Ask Swoonie B: I Tried To Catch My Boyfriend Cheating When He Wasn't
Start writing a post
Swoon

I Tried To Catch My Boyfriend Cheating When He Wasn't, And Now I Have To Regain HIS Trust

One reader asks for advice on how she can regain her boyfriend's trust after snooping through his phone.

355
I Tried To Catch My Boyfriend Cheating When He Wasn't, And Now I Have To Regain HIS Trust

Each week Swoonie B will give her advice on anonymous topics submitted by readers. Want to Ask Swoonie B something related to dating and relationships? Fill out this form here — it's anonymous.

Ah, *sigh* it's a tale as old as time, unfortunately.

One partner suspects cheating, they snoop (sometimes they find something, other times they don't), the other partner finds out, and — UH OH — suddenly the snooper is the one in the wrong.

The good news is you're not alone and it's possible to regain the trust your boyfriend had in you before you went digging through his private messages. However, it's important to recognize that while he is the one actively looking for a reason to trust you again right now, you were doing the exact same thing just a few days ago.

This is an important thing to think about because trust is a two-way street. Always.

So while you, of course, want to figure out a way to regain his trust, it's first important to pinpoint exactly when and where you lost trust in him — because even though it might seem very blunt to put it that way, that is what caused you to go snooping in the first place, right?

To figure this out, ask yourself the following questions:

  • What was the reason you lost trust? Was it something he did? Something he said? An insecurity you have in your relationship?

The answers might not be the easiest things to accept, but they're important to pinpoint. Because once you have an answer to this group of questions, you can sit down and talk about it with him with complete honesty and vulnerability. Even if you talked about it briefly already, now that you've both had some time to process the situation and your feelings, a fresh conversation will be much more meaningful and likely to yield the results you want.

At the end of the day, you invaded his privacy and he does have a right to be upset about that (especially since he was faithful the whole time), so it really is important to apologize. Not just an "I'm sorry, babe," but a true apology. Then explain your thought process (which you will have figured out from the answers above). Be completely open and transparent during this conversation, because even though you are the one apologizing, your feelings are valid too.

💡 Something like this, for instance, would likely be an effective way to start the conversation:

"[Name], I am so incredibly sorry for breaking your trust and snooping around. I would never want to do anything to hurt you and if I ever have any concerns in the future, I promise to be more vocal about it instead of trying to find answers for myself. I think for a minute I got caught up in my insecurities and I couldn't stop worrying about X, Y, and Z [insert your concerns here]. I wasn't thinking about how doing this might affect you and I'm sorry. What can I do to fix this?"

In my (un)professional opinion, this is the perfect way to put everything out on the table. You apologize, take full ownership of the mistake without putting the blame on him (major key), you express your feelings and reasoning for doing it so he knows how to help you feel better about talking to him in the future, and you show that you care enough to want to make it better.

While it won't be an immediate fix, it will surely help move you both in the right direction and your boyfriend will appreciate it more than you know. As for longterm fixes, work on being more open and honest about your feelings and concerns (no matter how big or small) as they arise instead of waiting for them to boil over.

Remember: every relationship has its ups and downs, but if you can communicate and work through it all together, you'll be stronger in the end. You got this!

Do you or a friend have a question for Swoonie B? Fill out this form to ask. Yes, your responses will remain anonymous.

Follow Swoon on Instagram.

Report this Content
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

57615
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less
a man and a woman sitting on the beach in front of the sunset

Whether you met your new love interest online, through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Challah vs. Easter Bread: A Delicious Dilemma

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

37121
loaves of challah and easter bread stacked up aside each other, an abundance of food in baskets
StableDiffusion

Ever since I could remember, it was a treat to receive Easter Bread made by my grandmother. We would only have it once a year and the wait was excruciating. Now that my grandmother has gotten older, she has stopped baking a lot of her recipes that require a lot of hand usage--her traditional Italian baking means no machines. So for the past few years, I have missed enjoying my Easter Bread.

Keep Reading...Show less
Adulting

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

958843
Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Top 10 Reasons My School Rocks!

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

191519
man in black long sleeve shirt and black pants walking on white concrete pathway

I was asked so many times why I wanted to go to a small school when a big university is so much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a big university is great but I absolutely love going to a small school. I know that I miss out on big sporting events and having people actually know where it is. I can't even count how many times I've been asked where it is and I know they won't know so I just say "somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin." But, I get to know most people at my school and I know my professors very well. Not to mention, being able to walk to the other side of campus in 5 minutes at a casual walking pace. I am so happy I made the decision to go to school where I did. I love my school and these are just a few reasons why.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments