I've always heard "If you love something, set it free.", but I never truly understood it until now. It took a long time for me to understand this phrase and the only way was by experiencing the attachment living in a mindset prison until one day I realized what I was living. It turned out to be a comfortable routine that we all seem to enjoy, as society is used to routine and familiarity we sometimes become comfortable with what is rather than what we actually want. Attaching myself to this three-dimensional reality had me shed all the old and I'm constantly being tested till this day so is the habit of becoming attached gone? No, not at all. It is a habit I have grown accustomed to, but it doesn't mean I can't fight or recognize these actions.

I became attached to things and especially people. Relationships were my huge lessons I would lose myself in them instead of sharing a part of myself, I wouldn't think twice I would just drop everything for my partner whether it was family or friends I would drop them for my illusion. I say the more the merrier so I always liked being around people and I've always loved being in long term relationships but I did see a pattern and this pattern had me questioning myself, was this me or would I fool myself and mold into whatever puzzle piece I fit into. Did I really know myself or was I creating myself, was this healthy or was I destroying myself confidence along with independence? I was always used to having someone there and when I would initiate an ending and a beginning to being a relationship with my own self, the next candidate was there waiting for me.

Each time there was a blessing, though, my partners were always the visualization I created as soon as I became unhappy and would decide upon being alone. I would get mad and say “Why now? Really? Is this a blessing or a test?” So there I go putting most of my energy into only one area of my life, you see I became attached to the illusion of being in love, to having to be loved and me loving. I enjoyed sharing myself with another person but I also would become very attached to this other person, that would spurt my own growth. After a while I realized I cannot maintain a relationship until I have formed a loving relationship with my own self, meaning I wouldn’t take things so personal, I wouldn’t push the other person into growth and I wouldn’t blind myself to my own mistakes and flaws. So, after 7 years of attachment, not just to one person but many I saw myself and I knew right there the insecure and an unappreciative person I had become was not what I had envisioned myself to be. I made the move in loving myself first before I dedicate myself to someone again.

It is tricky, because you may be thinking that I do love myself that's why I share myself but my problem was not loving myself my problem was the vibe I would get after attaching myself to someone. I acted carelessly, but I would care a whole lot leaving people with the impression that I didn’t care and so they would give back what I would reflect leaving myself in self-pity and constant wondering of why and how? I enjoyed being invited and would never attend. Attention seems to be the craving, the reassurance of someone loving or caring for me. As I began to look more into myself I lost myself, running around in this maze of seeing the world for the first time. I had been reborn I had died and I had been revived by my desire of transformation.

There was a whole year where there were constant tears for nothing, I felt alone, unwanted and just plain sad. I had created this black hole, inspiration would never fade but my social activity would, always distancing myself and trying to figure out this attachment I had to people. I became more aware of myself in what I would say or do and I would study myself constantly. It became tiring because I would never reach a conclusion, I would experiment with psychedelics and each time I did it was rewarding, but it wasn’t as smooth. You see when you decide to change a habit or transform a certain thing you dislike you question everything, everyone, including yourself. I learned to say I am not a fool but I also know nothing. My anger ruled my mind in this constant frustration of why it is this the way it is. I felt betrayed and lied to for a while by my own self and to doubt yourself is enough to keep you imprisoned until you decide to set yourself free. I became attached to the words people would say or write, I became attached to the social activity because I felt alone. I became attached to love that it turned into attachment. As I realized what was good for me it wasn’t easy to change certain habits and I wanted to change overnight as soon as I realized something but did I ever give myself time to heal and just time in general, no. I was an ignorant coach yelling at myself and always pushing myself to become what I knew I can be but in the wrong way, with force and self-destruction.

I lost myself even by myself but that's how I learned to find myself as well. I had to go through many breakups with the same guy until I soon realized the love will always be there but I wasn’t promoting love, I was promoting force and just attachment. You are mine and I am yours, I want you to grow but not at your time, at my own time. When he would question my growth, I felt held back, made fun of and constantly insecure to the new world I wanted to live in. I became comfortable and never growing internally. Finding myself in one relationship to the other, dedicating my time when I didn’t really need to but rather want to. I wanted to explore and have every day be an adventure but when you become comfortable, you settle and say “I like this, why to want more?” “Love is life” but is it love when there are constant break ups and hope for change, is it love when you begin to hide within, is it love when you enforce but you don’t act?

