Dear.....Dad? Sir?... I'm not really sure how to address you.

I know that you most likely will never see this, but I wanted to write you a few words telling you about my life and how I've been. Is this for closure? ..Maybe. There is a wound that comes from someone's absence, and while that wound may heal, scars remain. Those scars have helped shape me into the person that I am today, and for that I say thank you.

Thank you for choosing to give me the opportunity that you thought I deserved. By you leaving, I am blessed with a dad who chose to love me and adopt me as his own. I have two siblings, a brother and a sister, that I treasure more than anything in this world. I can't imagine my life without them, and I'm so grateful that I don't ever have to. Truly, I have nothing to complain about.

I will always have questions of course.

Why did you leave?

I have tried to answer this question myself so many times before, and a lot of insecurity comes along with this inquiry. I would go back and forth from being angry at you, to being angry with God, to being angry at myself, but I soon realized that my anger only brought more pain into my heart. It was easy to think of reasons to blame myself, and soon it became a horrible habit that showed up in other segments of my life. As I've grown as a person through age and experience, I am trying to work on ridding myself of this proneness to be hard on myself for things that are: one, not my fault, and two, that I have no control over. Our Savior heals, and healing takes time, but I've learned that it can be a beautiful process.

Do you ever think about me?

Because I'll be honest with you, I think about you a lot. I wonder about your past, your present, your future. I try to picture what you look like, what you sound like, or what you talk like. Are you a spontaneous adventurer? Or do you live life on the safe side?

Am I like you at all?

My whole life, people have always said things like, "Oh you look just like your mother!", but there are some things that I wonder if I got from you. Things like my bigger nose, my olive skin, my crazy loud laugh, my round face (which is maybe something that I am not so thankful for), or my love for dancing like no one is watching! Do we watch the same movies? Or listen to the same music? I have a big imagination...and maybe you do too.

If you knew me, would you be proud of me?

This one has flooded my head many times, but it is one that I have chosen not to ask anymore. I am learning that my joy cannot come from the fact that you, my friends, or my family are proud of me. I must seek approval from Jesus Christ alone. I know that if I strive to do the Lord's will and follow his path, then those who truly love me will ALWAYS be proud of me. There are materialistic awards that I have received on this earth, but no medal, trophy, or scholarship will ever compare to the crown that I will lay at the feet of Jesus.

Some may say that the only good thing you've ever given me was life, but I would disagree. You have given me so much more. You gave me the chance to live through something better than what could of been. You showed me that I must depend on my Godly Father. I will always be grateful that you left, because I love the life that has been given to me, and I only hope that you find something as special as I have.

Love, Your biological daughter.