Anxiety. A word that has had a huge influence on my life for as long as I can remember. Excuse any typos that you may see in this article; my hands are currently shaking and my heart is racing. Talking, or even thinking about my anxiety gives me anxiety. Most people ask how that is even possible. Honestly, I have no idea, but if I think about it too much I will end up over-analyzing every aspect of my existence just because someone wanted to know what anxiety is like. For those who do not have an anxious bone in their body, I hope this provides you with insight into what it’s like to have an anxiety disorder. For those of you who do have anxiety, I want this to let you know that you are not alone and other people share the same sense of constantly worrying. Anxiety-- the constant feeling of uncertainty, anxiousness, or downright freaking out that interferes with your daily life, enough to make you want to never leave your bed.

You are always worrying, even when you sleep. Oftentimes you can’t fall asleep because you have so many thoughts rushing through your mind that once you finally wake up, you’re exhausted. Not only do you worry when you’re awake, but sometimes you worry in your dreams, which may turn into nightmares.

You are scared of everything… And I mean everything. What if I fail this test? Will I flunk out of school? What if I don’t graduate? Then I will never get a job. Am I going to have a minimum-wage job the rest of my life? How am I going to afford to live? Am I going to have to move in with my parents? How will I ever get married if I still live with my parents? What if my parents kick me out? Where would I go? Would I be homeless? I cannot fail this test. My entire future is riding on this one test that is worth ten points. Don’t screw up, don’t screw up, don’t screw up! (Cue the worrying.)

You constantly doubt your self-worth. This for me was the hardest part with having anxiety. Are my “friends” really my friends? I bet they all talk about me behind my back. Wow, she hasn’t text me back. It’s because they all went to hang out and didn’t invite me. Why don’t they like me? Am I ugly? Am I fat? Am I both? Did I fail my test because I am ugly and fat? I bet all my friends got good grades. I bet they all studied together and didn’t invite me. It’s because I am ugly and fat. I just want to be perfect.

By now you may be having an anxiety attack. Your heart is racing so fast you can feel it beating through your chest. Your hands are shaking. You are pacing back and forth, which may cause you to sweat. You have a weird feeling in your throat. Here come the tears. They will never stop. Two hours later… Why am I still crying?

Unfortunately, anxiety is a harsh reality. I find myself constantly repeating, “You will be OK” on a daily basis. It takes a whole army to fight anxiety. It is an internal struggle that can affect those around you. The constant worrying can lead to depression. I take medicine. I depend on my medicine to regulate the chemicals in my brain so when I do have an anxious moment, I can talk myself out of it versus having a complete meltdown, which happens on the regular, over silly things like tangled wires or studying for a test.

For anyone reading this that does not have anxiety, you will never understand what it’s like. Imagine every move you make, a voice in your head is listing off all the bad things that could happen in result to that. For my fellow anxious peers, I promise it will be OK. If it’s not OK, it’s not the end. Do not let your anxiety define you. You define it.