laney, sent this to me and asked me to publish this for her. It is my hope that this opens a conversation about what your life can be like despite what you're going through. Follow Laney on Facebook and Instagram.