Attachment leaves you here in this solid, visual world where you will always have the “I need to see it to believe it” attitude, never taking a leap of faith of loving yourself the way you are. The attachment has you locked to illusions, “I want it like this and this only.” Attachment leaves you blind, “I need this I need that I want this I want that” ignoring the fact that all you want and need is in your face but never stopping to really see through feeling, through knowing, through appreciating. Attachment left me alone, heartbroken and lost. “ I belong somewhere, where is my spot, why was I left out?” I was being introduced to a new world that didn’t include same routines and habit. I sure as hell missed what I was used to because I was familiar with it, the knowledge of what I already knew kept me confident in those areas and fear was present. I was not aware that the fear of moving on or being introduced to new things was the reason why I wasn’t growing.

Ego became my guide and I left spirit behind. I got tired of being taken advantage by the people who were closest to me. I began to fear and as fear kicked in I attached to these feelings of betrayal and hurt I got attached to memories of happiness and pleasure and this held me back from creating new memories and just being happy. Emotionally attached to life had me revise my whole life and finally decided to take things lightly to watch my thoughts to care for myself and to trust myself. This didn’t help as social networks just became more ego based, showing people what you’re up to and showing people the person you decide to show not your whole persona but the person you create to be seen only the good and none of the bad. Attachment can be to anything and to anyone, such as thoughts, materials, illusions and people. To fear that one day you might lose all that you claim to be or have is what keeps you from growing, what keeps your ego guiding you, what keeps your love from expanding and what keeps you from learning that needs to be taught in these lessons. People are constantly going to leave and things are just things, I can have all the materials I need doesn’t mean I know how to use them, I can have all the love in the world doesn’t mean I’m going to appreciate it, I can have all i want and still be asking for more. Attachment keeps you unsatisfied, never confuse attachment with connection, attachment makes you feel anxious, insecure and needy.

Connection keeps you calm, confident and content. I had to experience this journey of feeling alone to know that I’m not, had to experience losing people I loved so much to realize that I can stand on my own. I had to realize that things never stay the same and to never hold on to the way things are and be prepared for change, to appreciate and love in the moment because you never know. I forgot to be and I forgot how to feel free. If you want to be happy just be happy and don’t attach to things that make you happy, they won’t always be there physically, in order to see a flower bloom you must let it be. In order to see the result of a cake, you must see it go through change. In order to understand, you need to go through pain. Attachment has been my lesson and I didn’t even know it after seven years. We are afraid of change but we are also uncomfortable with comfort-ability so the key is to maintain balance between spontaneity and routine. To not set ourselves to a narrow way of thinking to not let ourselves think “this is the only way” To try new things everyday and to know you can become anything without attaching yourself to this persona and identity you have created. To remove blocks you must face them. Fear will keep building blocks while love will knock them down. Love as in loving yourself with flaws and all because as you love yourself you don’t find the need to judge others but rather understand them and love them too. You become light, fun and happiness. You then integrate these same characteristics to the ones you cross paths with. In a world where negativity is constantly in the spotlight we begin to think that's all there is when in reality if you smile at someone most likely they will smile back and if they don’t, learn to let go and try again, attaching everything to yourself becomes personal and not everything is towards you or about you.

Detach and BE, Be and let live. No one belongs to anyone or anything. Attachment is not love. Experiment, discover and share. Knowledge is infinite and if you attach yourself to one thing that knowledge becomes limited, you then find yourself bored and entertaining yourself with more attachments. “If I don’t have this I’m not happy” when happiness is measured by just being rather than having. Everyday is a challenge but know you can handle them when you let the things you can’t control be. Nothing ever stays the same. We are driven by pleasure so we attach to this emotion but experience pain with a welcome and you are bound to experience happiness easily. You shed off wants and promote lightness along with positivity. You become FREE.