I remember driving home from elementary school one day, rambling on to my mother about the dramas of second grade: who hit who with the basketball in gym, how fast I finished my math worksheet, and how bad the cafeteria smelled when they served fish sticks. Suddenly, a car rushed past us on the two lane road, driving a long distance in the wrong direction before finally coming back to our lane. I remember my mother holding her breath as she watched the car that illegally passed us come closer and closer to oncoming traffic, avoiding a head on collision at the last moment. She turned to me and remarked, "Eilish, never assume anything in life. He assumed that no cars were coming, and he almost got in a wreck because of it." Under her breath, she mumbled, "Only asses assume."
I was young, and I'm sure I kept chattering about school or the cows we drove by or something else irrelevant, but her sentiment did stick with me. I've done my best to never judge people or assume things about them before I develop a relationship with them, but it seems that very few people afford me the same courtesy.
It's human nature to judge others, and we all do it, intentionally or not - but there is a large difference between judging and assuming. Judging is often based on facts or reasoning, whereas assuming usually has no merit. For example, I could presumably judge that someone is a bad driver because they have a banged up car and are speeding...but it's not really appropriate/fair to assume that someone is bad driver because of their gender, age or ethnicity.
Assuming things about people is just, well, not cool. You can't possibly know anything about someone (like how they're feeling, or what their home life is like, or how much money they have) by simply giving them a quick once over or by listening to gossip from others. You come to the wrong conclusion and usually make an ass out of yourself, or at the very least, have to deal with a uncomfortable situation if your assumptions are proved to be false.
People assume that, because I live in Texas, I am a bible thumping, gun toting, redneck conservative. In reality, most of my views are rather liberal, I am not religious and I’m pretty sure I am not a redneck. I do say “y’all” a lot, but that’s only because I grew up around people who used it frequently.
People assume that, because I am a vegetarian, I disapprove of them eating meat. My vegetarianism is exactly that: MINE. If you choose to eat meat, then it is none of my business, and I am not personally offended. It would be great if everyone would cut down on their meat consumption, but someone else’s diet is none of my business. Speaking of which…
People assume that, because I am thin, I am healthy. I’m actually in the process of recovering from a five year struggle with anorexia and my body still reaps the lasting effects. Fat does not equal unhealthy and thin does not equal healthy. What someone weighs accounts for only a fraction of their level of health.
People assume that, because I am quiet, I am rude/standoffish/insert negative adjective here. I suffer from severe social anxiety and fear prevents me from speaking up or leading a conversation unless I am extremely comfortable with someone. I live in fear of saying something “wrong” or of being rejected by others, so I am usually quiet and fade into the background.
People assume that, because I am a female, I automatically want kids and a husband in the future. At the present moment, I do not plan to have children and while a relationship would be great, there are more important things than having a ring on my finger. Just because I am a woman does not mean that I have to have a family.
People assume that, because I am white, I am privileged and believe myself to be superior to others because of my skin color. I am part of a working class family with a single mother, and I don’t believe that I have ever discriminated against someone because of their skin color. I try to look at everyone through the same lens - black, white, Hispanic, Asian, purple, whatever. I have never felt better than someone because I am a different race.
People assume that, because I am an unemployed teenager, I am lazy and irresponsible. In reality, I do have a sort of job - I care for my brother with special needs while my mother is at work. I have always wanted to work, and if I could be out there scooping ice cream or bagging groceries, I would be. Many of my friends have held jobs for years, and they are great employees, contrary to popular belief that my generation is entitled or doesn’t like to work.
People assume that, because I am a good student, I have no life and study all the time. I am a member of many clubs and have friends, and while it can be hard, I do my best to balance my grades with maintaining a social life. I don’t study, and I usually have little to no homework, so it’s not like I am trapped in my bedroom with piles of books and notes every night.
All of these assumptions, judgments, predisposed notions...they tear us all apart. In this time of turmoil, we should be trying to unite - but our assumptions divide us more than we already are. They can make us feel bad about ourselves and question our values, as well as prevent us from having relationships with others.
Have you ever heard the phrase, "Never judge a book by its cover"? Perhaps we should take the message a little closer to heart. Next time you automatically think something about someone, try to really reflect on the thought and see if it holds any merit or proof...and if it doesn't, get rid of it.
As mom always says, "Only asses assume." Don't be one.
